Correct Jen, he does need to get out of bed and going in the day, because the good stress is healthy for him, meaning he is up, moving, getting his mind active. So if he is removing good stressors because so many bad are sitting within him, you both to isolate and find some of these bad stressors and remove them instead, thus replacing back the good stressor to get out of bed, showered, shaved and motivated. Once motivated, then work on one emotion at a time. He has the tools and information to do this from the course, he just has to want too. Tell him not to try and solve big problems, but instead go little. Baby steps is how we move back into leaps, then bounds, then running. Kinda like crawling before we walk. That is what he must do now. He is putting more bad stressors within him, just thinking to large at the moment, putting himself down because he can't cope with big things, big tasks, bigger issues... because he is aiming to far. I know, I had to walk this same path. Start at baby steps... something very little, chip away at it and remove bad stressors, trauma, little by little. Find a little resolution each day, over a month that adds up. As more and more trauma is chipped, instead of having to take baby steps, he is then taking leaps and bounds, because he has that much more room to do so, thus taking chunks out of his trauma at that point.

You see, the initial getting going is the hard part, because we all aim to high at first. Step back, get him to slow down, and look at little pieces of emotions that he can resolve, find reason and discuss, so he no longer fears something, and turns fear into just a bad memory. It works Jen, he just has to see it... start little and it progresses into bounds before he'll know it.

Thanks Anthony he seems to be trying to please me all the time with every little thing always asking is everything ok. This is ok but I dont like to be crowded. I am not going to say anything to him about this as he may step backwards and I dont want that. I think he still feels guilty about what we went through at the start of the year.

[I]Once motivated, then work on one emotion at a time. He has the tools and information to do this from the course, he just has to want too.
Would it help if I talk to him about this one to try and help him with this?
Thanks Jen

Anthony Jen again just reading through the forum and noticed this comment that you write.
He will never be the person he was, ever. You do not see or live in those conditions and come back exactly the same.
OW that really hit home with me! That made me quite emotional. That is so sad!
I probably knew it deep down but didnt want to accept the fact that he has changed from the guy I married.
Jen

He has Jen, and will never be the before bi-product as such. You know, as scary as that sounds, every single person changes through time, its just that when we don't go away for a long period, or get exposed to an emotionally significant event, people just don't notice. If you look at yourself 10 years ago, and then look now... are you the same person? I don't believe so. So why would you expect to still be married to the same person you met so long ago?

Jen, it would help you both to talk lots more about everything that comes to be an issue with either of you. That is what a relationship is, sorting through all these little daily issues, before they become big issues.

Thanks Anthony no I dont suppose I am the same person as I was 10 years ago when we were married but not such a drastic change as such. If anything I have learnt to harden up.
Martha said Hubby did not open up as much as she was hoping he would so she is arranging for him to get extra counselling.He does not talk about his thoughts very easily.
But his moods are a bit better I think he is enjoying having our son home on leave as well he just seems to be a little bit happier with him around as long as this mood doesnt leave when he goes back!
I hope you and Kerri Anne and family have a lovely Xmas Day.
We will be spending the day in the pool they say its going to be a hot one.
Jen

Make that we were married 25 years ago gee thats quarter of a century all of a sudden I am feeling a bit old:doh:

I am only posting here because hubs read but did not post, his response was to me... He knows why I act bitchy now. Before I showed him this thread I was stressing over getting to my new home, I asked have you seen Anthony's cup? I took two cups to the sink and gave him a basic run down, said here is my life OK???? Stomped off.

But as usual Anthony puts it in a way better perspective and nicely. Does it help his understanding yes... How hubs acts no.

But understanding is a step. It does what I have read help push me to get up and shower and make up, put on jewelery... That is a lot now. I pick and choose what I can do in a day. Today I got up at 4 PM for the day and FORCED myself to do the good stress, all I had. Trying to deal with bad stress over toddler wore my cross to the nativity and she took it off at grandparents, hubs put in pocket... now MIA. I am very upset and well it is little to most or all but it has left me "stuck". I am not upset with the baby, but hubs. Yeah, I hope it helps those who deal with us.

Anthony,
That is really informative. I have gotten a better insight with that than I have in the last six months from doctors and such. I am really looking forward to reading the final draft.
With all the stress did you ever have memory problems? My husband's biggest complaint (well this month anyway) is that his short term memory is completely gone (and has been for months). I have to call him three to four times a day to remind him of appointments or things he needed to do. That is on top of reminders on his PDA, computer at work, hand written notes, and alarms on his cell phone. Is this kind of memory loss common with PTSD?

GB, memory is a huge problem with PTSD, as our minds our clouded with trauma itself. Basically, our mind is consumed with trauma, or preoccupied as such, which leaves little space for memory itself.