Hi Kay,

Just got online to check the forum out - you and Anthony have been busy. I am surprised, to say the least, as he is not normally this communicative although he has been making an effort since the beginning of the course. Wow you have had a rough journey so far. I don't think I have the words to say how brave you must be, to still be standing after all of that.

What scary times for you, an abusive therapist and then cancer. I can't even begin to imagine. It seems to me, from your posts, that you are ready to move ahead and heal as best you can. The courage that you have had so far will be needed to see you through the EMDR but as I said to Anthony, he may have been reliving it but he has a safe place to come to and family that love him. That is different from the circumstances which caused the PTSD. He wasn't in a safe place then and he couldn't get to family who loved him. The same theory will apply to you. The catalyst for PTSD is the same but the environment will be different.

Anyhow enough of the heavy stuff - how is your dog and what happened to your cat, Socrates wasn't it? What a cool name for a cat!! Wish I thought of a philosopher to name my cats but then what they have suits them. They were both named before we got them from the breeder and how appropriate they are. Sassi (Anthony's cat) is the little lilac female and boy is she sassi and of course we have my loveable Baloo, the brown (I prefer to call him dark chocolate) is named after the big, clumsy bear in the Jungle Book = it too is appropriate. I do love them so. They were my babies before the little one you will have seen in Anthony's photo. He has had a real positive effect on both of us. Can't be angry at something so little and cute.

Oh... here are some pictures of them both... don't be fooled by their cuteness either... geez they can get up to mischief together!

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Hi there Kay,
Having intently read your postings I would like to extend an open hand to you as others have already done and offer you support the best I know how. I felt touched when I saw your strength and endurance after all of these years. You're a fighter that's for sure, but even the strongest of us can always use strength and love from others.

I have some news I'm hoping will be helpful for you. In previous conversations with Kerrie-Anne and Anthony you mentioned you were having treatment about EMDR. I think it is extremely important that you know as much as you can about any proposed therapeutic technique your therapist may want to use with you and that you feel comfortable with and confident in your therapist. Open communication is the most important thing for treatment to be effective.

Well I've done a little research for your and found a great article by Susan McCabe. It says that EMDR has most consistently been used for treating PTSD. Nurses in the article state that “traumatic events� (producing PTSD) “upset the balance of the brain’s information-processing center [which] prevents the information from proceeding to an adaptive resolution, and perceptions of the trauma incident are locked into the nervous system� (McCabe 2004). In other words [FONT=Arial Black]PTSD has produced an ‘alert switch’ which has been left on ‘stop’ not can’t allowing the person to understand or interpret the traumatic event/memory and move on from that event/s. [/FONT] Rather they are re-experiencing the event/s constantly in their mind and body, hence current symptoms such as nightmares, flashbacks, exaggerated startled responses, poor sleeping patterns, avoidance behaviours etc.

[COLOR=MediumTurquoise][FONT=Arial Black]Commonly Available Treatments for PTSD[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=Magenta]Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Core Aspect of Therapy - Working with cognitions to change emotions, thoughts, and behavriours
Level of Evidence on Efficacy - High
Level of Acceptance - High[/COLOR]

[COLOR=YellowGreen]Psycho/pharma-cotherapy
Core Aspect of Therapy - Medications targeted at discrete symptoms clusters
Level of Evidence on Efficacy - High
Level of Acceptance - High[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray]EMDR
Core Aspect of Therapy - Eye movements, hand taps, sounds to create an alteration in distress level of intrusive memories
Level of Evidence on Efficacy - Low to moderate
Level of Acceptance - Moderate[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Group Therapy
Core Aspect of Therapy - Using group factors of cohesion, safety, universality, and problem solving to reduce symptoms through shared experiences
Level of Evidence on Efficacy - High
Level of Acceptance - Moderate[/COLOR]

[COLOR=Purple]Individual Therapy
Core Aspect of Therapy - Focus on emotional conflicts caused by traumatic event, often as they relate to earlier life experiences
Level of Evidence on Efficacy - Moderate
Level of Acceptance - High[/COLOR]
Reference: Adapted from National Centre for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, 2004, cited in McCabe 2004.


Although this information suggests EMDR as having a low to moderate level of evidence on efficacy my supervising psychologist specialises in treating clients with PTSD using this method and she has had an extremely high success rate with clients in many situations including war related incidents, sexual dysfunction, rape, phobias, police etc. Other research indicates EMDR can be used with problems such as addictions, pain management, panic disorder, dental fears, childhood trauma, body dysmorphic disorder, fear of public speaking, eating disorders, morbid jealousy, chronic pain, depression and anxiety (McCabe 2004).

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Success Rate of EMDR[/COLOR]
Research indicates limited data indicating negative effects from EMDR therapy, leading to a general acceptance on its overall safe treatment.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Therapist Training for EMDR[/COLOR]
Supports of EMDR contend it should be undertaken only by licensed mental health providers who have been adequately trained in its use. To date, more than 20,000 mental health professionals have been formally trained.

[FONT=Arial Black][COLOR=Red]EMDR: What Is It?[/COLOR]
“A patient is troubled by intrusive and disturbing memories of past traumatic events and is feeling a significant level of distress. He/she seeks help from a therapist, who quickly moves a finger back and forth in front of the patient’s face, all the while asking him to hold traumatic images and memories in mind, and then asking the patient to shift associated memories to positive thoughts. After this activity, the patient self-rates his/her level of distress, and treatment is continued until significant improvement is noted� (McCabe 2004). That is the core of EMDR treatment.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial Black]EMDR is perhaps best described as the intentional induction of rapid, rhythmic saccadic eye movement in order to assist an individual to desensitize linkages between experienced events and emotionally loaded memories (Blore, 1996). The aim is to make individuals so accustomed to the traumatic memories that they lose their distress-inducing capacity (EMDR, 2002, cited in McCabe 2004).[/FONT]

[COLOR=Olive]The Dentist[/COLOR]
I like to think of treatment for PTSD using the metaphor of a dentist treating a patient with a hole in their tooth. The dentist could easily just put a filling over the tooth, however the problem underneath which caused the hole in the first place is still trapped there. Instead, for the best result, the dentist uses the wide variety of tools such as the drill to give it a very through clean making sure they get all of the plaque before filling it in. It could hurt like crazy while the cleaning process is occurring but both the patient and dentist know the pain in the long run will be worth it because the hole won’t spread and create more problems. Once the cleaning process is done the filling can be put in place.

This is similar to the process of treating trauma. EMDR and indeed any treatment process can be difficult and possibly painful because you are digging through the layers of trauma (plaque) that may have become comfortable revealing personal feelings of vulnerability, hurt, fear and pain. Instead of digging with a drill, therapists operate by waving their fingers from side to side to help you process your event/s. If you can find the right therapy for you, the process of cleaning, although difficult, will be helpful for you in the long run. Once you have gone through this cleaning process healing can begin.

Be mindful though, therapy is not a cure, particularly for PTSD. Therapy is designed to assist you in managing your symptoms. Unfortunately the expectation of “getting things completely back to normal� to before the traumatic event took place is unrealistic, rather we must grasp the concept that any event (positive, neutral or negative) will change us (PTSD or no PTSD) and we don’t go back once we have learnt something. We can move forward though and this brings me hope. Engaging in the right therapy for you is one way of moving forward.

[COLOR=SeaGreen]In Conclusion[/COLOR]
My apologies for the length of this post but I hope this leaves you with a little more knowledge and comfort knowing that wonderful techniques such as EMDR are being used daily with good success rates all over the world. So to sum up discussed in this short essay as it has turned out to be, topics touched upon were;
What is PTSD, the affects of PTSD, treatment methods for PTSD, types of PTSD treated with EMDR, safety of EMDR, Therapist training and the cleaning process.
I do not profess to be an expert on this topic however I believe this research to be consistent with various sources including PTSD specialist Leah Giarratano’s (2004) text “Clinical skills for Managing PTSD�.

References
Giarratano, L (2004) Clinical Skills for Managing PTSD: Proven practical techniques for treating posttraumatic stress disorder. Talomin Books Pty Ltd: Mascot, Australia.

McCabe, S. EMDR: Implication of the Use of Reprocessing Therapy in Nursing Practice. Journal: Perspectives in Psychiatric Care; July-September 2004; 40, 3; Academic Research Library pg 104.



I hope I have produced something useful for you and to encourage a little reflection and discussion with you (and anyone else who wishes to participate), what (if anything) has been most helpful for you? Has it evoked some kind of connection of previous information you had on any of these topics? If you are interest in further information please just ask questions. This is how we learn. I can contact my supervisor and I’m sure she would be able to help us.

I'll be interested to hear your comments.....

Hi Anthony:

Thank you for the picture. Your little guy is so cute. I could see how he could be therapeutic for you. Kids are so much fun, alive when they are at that age. I have three nieces and a nephew. They are the joy of my life. I have no children of my own. During my 8 year marriage (unhealthy relationship) it was not a good idea. He was a cop who was very unsatisfied with just one wife. He had to have 7 women in his life. And a few years ago, I had a hysterectomy so am unable to have children now. I am sad at the fact I can't have children; but at the same time; I am relieved, as I am not sure I have it in me to provide what a child needs. If I meet a gentleman who has children, wonderful. The guys at my job are like my kids too. I spoil them. So I am surrounded by the joys of children. My sister said to me when I had the hysterectomy, "I'll share my kids with you." I thought that was sweet.

You're right, I don't see a positive that has come out of my experience, except that maybe my instincts are sharper when it comes to other people in my life. And meeting new people, I seem to recognize red flags if something isn't kosher. My therapist told me once that I am a resilient woman. A survivor. When she said that, I had a hard time with that. I guess I was at a point where I thought, oh, so that means life can deal me shit all of the time? But now I know where she is coming from. And I appreciate your telling me I'm strong. I guess I must be to be still kicking. Thank you so much.

I have found now in the last week, the "rage" and pressure in my head has lessened dramatically. I believe that has to do with a few things. One, discontinuing one of the meds I was one. Two, doing crafts and working out at the fitness center. And, three, talking with you. If people only knew how much it helps to be able to talk to others who have PTSD; how helpful it is relating and sharing personal experience. Usually on Saturdays I'm crashed in my recliner, very exhausted, no energy, and somewhat depressed. Today, I went to work out. I ran some errands. I started my laundry. Had a cup of coffee with my mother (MY MOTHER! who I rarely can relate anything to). And talked to my sister for awhile. Now that is a positive for me.

The therapist I will be doing the assessment for EMDR with is trained and licensed. I did a little research on my own, and also discussed it with my insurance company. So, I feel comfortable that she knows her stuff. I am sure she will not let too much come too fast for me. That would be stupid. I need to be able to function. And I have to keep my job. I know sometimes I worry that I won't be able to hold a job should things get worse. But, there's nothing I can do now. If it happens, I'll deal with it at that time.

I am glad to see there are others who have begun posting. Hope that continues. I think we could all learn from other's experiences. And, yes, even though all have PTSD, and have many of the same symptoms; the experiences are different. Doesn't mean one is worse than another. We all experience trauma, horror, etc.

I am so glad you started this forum. I hope it grows, and I hand it to you for wanting to help others while at the same time working on yourself in your journey.

I will talk to you again. And thank you again, Anthony!

Evelyn

Thank you for the information. I missed it at first, then saw it after replying to Anthony's note.

The information you gave was helpful. The story of the dentist gives me a better picture of what the EMDR will do. And as far as the therapist I will be doing the EMDR with, as I told Anthony, I have done some checking and research, and that therapist has been trained and is licensed in EMDR. Believe me, if I feel any red flags, I will seek out someone else.

The therapist I have been seeing now has been using cognitive/behavioral methods, I guess. She has helped a great deal in helping me to stay functioning on a daily basis, and to keep my present job. I am a supervisor (I actually run the home) for seven staff; and I basically keep the home going and oversee the cares for four adult males with developmental disabilities. It is somewhat of a challenging job; but it is also very rewarding. I just need to take a day at a time with my job. Right now I'm in a very sensitive place with my boss. We haven't seen eye to eye on issues concerning the behavior programs of the clients at times. A few months ago, I was suspended for three days. Luckily, my boss decided to bring me back reminding of all the "good" things I have done at the home. So I guess at this time I am trying to prove myself all over again.

I have been in therapy for quite awhile. In 1983 I was hospitalized for two and a half months with acute depression. Then within the next six months was hospitalized for 1 or 2 weeks at a time, three more times. I was in a very "sick" relationship with my ex. Being a cop in a small town . . . well, I found it very difficult to talk to anyone. He was very controlling; and sexually and psychologically abusive as well. We divorced in 1989.

I have ongoing bouts with depression. I have an anxiety/panic disorder; and in 1999 was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This is what I am seeing my present therapist for. I am on antidepressants and antianxiolytic meds. I also had fibromyalgia for 2 1/2 years, but went through biofeedback for one year, and have not had any trouble with fibromyalgia since.

As long as I am on a roll of my negative life story . . . I was molested by neighbors at age 5 and 7; incest by grandfather throughout childhood; and was raped at age 15 by my girlfriend's boyfriend. I had blocked that incident out for 8 years until I was hospitalized.

I was just thinking . . . all of this probably sounds like my life has been just horrible every day. Actually, I have wonderful relatives; my brother and I are very close and competitive (we challenge each other in life); I have a sister who is there if I need her; and she shares her kids with me. I have had good jobs, good bosses. In school and college my instructors were always kind and caring. Right now I have a dog who I spoil and spoil; and in turn I receive her unconditional love. I have a job I love. In the past couple of years I just haven't been able to figure out why I have felt so "crazy." Since being diagnosed with PTSD this summer, at least I have answers/reasons as to the craziness/symptoms I have been experiencing. After the trauma with the therapist, I would not sleep in my bed for five years. I always had severe nightmares. I also had an eating disorder whereby I would get up, go to the kitchen get tons of food and eat 3 to 4 times a night while I slept. That, I no longer do. I did finally start sleeping in my bed for awhile; but at this time, I am now sleeping in my den in my recliner. It takes me about two hours after work in front of the TV to get sleepy. I fall asleep, but then wake up 4 to 5 times a night. While I am sleeping, I am aware I am sleeping, so I guess I'm not getting the rest I need. On a daily basis, I have thought intrusion regarding the trauma with the therapist.

So, yes, I am very much looking forward to the EMDR. But I will be alert to making sure the therapist knows what she is doing, and explains everything to me before I do it.

Gosh, have I gone on and on . . . Thank you again, Evelyn, for the information. I am open to any information that is out there regarding PTSD.

If you have any questions, just let me know.

Kerri-Ann: Yes, Anthony and I have done quite a bit of talking. And I hope it has helped Anthony as much as it has helped me.

My cat, Socrates, was given to someone because my mother advertised him in the newspaper without my knowledge. (Thanks, mom) I do miss him dearly. But some day I will again have another cat. I'd have 20 of them if I could get away with it!

Kay Dee

Hey Kay... I think its alright if we talk and talk on here, as even Kerrie-Ann doesn't mind me doing that, as she knows it a positive thing for me. Well, you answered exactly what it was about creating this place for me already, in that just chatting with others who have PTSD, it helps. I knew this from before I had PTSD, as previously explained through talking to those who were their with me, and then the course had the same result. Even though we where all nervous at first, once we opened our mouths, we all just clicked, and got along like a house on fire. This was all too much of a coincidence for me, thus creating this place which I was sure would have the same effect. No more coincidence... point proven, which is fantastic.

I know we can all help each other. Evelyn is a great counsellor, and soon to be qualified social worker also, and has helped me a great deal during the course. Actually, she helped everyone on the course quite significantly, without probably realising it. Just her being in each lesson and project, had shown her ability as a professional, but more she became one of the group. She was the extra member...

My wifes just going, "she gave away the cat!"... that she can't get over. Kerrie-Ann is a vivid animal lover, and couldn't give an animal away... nor take someone else giving it away. I don't think she's impressed with your mum giving it away either... just quietly!!! Socrates, that is a cool name for a cat...

And you just answered your own thoughts... well done:

I do exactly the same, expecially when thoughts of suicide and things come across my brain. If I let them take over, then I wouldn't be here talking to you, and everyone else, so I choose not to let them, and fight them just as you are. I find the positives immediately, being my wife, and children. I couldn't leave them alone, not by choice anyway.

By the sounds of it, your really doing well getting it all out, and leaving the past as memories, and not all trauma. Well done Kay Dee. Hopefully within a couple of months, your down days will be even less and less, as mine are nowadays (thank god).

I thought you might like the pics. Pictures always cheer people up... especially cute ones. My life revolves around that little fella, which is good for me at this point. I intend to grow as he grows, and I guess, we'll both be discovering new emotions along the way. I wouldn't even have the emotional feelings I do now (how limited and small they are at present), if it wasn't for my little fella being born. Having him as also brought me closer to my older son as a consequence, as my emotions build again, I am gaining closer to Logan, my 14 yr old, as I had pushed him aside emotionally due to PTSD. I realise that now, and am fixing that problem also.

You are great Kay... a definate fighter, and very strong person. It sucks that one has to go through these type of things, to make oneself the person they are, or aim to be.

Kay,

I have just read my husbands last post, just to put your mind at ease.........talk away. I am just glad that he is talking to someone and if that helps you both, bonus. As you would understand, better than I am ever likely to, those with PTSD do not like to share their traumas with those close to them. At least not in any great detail. That is fine as long as you can find someone to confide in. Something about sharing burdens and halving them.

Anyhow, back to the cat, excuse my bluntness but I think giving away your cat is mean. I love my pussies too much, it would not be pretty if someone came between me and my cats. In fact I have been known to cry at the mention of my cats when I am away from them. Anthony is right, I am an animal lover, which comes from growing up on a property (kind of like a farm) and having the responsibility of all kinds of animals at a young age. I have a theory that if you learn to love the little creatures then it allows you to develop emotional skills to love the bigger ones. Besides that, animals are such loving creatures, how could you not love them in return? Anyhow, I have hijacked enough space here, take care.

Anthony

Again, nice to hear from you. Practice ---I have learned over time that when thoughts/emotions get real heavy, I try to start to think of positives. I used to lose my grip and my mind would sink and sink, and I'd be in great emotional trouble (suicide attempts/suicidal thinking). Now even though I may have suicidal thoughts at times; that is all they are - thoughts. I allow them to come and pass, and put something else in my messed up head. With EMDR, it will be a challenge to allow the memories of the days with that therapist through.

I learned at any early age to turn on and off like a switch. Numb myself when needed. At one point in my life I was able to turn physical pain on and off. Where I run into problems is when the bad stuff starts to "fester" like a boil. Then I run into emotional/mental/physical problems which I cannot control. But I am learning slowly; and I believe the EMDR will speed up that process. My assessment is this coming Friday. The closer it gets, I guess I feel somewhat apprehensive. But I suppose that is normal.

I am glad you have your children and wife to keep you going. I like to believe the strongest feeling is love. Love for those close to us. I hope everything works out with your 14-year-old.

Know what? I worked midnights last night and haven't had much sleep (couple hours), so I'm going to go try again. Take care, and talk you again.

Kerri-Ann

I also grew up on a lot of land and we had lots of animals --- dogs, cats, and horses too. My mother did not like my cat, that is why she got rid of him. I had had him for 8 years. My mother doesn't understand the bond I have with animals. Simply because she cannot bond with anything.

I love the pictures of your kitties! Very darling. The unconditional love from animals cannot even be measured. It's wonderful!

Good night.