Hey Veiled - hope next week is better. You're doing great anyway - at least the teens I deal with go home at the end of the day!

I had a ranting parent to deal with today and had to hang up on her in the end - I did say that I needed to go teach, but she kept on going and going and did not want to listen to what I was saying, so I said "I'm going to have to hang up now, goodbye" and hung up with her mid-rant. Fortunately, 4 colleagues heard my end of the conversation, cos next there was a phone call from my line manager....

Could do without the hassle - like I want to kick a kid out of class just to cause myself extra paperwork and stress!!!!

:drugs: I slept through most of the day today. Not being able to drive really sucks. Yesterday after spouse went to work went to friends house as thir dad just died. Bought some beer to take with. A bit of a wake for him. Found out the guy who molestested me in the summer kidnaped my dog last week. I was yelling fo him to come home for hours. I called spouse at work thinking dog had gone looking for him. He had not been home in days at that point. He miraculously found the dog and had told me he was running up the highway when he found him. Now yesterday I found out the truth and was pissed as hell:angry-fla We my friend and I ended up getting really drunk. He busted the coffee table in two I was sleeping on the couch and woke up to pee. Searching in the dark I flipped and fell on the kitchen table took a big hunk out of my chin and bled all over the place. Called spouse at 3:30 in the morning to come get me. He did but didn't stay. To boot when I finally woke up. I found I somehowhad brought home friends brothers meds with me. He is bipolar. Might just go with them again as I know my spouse is still playing head games. Missed my meds but at least I slept. My chin looks like hell.
It's 3:30 pm and hubby just got off work. Don't think I'll see him today. Going for a shower. Bye for now JoannaG www.jicaseworld.com is my website.

I have had a bit of a tough day. I slept until 1 pm. Checked my email and then went back to sleep till 4p. Finally took the dogs out 20 min ago for the first time today. I have applied to about 30 jobs in the past week. I think one of them will work out. I hope to working by Monday. It will be the first time going to work since early September... but I haven't been counseling since June. Just feel tired and achy. I know that I am anxious about keeping things together: going back to work, getting to work on time, cooking dinner (hubby usu gets home late and really tired, he has a crazy schedule), washing clothes, keeping the house in decent order. Minus working, I had gotten into a functional pattern about being able to get things done around the house and not sleeping during the day. But with the prospect of work getting closer, I notice my anxiety escalating. It also has been hard getting out of the house. Logically I know that I can take the bus to where I need to go, but it's hard to actually do it. Esp now that it is colder outside. All in all, the past few weeks have been solidly good. I find myself having to make a lot of mini decisions throughout the day about how I am going to feel about something (ie not get stressed, not feel ashamed, or buy into negative thoughts). And that in itself takes alot of energy and being "on" and present. It's doable, though. Just hard work.

Cheers, Antoinette

Had a pretty good day, my parents had they're 59th anniversery today. They are not into big deals so I cooked them some poached atlantic salmon and made the cutesy card on the computer. 59 dam thats unreal.

my day was tiring, but not bad. i am only sleeping about once a week, and my therapist wants me to take a few days off to "catch up". i may, but it would be really hard on the school right now, and i'm not sure i'll be able to sleep any better then. why is it so hard to make up your mind?

Cookie I think it is because some days we feel like we have lost our minds... So nothing there to make up!

Hope you get some rest.

A very emotional day today. Both my therapy and my trauma diaries are echoing what I am working on. I'm hitting it hard. Started with meeting with my hubby's sister yesterday, in of all places, Macdonalds. It was packed with kids, I had my back to the crowd (horrid spot), meeting with someone I don't even know. It's just been downhill for anxiety since. Felt like I had been clobbered after therapy today. The only subject I have emotions on: my mother. Then went to see my dad off for his hunting vacation. He was cranky, I'm exhausted and emotional. I just ended up spacing out to deal once I started have wicked anxiety attacks.. Dogs were even setting me off tonight... Then phone call from hubby. Had more anxiety attacks, cried lot's... probably worried him sick.. he knows when I'm doing poorly... I still have to pull my act together enough to do a quick study for psych test that I haven't even opened a text on!!


Not liking the increase in symptoms but it must mean that I'm starting to get to the heart of some of my trauma or why would I get this bad???

Bec

I chickened out on telling them.

Just don't feel like my life is worth living right now. I have this little voice that keeps saying to me that no one needs to be burdened with my 'issues'

Kicks little voice hard

Just utterly and totally exhausted. Still.

Not too bad of a day actually. Came home from work this morning and visited with a couple of friends. Then I took a nap. Must have been tired because I passed out cold. Slept for 4 hours. Got up at 4:30 only because I had set the alarm.

I am hoping that I will still be tired enough to get to sleep tonight.

Been doing a lot of thinking, and writing, and crying. My friends all think I am cracking up (did that a long time ago as near as I can figure). Sadly most (even the ones who should know better), tell me I should just leave it alone.

Ok, I am quite sure that seeing me, the strong, unfeeling one, sitting around crying at the drop of a hat is probably a little unnerving for them. But it feels good to me. Can't explain that one because it also feels pretty crappy at the same time. Scary.

Anyway, I am off to cry or go to sleep or both. Have a wonderful night (or day, depending on where you are) all.

A better day today. I'm back on a daily dose of my meds, so we'll see about the sleep issue. I took my dog to the vets today. This is one of the worst places to go for triggering anxiety for me. My dog has anxiety attacks when she is there too (she's very neurotic, like her owner!) It went well for me. I didn't throw up before the appointment. I even handled going in there better than normal. I didn't shake too hard *sheepishly* My dog is another story. She started this high pitch cry, fought to get out, shook violently... it was some wicked. All over a little needle! We survived though.. God I hate that place.

I got two loads of laundry done and even went shopping for five minutes!! My son told me he was proud of me for lasting so long and not even getting cranky!!

I love my kids...

Bec