Cathy, denial comes in so many forms. Let me use examples:

# You forgive someone, or you believe you have forgiven someone, but deep down you know you don't have a trust for them. (Denial about forgiveness)

# Your mother beats you as a child, as an adult you forgive her, believing that all is now well and you are at peace with her. But in actual fact you don't like being around her much, you can't cope with her company, you cannot trust her. (Denial of forgiveness)

I can poke examples all day long in general reference. We often believe one thing, but deep down we have trust issues, and other insecurities with people, hence we haven't really forgiven anyone, because if we did forgive, then we would not have the untalked, unsolved burning emotions beneath.

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road?redish brown
Q2. What texture is the road?clay, slippery from the rain, very even, like it's just been scraped. maybe that's why there are no gravels on it.
Q3. How solid is the road?solid, slippery on the surface, but the roadbed under it has to be pretty solid.

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.



Q4. How do you cross the river?an old hanging bridge, looks unsafe, but it seems sturdy when i give it a good tug, the rope looks kind of frayed, but it seems ok. it is slow going, i am afraid, and i just kind of scoot my feet along.for some reason?, i am barefooted, and the rope hurts my feet because it is so rough.
Q5. What does the water look like?the water is choppy, whitecaps. doesn't seem clear, but not murky, either. maybe still green, not sure.
Q6. How fast is the water current?fast, like rapids, but it is very shallow.
Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?there are a few large, boulder type of rocks, but they are rounded, you can see the sharp ends of smaller rocks sticking up out of the water here and there. after i get across, i stand there, looking at the water for a while.

You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house?white, peeling paint, only 1 story.
Q9. What condition is the house in?poor condition, abandoned. weeds grown up around the yard, and the fence is all tangled with weeds.
Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?no. empty. sadness still here. i am curious about the people that lived here.


We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup?yellow, faded by the sun, almost to white, but you can still see the yellow on the inside.
Q12. What condition is the cup in?faded, dirty scratched up. it is plastic, not glass.like tupperware.
Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?no

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?it is an old, rusty car, looks like it was pulled across the gap where a gate should be. wire fence on both sides of it. old model car, very old, looks like it had green and white paint at one time, mostly rust now, some places missing larges areas, to the rust, i guess. there are no tires on the car, and the metal part of the wheels are sunken into the ground some. brush underneath and around it. windows are cracked and broken, stuff from the inside roof hanging down, all yucky.

Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?a forest, trees and brush, it looks like there might be a path, but it is grown over. i don't want to go through it, i am still barefooted, and the clay is all stuck to me already, still raining, drizzley-like. i just am disappointed, can't get around the car. don't want to. sit down in the road, tired. look to see if there is another road or path back there, but there's not, overwhelming disappointment. don't know what to do, turn around, stay there, just sitting in the rain. stuck.

// End The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

// End Self Analysis "copy between the tags" //
l.i guess it's just the color and texture because it's clay. i don't like the slippery , muddy feeling. my feet are getting coated by the wet clay.
2.texture is very slimey, like wet clay.
3.it's solid enough, the top layer is just wet. very even-which is unual for a clay road. usually haave gravels on them, but none here, looks like it has just been scraped. large ditches on both sides, it looks odd, because there is nothing growing in the ditch. looks kind of like its made out of playdough or something.
i assume the road is my life, solid, but a little slippery.it really bothers me that i'm barefoot, although i did and still do go barefoot a lot.
4.the bridge is just a way across something. it is scarey, though. a nice, wooden bridge that didn't swing and sway would have been better. the rope is rough and my feet are getting scratched by it. i am afraid that the rope will break, but it didn't. relief to be on the other side.
5. water is choppy, going a lot of different directions like rapids. it is shallow, but it's a darker color, but not murky or muddy. lots of whitecaps, you can tell that there are a lot of rocks on the bottom.
6.the boulders are large, but they are not jagged, sharp, jagged rocks sticking out of the water here and there, but they are much smaller. no brush in the banks, more rocks. looks like the water level is dropped a little, and what is on the sides used to be in the water. i am glad there is a way over the water, but it is also scarey, but it holds up. feel very tense there, but relief on the other side. i want to stay and watch the water. i guess it's somehting to get over or across, there is a way, but its unsure??? haven't got a clue why i stand there looking after i'm across, maybe i'm just tired?
8.color--white, at one time, anyway. .
9.condition--disrepair, peeling paint, shutters hanging off,weeds all grown up in the yard, and right up against the house. small picket fence is fallling down, and tangled in weeds. if this is support? i have no idea what , if anything, the weeds are. sadness, curiosity of the family that must have lived there. if there wwere children, old people or young? what happened to make them leave it.
10.empty and sad.
11.the cup, yellow, faded. funny that it is more "modern" than anything else around. looks like a tupperware tumbler.
12. condition, oops, see above. whole, but you wouldn't want to ever use it again, you could never get the dirt out of all the scratches on it.
13. it is empty, doesn't look like it had anything in it when it was left there.
i don't know what it means. don't have any bad feelings there.
14.old, looks like a 50's model of some kind. green and white paint visable some places, but covered with rust, some places rusted out. the inside has been exposed to the weather, and it is filthy and falling apart too, windows missing or broken. no tires. it seems that someone moved it there, probably already a junker, to stand in for a gate that was missing.
15. it's like everything past the fence and the car are brush and trees.forest.
it's pretty, and it seems calm in the rain, it looks like there's a path, but it's grown up some, and you can't see where it goes. i think, if i was wearing shoes, i might have wanted to give it a try. but it's too brushy for bare feet. i am so disappointed, and wet, and muddy, it's just awful. not sure what to do from here. confusion maybe?

You are highly emotional about feeling unappreciated in life, feeling like is quite difficult to navigate, most likely due to an undesirable sexual situation. You are markedly inhibited towards sexual relationships from past deception that has caused you great pain. You have approached intimacy quickly, often believing you’re not in too deep, though you are aware of these problems and the stagnation that exists. Your naivety is beginning to diminish in regards to your past support systems not being present for you, though you struggle to come to terms with this, and as a result, show a very poor self esteem. You are committed towards your partner and things you love most doing in life. You are naïve to believe returning to an earlier time within your life will repair the deception and lies you have endured. Whilst you feel suicide is an option, the actual problems before you are that of your own beliefs that your life was headed in a healthy direction, to only find you feel guilt or shame about your choices made, possibly reflective upon your feeling of worthlessness from past victimization. You possibly feel drained and exhausted from the lack of support within your life, and the deception of past sexual relationships. You see a healthy future ahead of you, and must merely fight these past demons to become part of it.

Possible questions you may ask yourself:

* Am I being honest with myself about the past impact sexual relationships have on my current relationships?

* Why do I feel guilty about making the wrong choices in lifes direction?

* If my past support has been poor, and this feeling surrounds me, then is trying to change my past support or bring my past poor support into my present healthy?

* Am I being honest with those in my past about how I feel about them?

Cathy, I would compare your answers from a week ago, and look for those connections you have made and see what you have, and have not come to terms with, what is, and is not the priority for me to heal, and where do I need to speakup and whom must I be honest with by telling them my true feelings. It is easy to ignore those we have negative emotions, though to speakup and be honest with them, lifts the burden of negativity from ourselves, thus cleansing ourselves off such emotions. Another way of saying it, better out than in. But out, must be to those it matters and effects most.

i feel like i'm honest with myself, i just can't change it. i don't know about wrong choices, heck too many of those to count. not exactly sure what that is. i know the past is the past, i can't change it, don't want to bring it to the present, it just kind of came up and slapped me. can't tell them how i feel about them, afraid my mother would have another heart attack, daddy would prob take it out on her, and grandad is dead.
ok, on another note, i think i recognize the car that was the obstacle, but i can't figure the significance, except it would be my past. it looks like the car we had when i was around 6 or 7. my daddy was proud of that car, he took pictures of it, lol. i can remember seeing it, don't remember anything about the inside, or riding in it, too long ago, but i know i did. it certainly never looked like it did in the road there. the disappointment must be in myself for letting all this stuff bother me after so long. i don't know???

ok, tried to edit, but it didn't work--had to log in again, and lost what i changed. now i can't edit, so i'll add it here. just was saying that i know i need to be more open with my husband, so he can be more supportive, but i feel really guilty to add to his stress. still trying to be a good girl on every level, i guess, feel like if i could have been "good" enough those things would not have happened, but can never really be good enough. i realize that i was not honest with my mother about forgiving her, but i thought i did at the time, and i want to, and i will, somehow, when i can. working on it.

Cathy, your now finding all very relevant and important points that are sitting within your mind and causing your problems. I would even print your responses out and give them to your therapist, so they can see exactly what you have written here, to discuss in detail with you.

Cathy, before that car, there is another obstacle, what is it and please describe it?

ok, i posted this once--or wrote it, and forgot to post. sigh.
I can't think of another obstacle that was there when i posted that. the only thing i can think of is a hill (road goes over) and the road being slippery, my footing is hard to keep, a difficult climb, maybe not an obstacle. it was so near the beginning i wouldn't think of it as such.

There is a significant problem of feeling depreciated Cathy, one which you are aware off. You feel unworthy of something, what is it?