Ok, here is an easy thought to this Jim. Is your pushing her about daily tasks getting rid of traumatic emotional stressors, or creating more stress / emotions for her?

If she is exploding, then you answered it for yourself. You are creating more stress for her making her constantly explode, you are not removing stressors from her allowing her to cope better.

When you read that document I just released, you know then that her PTSD is a known entity, it doesn't get any less until such time as trauma therapy is performed, but you know it does increase every time stressors go into the cup, because PTSD feeds of fear, emotions, stress...

What do you believe you are solving by making her explode constantly? Is she removing any off her trauma by doing so? Are you trying to create the same block in which you create for soldiers in order to do their job? That type of tactic that your using I mean, is one you use to train soldiers, ie. push them to their limits so they find new limits, new boundaries within themselves, though at the same time, create a new block within their emotional cup and add a pause button to it, all of which she currently does not have, and honestly does not need to have, as it just adds to the long term problems.

There are other things that can be done in order to provide more room to move and cope, until such time as she begins trauma therapy and chips away at that big block of trauma sitting inside her. As that block is chipped away at, then not only is there more room daily to cope, but the block is now not so large, which means with every stressor going in, PTSD doesn't expand enough to impact a difference. A simple analogy I guess of what is occurring within Batgirl.

I believe the best person to tell you whether the above is accurate of her feelings, would be batgirl herself. There is no blanket statement for us all, pretty close, but not exact, so each of us uniquely must adapt these factors to what works best for us.

Oh, I should also add... some pushing is a good thing, ie. get out of bed, get showered, get motivated.... some is not a good thing, ie. hounding about things that are just not that important in the scheme of daily life. If an explosion occurs, the not recommended hounding is in there.

Okay, I've been purposely trying to avoid this thread, but... my opinion, I might be wrong, but I think this is totally what he's doing. Like he trains soldiers, and does basic training, drills, etc.. and I really do think that's what he's trying to do with me too, only I didn't know how to explain it. It's with the best of intentions I realize, but I don't think it's working. Just making me exhausted. He's got to be exhausted too at some point.

Now you have another angle to approach for your discussion with Jim batgirl. He is learning, and we both know, doing his best to understand, but he cannot know everything so fast. It will take time, a lot of patience which he already has I think, and lots of talking from you. Basically, if you put something across that is reasonable, that is fairly commonsense type stuff, I think you would find Jim would accept that and discuss it how best he to approach you. If you just tried to pull the wool over his eyes, he would jump on you. But remember, he is learning and trying to understand what we feel. The military influence is very powerful, trust me, and it is very difficult to not apply it within our lives, because whilst within the military, it serves its purpose well, ie. keeping us alive, but when you walk out those gates, you can't just turn it off, even though we try, some parts are more powerful than us, and only through learning can we deprogram ourselves. Thing is, is that Jim can't afford to deprogram himself, because he is still in the military, and those skills and instinctive training are needed for survival at present.

I think on return from deployment, he will have much more time in order to focus on these things and yourself, as if he is getting out of the military, then most of those skills will not be needed, thus he can intentionally control them and remove them just by knowing they exist, and that is what is within him.

Yes good points. Thirty-seven years in the military is a loooonggg time. I really would like him to just rest right now. Actually he has a cold, possibly getting the flu, from us going ice fishing. And probably worn out from trying too hard with me. Like I'm not so terribly fragile... I have survived on my own for 5 years afterall!! I agree with you about after deployment too... I think it will be way easier.

Anyways, ducking out of this thread now...

I stand corrected. I am guilty of trying to fix the situation. Truthfully, I thought the quicker I could learn about this PTSD business, the quicker I could get the job done and get her well, whether she liked it or not. After all, that's my duty as head of the family. However, I am starting to see it's not so simple as that.

Recently I became ill, quite violently so in the middle of the last night. Niece took me to hospital, then brought me home and has been looking out for me. Was extremely calm and mature about it all. It hit me then, she's not 17 anymore. Much as I would like to go back to that point, it's done with. I wasn't there to protect her from her father, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

Will read and comment more on this later, when I am mended.

Jim.

Ah ah ah Jim... here comes some hidden guilt of your own. You feel guilty for somehow believing you have let her down because of what happened. How do you come to this conclusion? What is going through your mind in regard to the situation that occurred?

Well Anthony. Generally, the responsibility is as oldest brother, and thus family head since our father passed on many years back. More specifically, I knew full well Eric was a mess. Had himself in quite a state, drunk and unkempt most of the time, shutting himself in his room and yelling at the kids. Wife Cheryl asked me over to talk some sense into him. Was drinking and down on himself, thus I assumed he was experiencing the same as myself, after my Middle East deployment. The "cure" for me was the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Told Eric to get up off his sorry ass and come to a meeting. When he refused outright, I reported him to the base commander and MPs, the result being he was then ordered to meetings, with me accompanying him. I became his sponsor.

After a time Cheryl spoke with me again. Eric was not improving, the kids were scared and upset. Cheryl asked Kathy and I to take the kids temporarily. We agreed, and confronted Eric with the news. He was calm about it, not the reaction I was expecting. Unfortunately it didn't occur to me his reaction might be a dangerous warning. Satisfied with ourselves, Kathy and I went home to prepare the house for the kids. Next day, Eric got a shave and haircut, put on his CADPAT uniform, took out his M16, and well you know the rest.

Long story short, can't help wondering if our fixing to take away his kids sent him over the edge.

Jim.

Jim, this may help some with the self-guilt (I'll let Anthony take over the other half of this.) AA sufferers and PTSD sufferers have some remarkable similarities that are hard to tell the difference from. My father is an AA'er. I grew up with it. I have many many freinds in AA and one good one that keeps dragging my butt outta the house, lol. We get along great because of these similarities and without having been diagnosed I would have sworn I was destined to hit meetings (well that and the fact that I don't drink LOL.) The isloation, self blame;hate; loathing, low self-esteem. lack of sensitivity to other's, selfishness, inablitiy to cope in society etc.. are all the same symptoms yet different causes. You are not an expert in this and were not at the time. You not only did the best you could, you did more than most others would have. You tried your best and can not mind read. Considering, I'm amazed at your fortitude and persitance to help family in need (both before and after.) There is absoloutly nothing you could have done differenlty that would have changed this outcome. Sorry dear. Now Anthony can set ya straight on the rest of it. (hehe being lazy)

Bec

Ugh after reading this I feel like throwing up... It's so odd to read someone else describe MY story!!! I knew I should stay out of this thread!! I totally forgot too, that Owen and I were going to uncle's place. Weird how I forgot that.

Bec, that's really interesting and cool about PTSD and AA people having similarities. I didn't know that!! Hopefully the knowledge helps Uncle Jim to feel better. I don't think he should feel guilty AT ALL, but then who I am to talk because I feel guilty about it, too.

K, now I'm really not coming back to this thread again... way too intense.