I can only speak for myself, but I've read almost all of your posts and relate to alot of the emotions you're going through. Almost all of the therapy I've received for PTSD has been in a closed environment of Vietnam Veterans, and that sorta leaves me in the undesirable position of not knowing what to suggest when someone posts about (for instance) binge eating to get their mind off a symptom, or hiding in a corner to feel safe because they saw someone who resembled someone, etc. Even though our PTSD is the same, certain events cause certain triggers, I'm sure that things that trigger you would pass me by untouched, as things that trigger me would pass by you unnoticed. As Anthony pointed out, two soldiers fighting side-by-side are gonna have triggers that aggravate their symptoms completely different from each other. I don't post on some of your posts because I don't want to harm you any more by posting something that may have helped me, but could send you spiralling downward out of control. It's not that I don't feel kinship with you because of PTSD, PTSD has caused us all to band together to fight it and recover. Just as I can spot a fake Vietnam Vet just by talking with them, I think we all can spot a person faking PTSD. Both of us have it and that puts us on common ground. With your post, I sense the common symptoms of feeling "less than" or "different than everyone". Those are symptoms that aren't discussed much, but very much the simplest, most basic symptoms of our disorder. As such, the topic of this thread, I think. But, as some of the Ladies in here will testify, even though I don 't understand how you Ladies think, I still try to intrude on their seeming "Ladies Only" discussions and give my opinion. Anyway, who couldn't notice someone with the screen name of Batgirl. I better end this so I can go to the batroom, HA! HA! HA!
Respect,
WarHippy1%

So are you saying that my story doesn't matter? Why even f$#%$ talk about it then. Am I just wasting my time.

I don't believe anyone is saying that at all Monarch... quite the opposite. The way in which we got our trauma is unique from person to person, as I pointed out in my original example. What people tend to do though is believe they will find more comfort from someone who suffered the same, or close too, as they did, which is far far from the truth. PTSD is a neurological change within our brain, classified as an anxiety disorder, and how you got it is irrelevant to how you feel to another who also has PTSD. The symptoms are the same, and that is what bonds us already... when people try and find someone who has suffered the same as they have for understanding, is often causing more anxiety firstly trying to find them, then discovering that what they hear from them actually does them worst mentally, thinking their trauma is lesser than the other, or the other is lesser than themselves. All bad when the original concept was to seek like support.

PTSD is what we all suffer, and that is the goal in order to heal. Uniquely people must heal the way in which they got their trauma, that is what a counsellor is for, but yes, healing our trauma is part of healing PTSD, but that doesn't mean we have to go and only find support from those who suffer the same or like trauma.

Hope that clarifies what this thread is about, and the comments made.

I understand.

Monarch,
I apologize if I said something to cause you to feel like your story does not matter, it does. I was trying to explain why I don't always have a comment to help someone. One of my triggers for a few years after I came home was loud noises while I was sleeping. I would wake with a start, and start running for the bunker line to defend the perimeter, as that was what I was trained for. Nobody told my just-awakening mind that I was in a confined space, so my hasty run to defend always ended at the wall, usually with my face hitting it. Just as I would not expect you to comment on what would help me with that, I would not comment on one of your triggers that I had no experience with. It has nothing to do with feeling someone is important enough to help, it has everything to do with not commenting unless I think I might be of some help to someone based on MY experience in that area. Does that help clarify and defuse your anger?

Thanks for your comments WarHippy, I'm not feeling totally like myself at the moment so I won't comment back, perhaps I will later on, but I wanted to acknowledge you had written and say thank you.

I understand WarHippy, it wasn't just your comment so don't worry, it was the whole thread. I guess I was a little overwhelmed but what everyone was writing and I took it the wrong way, that is my deal so no worries.

Monarch

I just love this thread, the truth and honesty that's throughout it, it gives me much hope that people can really express what they think and feel while respecting each other and without attacking one another. Hope...Hope...Hope ! I just love it. And, it's not me (my username) I'm talking about. (lol) In fact it's 'Possibility.'

Thank you Anthony for getting this discussion started and for putting all that 'good stuff' into words. I agree completely. Throughout my life I've generally always had the quality of being a very good listener. And, I've had numerous others with PTSD, discuss their feelings, thoughts, and problems with me, for hrs. sometimes on end. I remember the 1st guy to do so was a Vietnam Vet that was a neighbor to us for yrs. in my home town. When I was a kid I use to deliver newspapers to his home and he'd always answer the door. I was shy so not much was ever said, but when I hit 21yrs. old and he had heard I'd put down liquor, and I was getting sober and struggling to stay that way, he suddenly started calling our house and asking to speak to me at all hrs. of the morning. And, he'd talk on and on and about his feelings and feeling suicidal and Vietnam and so much more, and I wanted so badly to help him and always did my best. My attentiveness and listening always seemed to help him so much. And, then the handful of others in between, and then most recently while on a therapuetic retreat there were two others besides me with diagnosed PTSD there, and one other that perhaps has this too. Well, there were two that I and them all felt an indescribable transmission line with one another while witnessing each other's therapuetic work and getting to know one another a little socially in the context of the situation and on retreat. One of these men was a Vietnam Vet. Well the three of us ended up expressing nothing but pure love and respect for one another and for each others intention. It was awesome.

(And, just for the sexually minded, as I struggle with old trust issues and still fear the lack of competency of people to accurately judge just what the hell I'm talking about here, I'm talking about the unconditional love and nonverbal understanding of another PTSD sufferer.)

Whatever. Back on track. So I understand and appreciate every word anthony has said.

Batgirl, I love your honesty. I think and have thought and felt that I've seen this too, but never thought I had the right to have a thought on this subject, let alone express it. So I really appreciate you speaking as open and honest as you have.

And, you know just everything, it's all good, good, good, good, good. I just love insight, truthful discussion, wisdom, experience, goodness. You put it all together it's just great.

I might add, that I stayed away from this post initially, bc it takes me forever to read, then process and then put into words a response. It could even take me days and I've missed posting to many a thread bc of this. Once through the reading and the processing I'd have to stop, as there would be no more time then, and then I'd attempt to post only to get interrupted by countless interruptions here at home, as well as, if no one has noticed I don't really know how to respond briefly yet and when I do attempt to respond to a post it's either all or nothing. It's not easy for me to grab hold of what I'm thinking and put it into words.

Anyhow whatever, all I know is that I just love the honesty in this post and though I've never selected to respond to only those with similar trauma's as me, I still think fearfully, with paranoia and as if I'm guilty of it, but that's ok too, bc I'm not and I need to see just how fearful, paranoid, and insecure I am at times, so I can do something about it.

This forum and so much of the discussions seems to bring to my surface one thing after the other, that is present in me and that I need to learn from and learn to cope better with. It's like this forum is jammed packed full of good lessons for living. It all seems to realign things within me, with new lessons, that I can later put to good use in my daily life. That of course is when I allow myself to have a fairly normal daily life and don't become obsessive or addicted to any one thing. All of which I'm working on and doing well at times with.

I really hope it's ok to be as long winded as I am, bc this is the second time tonight, but I will say from time to time I've noticed I'm not always alone in this long-windedness.

I was unclear, so for clarification purposes this is what I am referring too:

I have also sensed some internal divisions here and felt isolated because of lack of inclusion, but not because of intentional efforts or anything like that. Of course there is the division based on how long different people have been interacting with each other here but I mean more than that. Now the parts that are common between different groups all differ but there are commonalities, similar conditions, similar problems, etc. It is here that I have tried to focus on, tried to connect to things others say and find ways to interpret them that do apply. This is difficult of course, more difficult than the other kinds of bonding here, sure, but it is equally possible. This is why I stay here, why I have not left completely.

On the trust issue I have to admit that it seems most of the talk here on that revolves around suspicion in areas related to some sort of abuse, or of being targeted and attacked. I know what happened to me was absolutely an accident, and there is not even some engineering failure I can point to either. A failure in city planning perhaps, but I know that regardless of any failure in planning or oversight there that what happened to me was also an accident. I feel isolated from most here because of that. I was not shot or made to watch people shoot each other in a war zone or anything like that. I was not abused by a trusted person or subjected to poverty and strife like so many here have been. It is just that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and unlike most of the others over the years later I happened to live. I know there are aspects of those categories of causes and even more types that have related conditions that need to be discussed directly just as well as everything else. I just thought I would also admit that I sometimes have trouble associating with what is said in a lot of the threads here too.

I have always felt that I can relate to you though Evie. I am not sure why. We are around the same age and the terrible things happened around the same phases so maybe that is part of it. Massive physical damage and hospitalization for it too a little, at least as far as the psychological impacts. I also am afraid of so many of the things that I have read you are. I doubt that I am really capable of doing so many things but I am resolved to really test things out now and find the real limits. Your progress has helped to inspire me here. I want to tell you one thing that I do know though, one detail that I think you may have started to doubt a little. Everything will be all right Evie. Take care of yourself and everything will settle the way it can.