I would say something opposite though to what veiled has just said, in that this depends on culture. Whilst Western culture eye contact is a sign of strength, confidence and honesty, in other cultures it is a sign of disrespect, ie. Chinese, Japanese and some other Asian cultures. Eye contact in those cultures could get you killed, because it is a sign of aggression and other traits.

yeah, don't keep up on the cultrual differences much... But really I posted it thinking like in the way a dog acts.

Yes, I see myself as a dog cowering. As we learnd early not to voice ourselves as children I learned to react with my eyes. My father always took this as a form of rebellion. Rebellion=punishment.How do you over come the guilt?

Well, first why do you feel guilty? What do you feel guilty about?

I feel that I some how brought all of this upon myself. I find I wonder if there was something I could have done differently to make him react differently. I feel guilty because I was always the reason my parents fought. I feel like a bad person like no matter how hard I try to change to try to comply the more I muck everything up. I feel guilty of not being perfect in my fathers eyes.

I agree, veiled, for me it's all about a sense of inferiority and submission to everyone around me. If I'm not making eye contact, I can't be accused of "giving a disrespectful look" or "looking at [someone] funny," both of which precipitated violence in my past.

i have difficulty with eye contact, - linked to trauma, (i sort of flashback and see 'his eyes' instead of the person's standing infront of me) it just sends me in complete panic. i've been trying recently to force myself to make eye contact and when i did i it found that the other person wasn't a threat, it was just my out of tune perception making it feel so, still panic but not as strong. Just wanted to encourage you to keep trying to make eye contact, it is difficult, but worth it in the end

Darkskies, that is great news exposing yourself like that and seeing the differences!

Kers, I really get that and it has so much to do with self esteem and getting that confidence back. It will come in time.

Lisa, I am going to come back to this because I know exactly what you are saying, just I am short on time this second. But I want to talk more to you about it.

I have delightfully learned to use my staring a person in the eyes technique!!!! When someone tries to belittle me....I look them right in the eye and keep staring them down and keep stating what I need and keep in direct eye contact with them till they shut up!!!! Bullies like the staff at our local "mental health" facility....just can't handle it!!!! :loopy: CHASING THE PEACE

Lisa, I am a bit wiped out so I am doing my best OK? So forgive me if I hurt feelings. You have absolutely zero to feel guilty about. They were adults. Were you holding a remote? Did you have some special mind control? No. They made choices. Bad ones. Not you. You are not responsible in any form or fashion for anothers acts, period. You need to accept that. You have as much control over that as I do over it getting warm here!!

When an adult has something in their head there is not a damn thing you can do to change it, they are waiting for any excuse. Just breathe wrong.

You are human. You are not designed to be perfect. Perfect is not going happen and it is pretty flipping boring IMO. No matter what, they will find something. I could remember missing a crumb cleaning. I did not wipe the sinks dry enough and left a water spot. They will find an excuse to let it out. You drink too loud, you moved too fast or slow. One day you get it for doing it one way the next for doing it the other. You get a good grade did you cheat, a bad grade will be hell...

You need to learn and accept that! You can not change what people already have in their heads and has nothing to do with you as a person. You are doing great as you are now seeking help for you. You are an adult now and now in control what happens. You can do this.