Jim, it really has nothing to do with coming on the forum for her at present. It really has nothing to do with anything that she falls apart because at the time. If you moved something of hers for instance, she notices and then immediately flys of the handle. Unsuspectingly, you could think its about you moving the object, but infact it has nothing to do with that at all, that is just the smallest insignificant little stressor that has just overflowed her stress cup.

Basically, we all have an internal mechanism to handle "x" amount of stress at any given time. We all have good stress and bad stress go in each day. Those with PTSD then have this constant portion within their stress cup, called PTSD. PTSD is made up of all the emotions, trauma, thoughts, memories and so on that occur within us. This leaves little to no room to cope with any more stressors, regardless how small.

As we deal with each stressor, it is removed from our cup. A person without PTSD has lots of room, and easily removes stressors as they arrive. A PTSD sufferer is far far different, in that PTSD itself thrives from stressors. When you add a stressor to our cup, for example something so simple and insignificant like moving an item to a new location, the sufferer walks past, notices it and has a brief thought to not worry about it, but the moment that stressor goes into their cup, that stressor is not the only thing that increases the level, because PTSD thrives of stress exponentially, which means for each minute stressor, PTSD expands x 2 for that stressor, which means the difference in a person not exploding, or exploding.

Basically, this is why she suddenly breaks down without warning, explodes without warning, etc etc. Until she deals with her PTSD, then she will be like this, and hence why a sufferer gets much worse during trauma therapy, because it creates more stress again, thus the cycle continues.

So what I am getting at, is when you do or say something and she suddenly flys of the handle, it really isn't what you did that caused it as such, it was just the catalyst on her already full emotional stressor cup. The toilet roll could be around the wrong way and make her explode, silly things like that. It has nothing to really do with the toilet roll being around the wrong way, just simply her cup is full and has no capacity to fit anything else. She has already compressed whats in there attempting to suppress the outburst, but it fails.

I am actually doing a learning document now primarily for spouses and family in support of PTSD sufferers, so they can have a quick snapshot at what is going on, as simply as can be put. It will give examples of why we do things when PTSD is uncontrolled, it will also explain to you actually why she ran from you all... that one you most likely really wanting to get to the bottom off. It is actually quite simple... when I finish it.

Anthony, much appreciated, very good explanation. Truthfully, I was starting to think we were doing something horribly wrong.

Jim.

Good stuff. Looking forward to it. We found the military programming / deprogramming learning document very helpful.

Jim.

Did you view the second one also? Being the one I released only a day or two ago!!!! During that one it contains a stress cup in relation to a soldier, and from that you can put anything you want in it, that is particular to a individual.

If you think about that model, and that a sufferers cup is generally always full, or at the brim ready to overflow, what happens if you remove the family stressors from that cup? The sufferer just found themselves a little more room in order to breathe basically. Same if you remove relationships or the like. That is what a PTSD sufferer is doing when they run or no longer contact family, friends, spouses, etc etc etc.

If you look at that model and think about the good stress component now. Good stress makes up the basic things we do in order to just function in the day, nothing more, just function, get out of bed, have a shower, brush our hair, clean our teeth, feed ourselves, etc etc... If you now think about the depression component of PTSD. If a sufferer didn't have depression before trauma, then they will now how a chemical depression as part of the PTSD itself.

So when a sufferer goes and lays down for most of the day, they don't want to get out of bed, won't move from in front of the tv, play games all day, etc etc (add any behaviour that looks depressive in here), what they are actually doing is trying to control their stressor input, being its not actually about depression most of the time, its about controlling their exposure to stressors in that if they wakeup and already feel stressed, then the obvious solution to them is not to get out of bed. If you apply this to a sufferer not wanting to go out of the house, not wanting to pickup the phone and call anyone (add all unusual behaviours here), then these behaviours are not depressive behaviours in actual fact, they are the sufferer simply attempting to remove stressors from their daily allowance because their body is already telling them that they cannot handle it, and if they do it, they will explode.

Now when family or spouses are in the equation, what do they do? They poke and push a sufferer to get moving, to get functioning, to make a phone call, go to the shop, all the social and life exposures that they are avoiding because their body is telling them it has no room to cope with them, are no being pushed upon them. Often, just the pushing alone is enough of a stressor to make the person explode, hence people perceive that the sufferer wins the arguement and sits at home. Its not really about that, that explosion simply clarifies that what the sufferer was trying to do in the first place, being they already knew they could not handle any more stressor or they where going to explode, but the spouse / family just pushed that explosion into them anyway.

You can apply this logic and model to pretty much a sufferers entire life by placing anything that requires an action into the stressor cup. With PTSD sitting in this cup, and that they don't yet know how to remove any of the PTSD component, the PTSD is a known that simply expands with any stressor. So what they do is try and remove basic functioning stressors from their cup in order to just perform the good stress functions to live day to day.

I often say here to people in regard to the healing process, in that as they heal and chip away at their trauma, they are chipping away at that PTSD stressor block within their daily cup. When they start out, it takes very little to throw them over the edge and fill their cup. As PTSD expands two fold with any stressor, it does not retract as a stressor is removed, hence when you see a sufferer taking days to calm down, it is not because they haven't dealt with that initial bad stressor, but they are waiting for PTSD itself to come back down. PTSD contains so many symptoms, and these symptoms are what takes the time in order to calm, not the stressor itself. The symptoms are the constant stressors as such.

This is why people progressively begin to have more good days, than bad, because their daily tolerance levels of stress are becoming greater once again, thus they have more good days. Once they recover from the last session, they then attack the next aspect of trauma, thus raising the level and overflowing once again, being the break down into a depressive state, cry, rage, etc etc, all because they are dealing with more trauma. As they continue the healing process, they start finding themselves able to deal with more trauma in a shorter period, because what is actually happening is that they have made more room within their stress cup in order to cope with more, so they can push harder and further as they heal, because healing is chipping away at that PTSD block. As that block gets chipped away at, it also means that the two fold expansion rate of the PTSD block is now also expanding less, because there is less of it. This means it retracts faster also, because there is less of it, which explains to people how their good days progressively become longer and longer, further apart from bad days.

When something happens in their lives that is quite stressful, a person without PTSD is at the brink of explosion but can keep it in their cup, a PTSD sufferer still has that small portion of PTSD within their cup that they will never get rid off, being the neurological imbalance that has occurred within their brain. This small portion is still enough that they will never cope with the same amount of stress as someone without PTSD. This is why I also say here, in that once a sufferer has healed their trauma, they must then learn to manage PTSD itself, because a small component of it still exists. If that component is fed enough stress, it will grow a little again. If a trauma occurs within life, that block will grow again, until once again it is dealt with.

You can apply any aspect of an individuals life into this model, then pull it apart and see the reactions that are being cause from it.

Batgirl and Jim Kim and I sent our love. We truly have a family here. Jim I'm going to PM you with this info as well as put it here. In the US, there is a support organization Alliance For The Mentally Ill (NAMI)> Some other places have a local group (AMI). They don't just help with psycotic patients but any type of mental/emotional disorder. Most members are family. They have alot of resources to help. Also check with the off-post police department. Quite a few depts. have a Crisis Intervention Team (I'm a trainer) with either group you'll find they can be a great help and may be able to help cut through the red tape with hospitals and such. CIT police officers arn't there to arrest but have specilized training and volunteered for the assignment so they do actually care. Jim your a great man.

That is some valuable info Terry, thanks for shareing with us all.

Thanks Terry, I'm sure my uncle appreciates it. Usually he responds quickly when someone writes, but we've been at the lake for a couple of days. I'm sure he'll write here though or PM you when he's on later today.

I've heard of NAMI but I don't think we have it in Canada. It would be cool if we had something similar though.

Not certain, anthony. I believe we saw the first one only. "We" meaning myself and my niece. Seeing as I've trained soldiers, I found the programming / deprogramming document made good sense. And niece will tell you it helped her understand her dad a bit. That's important to her. Looking forward to viewing the new one today. Much thanks for this and all you've written out here. Need to print it out and go over it all.

Question: Should we then stop pushing her, or keep pushing? I am inclined to keep pushing regardless of the explosions. However if that's wrong I suppose I should consider changing my apporach.

Jim.

Much appreciated, Terry. I sent you a PM. I like the idea of the police being involved. And thank you for the compliment.

Jim.