I am actually in a great mood today. I talked to a couple of old friends who like you guys booted my butt in the right direction and told me how beautiful of a person I am inside and out and not to listen to my husband and lie to myself, but to go on with my life. Anyway, on the way to Wal-Mart last night to get a last minute present for the bus driver, I heard this new song out by a country artist Keith Urban called "Stupid Boy". It fit. I even went and bought it off of walmart.com after I got home and made my hubby a copy. You guys ought to check out the words to that song. It fit me to a tee and somehow just hearing that song and giving him that kind of made me feel free, free to be me and find out who me is again. I have never really had a chance to be just me as I got married at 20 and then was somebody's wife and never was just me even in high school. I did not have the typical life of a teenager because of my dad being an alcoholic and I had to go out and get a job at 17 to support the family while he was in a rehab clinic. I worked really from the time I was 15 and did not really get to date until I met my hubby. I guess that is why I enjoyed him so much, was I finally had someone for just me and that would carry me places and treat me like a princess or so I thought. When you lived like I did throughout my growing up time listening to an alcoholic daddy stomp the floor and cuss your mama with every cuss word in the book and I looked like my mama so much that he sometimes got us confused I think and cussed me too. I also saw my daddy try to chop my uncle's head off with an ax. I have seen him try to run over my mama and we had to hide behind the Church one night I remember because mama thought he was going to kill us all. I have been afraid all my life and it was such a refuge I thought to have met this wonderful guy (he was 24 at the time and I was barely 18) that swept me off my feet and told me how beautiful I was. I never had that before. In school, I was so shy that I barely spoke to guys at all. After I got out of school, I found out there were a lot of guys that wanted to ask me out, but that were I guess afraid to, because I might say no or something I guess. You all know how awkward those years are anyway and the ones that did hint around about it, when they found out I worked every weekend mostly, could not ask me out anyway. Don't know why I went into all this, I have not even thought about this stuff in years and try to hide it in the back of my mind I guess.

Anyway, check out the song and see what you think about it. I think Keith Urban is from Australia, so Anthony I bet has heard of him, ha, ha.....

Love you all and hope you are having a blessed day.... While typing today, I actually have a smile on my face. My husband on the other hand when I left him today after I took my little boy for a visit (he had a christmas party and made his daddy some cute little things and he wanted to take them to him), by the time I had left was shaking his head and stroking his beard, when I told him that if I was going to have to start over, I plan on starting over in another state. He said he would not impose the 60 mile rule on me and I really am thinking about moving. I have always wanted to live in the mountains and my little boy loves it up there, (by the way, so does my husband, so that made it even better....) and there is a wonderful Church there that I have always loved to visit while we were on vacation in the mountains and have always wanted to move there to be able to attend the Church. Did not want to have it happen this way, but the people there love me and love to hear me sing in the choir, so I would have a good support group and love there also. Would miss my family I guess, but sometimes it is good to get away from family too as when I am around my daddy and he is still drinking and is in a wheelchair. I wish he could change and I love him, but what I went through as a child he will never understand. The feeling of "what did I do to deserve this? I must be a bad kid to have him cuss me like that. I just want you to love me, why can't you ever say you love me? Why can you not just stay sober when coming to one of my functions at school? Things like that. I can remember him dropping us off at some school function or at the grocery store and just not coming back and leaving my poor mama who does not drive to fend for herself a ride back home. It was so humiliating to bet sitting there and her having to ask someone for help, especially people from our Church, although I know they loved us and understood, still you did not want to be the one that they had to do this for all the time.

love ya'll

dazed

Yep, know him. Keith Urban is also Nicole Kidmans partner.

Keith Urban is actually from New Zealand but moved to Australia as a young boy. He lived in Caboolture ( a shitty little hole in South East Queensland) before he moved to America to kickstart his career. I can relate to alot of Keith Urbans songs and one that my partner likes is called "you're not my god".

Hey, don't be knocking Caboolture... I grewup in Morayfield thank you...