lol, exactly veiled
I'll be doing my lil "chant" right to the end

Yer, I know YA... I get so bogged down in work here, I often do forget about myself.

I am a bit worn out at present... work here and other ventures having their toll on me / catching up with me. I had a another sleep today just to rest and recover a bit, because I can see me getting worse if I don't stop a bit now... been there, learnt my lesson. So today I have just kicked back a bit, little done here or elsewhere, and most likely will do the same tomorrow also... some time off to feel better, then get back into it.

I like your subtle kicks in the arse for me YA.... its good to know others here will do the same for me. Thank you.

(my head) You are walking so slow this morning, you look like an old lady
(Boo) Yeah? well at least I'm walking!

(my head) You slept in and missed having breakfast with hubby this morning, how do you think that makes him feel? He has to get up and go to work everyday, you don't even have to get dressed if you don't want to.:hit-boss:
(Boo) I did have time for coffee with him and kissed him and told him I love him as he was headed out the door. Yes, he does have to go to work.

(my head) Why did you...:cuckoo:
(Boo) That's enough! Here's the new rule, you are only allowed to speak in between my breaths. When I breathe in, I'll say 'In....' and when I breathe out I'll say 'Out...' Before I breathe in again you may speak.
*********************
It's impossible to allow your mind to have conversations while you consciously say "In" and "Out" to yourself silently as you breathe!
It's a very basic form of meditation. I usually last about 3 minutes before I'm napping peacefully. It really helps me turn off that negative self talk part of me that thinks she's the boss (Ha!!)
I like to think of it as "interruption therapy" :tongue:

I like that boo.... kinda funny, but serious at the same time.

I am just amazed at my little one's perception this morning. She told her daddy you need to take mommy to the doctor looking at me funny... Geesh do I look that jacked up?

Well, I did learn something new today. This is my first year at trying to raise turkeys. They are the kindest of my barnyard fowl and love them so much. Well, I keep my hens locked up in a hen house with a run that they have turned to dirt and to keep them away from the affectionate roosters who range with the turkeys and have not gone to the freezer yet. I let them out last night to get some grass, bugs, and exercise. I forgot to lock them back up after they went to roost. So they were out and about this AM.

I did not know a giant tom turkey would try to mate with a hen, They are hip high to me. Future reference... they will try. They killed one of my hens in the process and one is severly injured in chickie ICU and we have lots of missing feathers. I am annoyed with myself but did not see that one coming. My question is why haven't I seen them doing it to the turkey hens?????? Poor hubby can't catch the turkeys and there are way too many hens to try to catch, I can catch the turkeys as they come to me but I am hurting all over so bad I can barely get around much less try to wrestle with one. Damn horny SOBs... and I only have 2 toms! They are trying to take out about 50 hens.

Everything is frisky in the barnyard and it is October... What on Earth is wrong with them? I even have a duck sitting on a nest. The kids are still picking wild flowers and the dragonflies, bees, grass hoppers, wasp, and butterflies are still doing their thing out side. I was sitting around with little one with us hanging out it our underwear, in front of a fan eating ice cream, again in October. I guess further proof I am really a Texan... So are the critters. Hubby said it was further proof I am nuts, as he sat sweating drinking hot coffee?

Just wanted to talk about something other than how much like shit I feel today! And watch your turkeys, they are bad bad birds that trick you into thinking they are cute and sweet ha ha ha. No, I have not had much sleep...

Bad day here in our area. Woke to news that a gunman took over an Amish one-room schoolhouse yesterday - about 8 miles from where we live, kicked the adults and boys out, barricaded himself in using 2x4s and 2x6s nailed across the door, used plastic zip ties to "shackle" the girls (ages 6 - 13). He then lined them up in front of the chalkboard and, as the police were trying to storm the school, he shot each one of them point blank in the back of the head. 5 dead, 5 or 6 more seriously or critically injured, all little girls who did nothing to deserve this. The worst part of all is that there was absolutely no motive whatsoever that can be found. He did say something to his wife (just prior to the killings) about having molested a couple of relatives - cousins I think - 20 years ago (he would've been 12) and how he's had dreams ever since of doing it again. In the suicide notes he left to his wife he mentions the anger he's had at God for the death of his first born - a little girl born prematurely who lived 20 minutes. And he was such a coward - after he shot all of the girls, he then turned the gun on himself.

For those of you who may not know, the Amish are peaceful people who shun conflict. They believe everything that happens is "God's will." And so it is this time; these girls were killed because it is "God's will."

It sucks so much. The area we live in is so quiet and serene, beautiful really. The kind of area that one would feel safe in; I know I did and for me that's saying a lot.

Don't get me wrong. I still wake at every little sound at night, convinced that someone is trying to break in. I still jump - and then freeze - at the sound of the doorbell, so much so that I literally can't answer it.

And now this. If it can happen in a one-room Amish schoolhouse, it can happen anywhere.

Combine that with the other 2 shootings/killings that happened at schools in the past week and my world just got more deadly.

As I said earlier, it just sucks. Why must humans do this to each other? I know it's easy to ask why, but hard to get the answers. I suppose that's a question to which I won't get the answers until the afterlife...

I hste not feeling like my flat is safe anymore. All that changed was my flatty telling me that she can't deal, but now I'm in a state of continual panic, not even meditation is calming me.

I did tell mum about my imminent homelessness and while she has offered her place to stay for a bit I don't know how well I'll cope with bro dearest there.

Still I can either have panic attacks and be stressed where I am, 0or have panic attacks and be stressed at mums :drugs:

Heres hoping I can survive the next couple of weeks.

Hey Gr'ass. I get very freaked out at the thought of being homeless. In fact it's a wicked trigger for me. Keep breathing and work through your options (as in looking for places to stay, new flat, temporary stay at freinds etc..) I know this is hard (just went through it myself.) but try to focus! Keep us informed eh?

Kimg: I seen that. It's all over the news. oh heck, I don't even know what to say. Keep safe.


Bec

I just pulled the biggest brain fart ever. I was freaking out because I couldn't access a test that I have to take. Guess what? I'm a full day ahead of myself! LOL, at least I'm ahead in something!!

Bec