well, it was better than yesterday. that makes me think that tomorrow will be better still.

Yesterday was awful. i got so stressed and anxious, felt i'd taken 100 steps backwards, but today was the complete opposite, i've had a great day, productive. Today i made appointment and took my 2 piggies(guinie pigs) to a different vet and he was much better, so got them treated and sorted out. had a nap in the afternoon as was up early with the piggies, tidied up, washed up and did a load of washing and hung it up to dry. and then to finish off went to the chip shop, and didn't get anxious or scared when a group of late teen/early 20's men came into the shop after me. I haven't felt this good since before ptsd and am still a bit puzzled at how well today went in total contrast to yesterday. Am going to try and remember the feeling and pull it back out when a rough day happens. Am off to the lake district for 4 days on monday for a break with my flatmate, don't care if it rains, would rather be wet and alone than sunny and crowded. Big smiles to u all

I took a notice I typed up and put it on all five floors' bullitin boards...as to me needing help getting my trash out....also made a call to a friend to get help unpacking!!!....KEEPING THE PEACE:tongue:

I'm in a better mood today. Computer is work, bought a new laptop cam, am all curled up in snuggly housecoat for the night and am about to work on my math as soon as I cruise the forum.

Hope everyone's day is going well!!

Bec

My day bit big hairy butts. I am feeling a bit more relaxed finally. I figure I would be stuck up all night again so sent hubs to a red box to get me some cheesy movies, I watched all my netfix last night and have to mail them off before they resend. By the way that twisted one I heard about in chat is in my que for next shipment. All the reviews say hard to watch and does sound messed up so me and my twisted curiosity has to see if I can... And since netflix carries forgien and independent films I looked to see if they had it.

Feeling better after confrontation with the monster earlier but hubs came past me and shoved the gun back in the cushion beside me. OK, it is not a security blanket. I did not get it back out. I am thinking hubs is picking up a vibe I am not. I was out there with the monster for only a moment as he insisted on me coming out, hubs was trying to get him to leave, and he would not. Hindsight... If the F*er would not leave my home when hubs told him to I should have just called the police to remove him instead of going out to tell him so myself. I did not need to do that to myself. But in such a high state of panic the mind just doesn't seem to fire right or think rationally.

I have been reading and hubs has been in the book now. Guess trying to get a better perspective.

He did say he did not understand why I was so upset when nothing happened. I just looked at him like he was crazy. How in the hell do I not get that way? I mean I freak out just going in public or through his town, but to have him just show on my doorstep is not expected to send me a bit for a loop? I mean we were borderline hospital trip if I had not dived in the meds. And I am still working on dealing with going to the grocer and bookstore at the same time recovering from that. I just hope I do not nose dive this coming week.

Kim, you take it easy on yourself! I guess you will be getting a lot of validation which will be good, but so much at once has to be hard. Be good to yourself, and Warren you give a little extra TLC! Good luck to both of you on the rest of your trip.

And Nam, yeah, I can see how that can be the "bible" it is getting some stuff out there for me and making me see patterens of abuse where I did not even percieve it, God I am so messed up that I did not even see it... Now I need to try to look into brainwashing... Long day, long night and another ahead.

All the rest please be easy on yourself and take care of yourselves!

Hard to remember day at this hour. Mixed emotions. This morning, who knows, this afternoon went fairly well bathed and dressed-up children and they went to halloween B'day party with mother of daughter's friend, so husb. and I had some free-time to do work. We don't talk much lately, he feels overwhelmed, works much and is going on his 4th day without cigg. Pers. I'm withdrawn a lot lately, hate thinking about people I don't even like, namely the family that made life impossible, those of the past. Feel like why should they have a mom. of my time in thought after all their sh*#. :cussing: Feel like they own me. Discouraged this evening.

Veiled, I am a bit lost. Who turned up on your doorstep out of the blue?

The ex who tried to kill me.

So far today has been pretty good. I cleaned the ferret cage and Boa tank. Bathed the dog. In a few minutes I am going to go upstairs, cook a pizza, grab the chips and watch the football game. As long as the Hawks win it's all good.

Oh....before I forget. Veiled, hang in there. Forget restraunts and the grocery store. You are dealing with the biggest "trigger" out there. You will make it past this. Have faith in yourself and know that you are in my prayers. Blessings to you and your family.

Succeeded in getting to church this morning with husb. and children. Enjoyed it very much as children behaved very well. Daughter had friend over. Husb. watched Patriots game and napped 2 hrs. I did some reading and basic. did not much more. Avoided my husb. as he's still only days away from cigg's. Tired today which makes life stressful when kids have so much to say, so many ideas and plans and I have difficulty keeping up with their energy levels. Got babysitter and got out briefly tonight with my husband.