Ohhh, Jim. I would have paid money to have an uncle like you in my younger years!! I laughed at the "she is a tiny thing." I'm very small myself. I'm glad you know how to handle it (I keep forgeting about the whole military thing, training etc...lol) You should be very proud of yourself, your family by sticking by and being so good. Many of us on here didn't get that and it's not a born trait.. it's a decision. I have to say, your growing on me just like Bat did!!! LMAO.

You military guys keep up this enduring thing and I just may have to get over my whole anger/trigger thingy! (yes, that would include you Anthony and the rest of the boys on here... )

Bec

Yep, she is a tiny mite. Just under 5'1" and current weight 96 lbs. The majority of folks in our family, including the women, are on the tall side, so we used to tease her, saying she was the runt of the litter. But what she lacks in size she makes up in attitude.

My wife and I were praised for taking in our teen nephew, as well as how we raised our sons. To be honest, I never understood the praise as our extended family has always been close. I was raised to take care of my own and can't fathom families who won't step up. Unthinkable, especially when you have a youngster in need.

We military men are not so bad I hope. You folks on the forum are growing on me as well. I am glad I decided to write.

Jim.

Yer bec, hear that, "we military men are not so bad?" Some are dead set dicks bec, but not all, just like anything in life. Some just got dropped on their head at birth or something, and its not really anything but them. We're not all bad... :) suck suck....

Jim, she is very lucky to have such a loving family mate... its becoming rarer and rarer nowadays that family are there for family, instead of just themselves. You should be proud of that.

Ok, I just went from tears knowing how Batgirl is being taken care of by Jim, to LMAO to Anthony's comment about military men being...um..something like dead set dicks? LOL!!! Made me laugh so hard, I'm coughing up a lung!

Jim, we understand if she's not up to being on the forum, but let her know that our arms are open.

hee,
Nam I had the same reaction.


You know guys (and gals) I wish I had some one who would hold me when I get like that. No one is game to come near me, either that or I lock myself in my room.
Jim, being there for her is the hardest thing you will ever do because she is going to go to the tenth circle of hell before she'll come back. Hopefully she won't get lost on the way.
hugs tight and climbs into lap
not sure if I was talking about bat girl then or me.

OK, I am supposed to be off the board a while but I am taking a packing break while hubs naps... I just don't get if she was not violently acting out why hit her? Yes, you have to watch what you say around us in reguards to our traumas if we are not far into healing, but you can be more blunt later. But hitting if all she was just doing was screaming... And really with PTSD it is "just". Sometimes we need to let it out and that is what she was doing and she needs to be allowed to do so if it is not hurting anyone around her (your ears don't count).

I am sure you know more than you need to defend yourself, but being that I used to be a skinny thing like her and violent with it... Think of a rabid squirrle running all over you trying to catch it, it can get tricky with pissed off little women. You will have to be prepared for that. But the hitting was wrong all the way around, she was fine, it was you who did not know how to handle it. So it is good you came for advice. Mine... next time let her scream. If she turns violent then hold on to her but do not get violent back. You are asking for some major troubles there. That young lady has had enough violence. I hope you keep coming here to learn about this and us... Also, if we are forced to hold the raw emotions in they can result in the most awful panic attacks you can imagine, she needs to know she can let it out and feel safe doing so. We all get upset and puke. I know it is harder with her as that is the last thing she needs to do, but sometimes you just gotta let it ride and give her a pill to calm.

Trust me, I have gotten a hold of some baseball bats and my husband would have traded shit I pulled for just a hissy screaming crying fit. It can get a LOT worse than that. I say offer the pill and just let her ride it out next time, she needs to know she can release those emotions safely and with out punishment even if it is extremely painful for you to watch.

Best of luck, and I don't reccommend the "hug" tactic unless she gets physical with someone or something that would be destructive.

Good Luck Jim, I know it is hard to watch someone you love in this much pain.

:frown: HITTING is an act of VIOLENCE!!!!!! No ifs and or buts!!!! I know for myself that hitting and screaming only adds to more traumatization!!! A person having PTSD has suffered ENOUGH!!!!! I was in the hospital [on the"Mental" health unit] once and was having a severe flashback....my roomate told me the next day that I was fighting off 6 staff people who were trying to hold me down so the 7th could give me a shot!!!!! So I hardily recommend NO grabbing!!!! My suggestion is to try to do something more gentle to get her attention [as long as she or any other person is not in danger physically] Perhaps a very light soft blanket [like one of the thin fleece throws] lightly tossed over her head which mentally has the effect for me that I am physically protected and then softness seeps in its comfort...For me now it doesn't matter what thickness of blanket it is but again if she's really having a hard time....the gentleness is a major factor....also if she gets in the fighting mood she'll be battling with it and not you....I also would suggest to get one if you don't have one....If she's not in tune with comforting herself with softness...when she's at rest lay one right next to her hands so it's there for her to grab onto if she wants to....I also know from watching other therapists work in groups I've been in...talk quietly and gently things like say her name....I'm Your Uncle Jim...I am right here with you....you are safe now.....I know you are very upset now....when you are ready you can take my hand....you can get a hug if you want....Do you want me to hold you??....You will be okay....You are in a safe place....you are [name the place and some of the surroundings] You can just cry if you want...It's okay to be scared....I get scared sometimes too...AND keep repeating all this over [no specific sequence] until she stops screaming.....Basically it gives one a gentle path to come back to reality.... I personally have to sleep with a blanket over my head ever since my rape and can't sleep without it [will keep startling awake!!!] I have also found that when I am symptomatic at home that putting one of my fleece throws over my head calms me and leaves me feeling that I am protected from the outside world !!!! I usually try and take one with me when I need to go to an ER....keeps me from freaking out even more with all the added lights..noise...and activity that I have to endure while I wait to get processed!!!! It has helped a few times when I'm on the road exhausted and being agitated to the nth degree and have to get off the road....It keeps me from increased symptomology.....and I can conk out somewhere safe til the agitation and exhaustion run their course....Don't give up if this tactic doesn't work the first time....Again NO SLAPPING!!!! wildfirewildone....GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

So nice to see you WF... OK, the "canary" tactic would just piss me off worse that you describe (I would be thinking WTF), but we all know what works for one does not always for another, but the other things you said are very dead on to me! I really think that was wonderful advice and very sound advice you gave. Glad to see you chipping in again, hon! IMHO very good advice to try to talk her down the way you laid out.

Sorry, I actually went back and read the whole post (I did not before as I was busy) but I was thinking and had a funny thought about my big husband if he had slapped me during a "moment"... Would he have had reality hit half way through the swing and run, or run like the devil after contact...

She IS finding some good points about herself right now even if it may not seem so to everyone. She is seeing some good she can do like in art, she admits she has a knack. If you see a positive about yourself that is a good step as was her coming here to get help from those of us stumbling down the PTSD path. Give huge credits for every step as every step forward is closer to home.

And Jim, not knocking you, so please don't take it that way, take it as the advice of those who have made it through like Anthony, and those like me and others here who still have a long way to go but have made a few steps in further and closer home.

Jim,

Just popping in on this to say I'm so glad the batgirl has loving family around her now. It's hard enough to deal with this when you have people around you who love you and put up with the rough stuff...being all on your own-I couldn't imagine it.

Your definition of family reminds me of my husband's. Family comes first, last and always. This is different from how I was raised, but it's how I feel now.

BTW-you're right...military men aren't so bad. Married my hubby when we were both in and he's the kindest, most gentle man I've met. And he's put up with me for 20 years! Must be bucking for sainthood or something. :tongue: