Anthony,
Now that some time has past I can see clearer what you were saying Yes I am totaly obssesed with My uncle and his Monster friends there were several male people that were involved in my rapes and I am very much stuck on these men and there identities I will never know who they were, but the fact that there were that many sick people involved in the same acts make me sick.

I am feeling like my support system my hubby is lacking as he keeps telling me that he understands and is here for me yet he isnt and always finds ways of being gone or convienently not around when I need him or when the dr.s want to talk to him, as far as Intamcy goes it is an issue that is becoming a large problem Iam intereasted in trying to be intimate but my hubby seems to not be intereasted, however I am worried that I will upset him if we are intimate because I will have a flashback . I have begun to do some digging and have discovered while I am the only one heraped my uncle diid touch my other cousins in inappropriate ways, it makes charging easier, just havent been able to give detailed statement and not sure when i will. Now that my Uncle has moved to Hawaii I feel some sense of relief but I still worry tht he will one day show up and I will have to confront him face to face again because ican not hold back my emotions any more. I have gotten to a place that I am no longer coping and have resorted to my old habits of repressing and denial as well as avoiding people and things that remind me or place me in similar positions

Mouse, lets be honest here, don't be too hard on yourself just yet ha! You have suffered an endless amount of shit in your childhood mouse, you are a victim, and here you are now pulling it all back up too deal with. Give yourself some serious credit for the work your doing on yourself. You really are quite inspirational mouse, especially to others looking in at you, the work you are doing, the progress you are making. Look at the positives, and use them to help you along through your journey.

Now, have you discussed intimacy with your husband? Because you are ready, and you say he doesn't want it, does he know you want to try? Does he know exactly what you want in regard to the beginning of getting back into intimacy? Does he know how he must help you to become more comfortable? He is not a mind reader, please remember this, and you will need to guide him the entire way until you are really comfortable. If sex has been taken out of your lives for some time, he will also be uncomfortable now, he will be embarrassed, he will be scared of whether he may hurt you emotionally. There is more to this than just you... and this takes much discussion, trial and error between you both. You must both participate though, not just one or the other, and a lot of talk from you both, a lot of reassurance from you both, so that each knows to continue.

Thank you Anthony,
Yes I have spoken with My hubby about begining to try to be close again he says he is all for it but he still has issues too he cant seem to even hold me in bed I know that we are both relearning here but it makes me wonder if he will ever see me as a sexual being or if he just sees me as a rape victim. To tell the truth I am not sure how I see my self, I know I love him and we will get through this but he needs to work as hard as me i give him credit for all he has done so far but I also need more I know that now we are both learning again maybe Iam just tired and need a few days to be less exhausted and bothered.

Just remember the biggest thing here mouse; PATIENCE. That applies to both you and your partner.