Hope you all had a good Christmas and a Happy New Year. Things are going okay around here I guess except my little boy is having medical problems as if everything else I have is not enough on me, but I am doing a lot better now. The doctor put me on a medicine to help with the anxiety. I did not want to do this, but I was really having trouble coping with my husband leaving me and the fact that he says he never loved me. I find that so hard to believe with all we have shared. Either way though, my life has to go on and I cannot dwell on the past.

Thanks to all of you for helping me through this difficult time in my life and pray for my little boy to get better along with my mama and I will pray for you all and your silk folks too.

Love to all.

Dazed

Dazed, sounds like someone is starting to think a bit more positively??? Nice to see... very nice. I too hope your little fella improves. What is up with him?

Hi Dazed sorry to hear about your little boy I hope it is not to serious.You will find the medication the doc has put you on will make you feel better and he has done it for a reason you need to look after yourself and as we know stress can play up with the body. I went on antidepressants for 6 months I didnt want to at the start but they did help just stick with it you will know when you dont need them anymore. I had a real problem thinking it was a sign of weakness to give in to the medication but for a short term its fine.
Jen

dazed - was thinking about you glad you posted - love you are coping dont worry about the medicine it will help - take strength and forget about him you are who you are - talking strong here - just had a 2 hour session with my shrink. hes fab says I should forget about my husband and live for me - knew that was coming - he knows him too- hes beyond help - only god can help him now - cant do anything more - one life one control - life is short we must grasp it - happiness is a state of mind - we must learn to enjoy again - different but enjoy- hugs to youand your son. keep leeting us know how you are.

My little boy had blood in his urine and they are doing a culture and put him on some antibiotics. The doctor said it could just be nothing, but was worrisome in a small child.

Glad you are all doing pretty well.

My husband seems to be getting worse and worse. He looks so sad and lonely, but I cannot make his happiness for him. He has to do that himself. I have to take care of my child and myself and that is what I am doing.

I am also proud to say that I have lost weight during all of this mess. I am really proud of that. About 22 pounds I think. I still have a ways to go before I am at a better weight for me, but any loss is an improvement overall.

Everyone keeps telling me that I look so much younger and that really helps my ego. My husband even told me a while back that I look 10 years younger, so he noticed too. He keeps saying that I am better off without him. I still have a twinge every once in awhile, but for the most part I am moving on with God holding my hand. Without him I know I could not make it. I also need good buddies/friends like all of you. I will try to keep posting unless I have to have my internet cut off because of the financial situation. I hope not though, because this really helps.

love ya'll

dazed

Hi Dazed

Hope your son is getting better.

Good on you for putting yourself in the number one position in your life. If you don't take care of your needs first then you can't really enjoy all the good things around you.
I know what you mean about the weight loss! I've dropped a bit myself. Use it as a chance to grab a girlfriend & go out & spend some money on yourself to get yourself some clothes & have a great time doing something that's all about YOU!
Enjoy coming out of your cocoon & and embracing the beautiful butterfly that you are becoming!

Thanks for the comments. I am trying to do better. My husband and I can actually talk now a little bit better. I have been researching ACOA, as my daddy is an alcoholic and I told him that I understand why we were having so much trouble relating to each other, with him having PTSD and me having the emotional problems that I really have never faced because fo the trauma that I went through as a child too. He said he knows and that is why he is going to the psychologist. I don't know what the future holds for us, but at least I don't burst into tears each time I see him now after he leaves. I am back at work too now and I am actually making production again (I am a transcriptionist). I really love my job and I had gotten so bogged down with all of this, I thought I would never get back to where I could make production. This will help with finances hopefully, until the divorce is final. It is just so unfair that he can just all of the sudden decide he does not want to be here anymore, leave me with the bills and just give me what he wants to until the divorce is final, not caring what is going on here really. It is like he is in such a "fog" he is not even in reality and I know that is probably part of it, but it is hard to handle finances and stretch the money. It will only stretch so far ya know!!!

Just say a prayer for us. My little boy is feeling better and that makes me feel better. He misses his daddy so much though. He spent some time with him last night and then he brought up back today, so at least he got to see him this week, even though I though his daddy was going to cancel. I am so glad that he did not. He seems to be doing better now with our son and I am at least grateful for that. I was really getting worried for awhile with all the changes in my husband....

Thanks to all and God bless! Hope you all have a very blessed day.

dazed

Hi Dazed
Im glad to read that things are a little better with your husband, just take things a day at a time thats all you can do .
Also pleased to read that your little boy is feeling better too
Sending you loads of hugs and vibes that things keep better.
Kim

I just found out today that I will have to sell everything I own most probably and find a place for my son and I to move to. This is the way the property laws work here where I live (lucky me). By the time it is sold or anything though, it may be foreclosed on anyway and my hubby could care less. He is just in la-la land and when I told him what the lawyer said, he just kept talking about some pictures he had taken today of our son at the awards ceremony (I am so proud of my son) and how they would probably be back on Friday.

Is there anyone else out there who can relate to this? Is this normal for someone with PTSD? What am I going to do? I just wonder! He has to sign paperwork even if it is sold and if it does not sell for enough money, they will come after him first and he could care less about the fact #1 His son and I may be homeless until we find a place and #2 that he may be left owing a lot of money besides the other things they told me that we would "both" incur with this crazy divorce.

I don't care anymore if he divorces me, but to leave me in this financial shape when he left, this is so crappy. I don't mind taking half of the stuff, but he is planning on just hanging around in la-la land until they make him do something about it and the lawyer informed me that I am better off right now until he files for divorce I hopefully can get rid of things and sell things in order to pay off some of the debt. This is just lovely isn't it? :angry-fla

Oh well, life goes on. I am still going to be happy dog gone it. You guys just keep on listening and praying for me!

Love ya'll and I send you bunches of hugs and my little boy is so much better, so that is a big relief.

dazed

oh dazed - focus on your situation - forget about hima and call in all favours and sort yoor finances out - if you end downsizing renting but happy with yourself god will watch over you xxxx praying for you thanks for being there for me - glad your boy has recovered