Hi Kay,
Yes I'm still alive. I'm sorry I haven't replied. This is the hardest time for most uni students in the exam period and I still have a lot of work to do so I have been delaying my emails for a while. In regards to the topic of shock, I think Anthony hit it right on the head. I have felt the same responses when I have been in shock (minus PTSD so it may be a little different for me) but then again, I am not an expert on shock. I imagine a shock response would be different for every person but Kay I wouldn't be too worried about it.

You mentioned a while ago about looking for a new therapist for EMDR. How is that going for you? It must feel frustrating anticipating 'psycho-surgery'. When I hear of the many ways trauma can occur in addition to the symptoms of PTSD I would be pretty eager to work out what was happening to me and what I could do to help myself. Our bodies respond to many things in its natural way. I like to think about things like that but some times I tire myself out and actually make myself worse by worrying about things that don't need to be worried about.

Perhaps the most important thing for me to remember in life is that there is always hope and it is usually under the rock we didn't see the first time or we may need a combination of rocks to help us. Although I am studying I remind myself everyday to take time out for relaxation or things I enjoy doing. Things like meditation or just concentrate on breathing. This helps to reduce our stress levels and our anxiety and God knows we need that every now and then. Even spending time with nature or something you find good. Everyday our world could spin out of control but I truly believe we can choose to be mindful and respond to things by focusing on the positive outcomes and lessons. It really can make a difference particularly when we are going through our darkest journeys. There is a light at the end of the tunnel so keep walking one step at a time. Take care and I'll talk with you soon.

Hey Evelyn, about time you got around. Just kidding... you know me. I will come out and see you this week... have a coffee with you. You nail those exams...

Evelyn:

Hi! Sure sounds like you've been busy. I remember going to college full-time and working full-time; and end of semesters. Whew!

I was having a difficult time finding a therapist where there wasn't a conflict of interest regarding that therapist I saw for five years. I did find a therapist who has her Level I training in EMDR, and right now is going for Level II. She believes I need someone who has the Level II training since she says my case is complicated due to the long-term relationship I had with that therapist. This therapist will be done with her training sometime in December. The therapist I see right now knows her; and highly recommends I see her for the EMDR when she is done with her training. So, I wait.

You are so right about taking a day at a time and being mindful each day. Of course, it is easier said that done. But practicing this brings positive results, even if uncomfortable.

Good to hear from you again. Good luck to you.

Kay

So how you doing Kay? Getting ready for Christmas? I hope your doing really well, and trying to keep the stress down. I haven't been all that successful at that presently, though trying. I'm really looking forward to hearing about your EMDR experience, and how it helps you from where you are now, to where you want to be again.

Hey Anthony:

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. I guess, like you, not doing so hot. Nancy, my therapist, was questioning whether I should go in the hospital for awhile last week. Don't think I'm quite that bad. But we talked quite a bit about "feelings". In journaling, she'd like me to focus just on what I'm feeling day to day. I've been going through my days on "auto" - doing, doing, doing, but not really feeling. And the depression is increasing. Must be the time of year. Usually I do pretty good this time of year. My bad month is usually January.

And have been going to the casino. Stupid. Stupid when I know it makes me feel worse. Instead of drinking or doing drugs, I go to the casino. Went today and blew a mess of money. Feeling pretty low. I can't afford to do that.

Took some extra medication tonight for extreme anxiety. Guess I'll sleep pretty good tonight.

Had Thanksgiving here with all family yesterday. It was like trying to "be a part of", but feeling so far away. Better get a handle on myself.

I told Nancy one of the things that keeps coming to mind is I see a blank future. That's why I try to stick with each day and not look ahead.

Sorry to lay this all on you. It sounds like you're going through a tough time also. Like you said before, you just have to kind of wait it out, and hope and make the next day better.

Been on an emotional roller coaster lately. Laughing one minute; crying the next; angry the next . . . Makes me want to scream.

I'm getting a little drowsy right now, so I think I'll turn on the tube and watch a movie. (With my dog, of course)

Talk you again.

Kay

Hey Kay... don't be silly, thats what this place is for, so we can all vent a little, MAYBE feel a little better doing so, but mainly, have each other to chat with. Yep, must off just been the week for it hey? I know what your saying about the "be a part of", but I gave that up long ago. People who know me, know I'm not that well anymore, so they either live with it, or just don't be a friend at all. Lost a few, but found out the few true friends I have. I think we will all do ok, as atleast we are talking about things, seeing professionals to talk with and so forth. I have mates who don't take their medication, refuse to get help what so ever, don't see any professionals to talk, drink till they pass out, drugs, etc etc... and they've been this way for years now, and just refuse to get the help they need. They know they have PTSD, but they deny that it affects them day to day... probably cause they don't know what day it is. Troy (member here, herbster) goes and see's a mate of ours, Racka's, and pulls his hair out, as he is a prime victim of the above. Troy gets phone calls to come round as he's about to kill himself, but never does it. So he wants attention, wants help, but won't go that extra step to get it.

I think everyone here is doing ok to just be here... as I know before I did the PTSD course here, there is no way in hell would I talk about my issues, let alone be able to listen to anothers. Your doing ok Kay... were all still going to have bad days, bad weeks, but its that we cope, seek help, and come out of those days and weeks still in one peace that sets us apart.

You don't need to get a handle on yourself at all, you already have it, the fact is, is that things just don't happen the way they used too, and that I accept now. I refuse to just lay down and take it, but I know / still learning my limitations on a daily basis. Its ok, your being perfectly normal for someone with PTSD.

Anthony:

Thanks for reminding me where I am, Ha! Ha! In the throws of PTSD. Doing better today. Saturday slept quite a bit. The most I've slept in a long time. Guess I needed it. Sunday went to work out, and then went out for coffee with a friend. Did some crafts yesterday too.

It's the pits - - - we can accept that we have PTSD; and even though we can have awful times yet still accept it; others cannot. I think my mother thinks I should just "snap out of it" and "be normal". Sometimes I get so confused around here 'cause I don't know what I'm supposed to be! So I kind of stay to myself and don't say too much.

I hear you about having had friends and finding out who your true friends are. I used to have a group of friends before I was hospitalized. Once I was hospitalized - - - that was it. I was labeled "nuts."
My doctor once told me that it was the people who don't seek help for their problems who are nuts. I now have two friends. I stay away from crowds, and groups of people if possible. Too overwhelming.

I'm so tired of hearing my mother say, "I'll be happy when you . . ." (Fill in the blank) Because I'm not the same day in and day out, there's something wrong.

Week is starting out a little better. I think with the seasons changing, the holidays, etc., I'm just not prepared this year.

Yes, I am so glad to be able to just talk on this forum with you and others who understand. PTSD is somewhat unpredictable isn't it?

Kay

I hear the same things too Kay. For years I used to let it get me down, and even now it does sometimes. Eventually I started retaliating with "snap out of it? geee... I hadn't thought of that, let me give it a try & see if your method works better than anyone elses!"

As far as being "normal", it's normal to have side affects with any sickness, the fact that we recognize the illness and those side affects makes us more normal than those that live in denial. So never think your not normal. The next time they have a runny nose or coughing, tell them to stop it, because it just not normal.

So the next time you get told to 'snap out of it' or 'be normal'.... offer them a tissue ;)

Yep, or a can of good old toughen up, and tell them to live with it. I don't offer those I associate with a reason to stay and help, I just associate with them, and if they don't like it, then they can find other people to chat with and be friends with. I except people I like the way the are, so I only expect the same in return. If anyone told me to "snap out of it" or any bullshit like that, I would probably thump them there and then on the spot.

When people have been through what we all have here, and experienced what each of us goes through on a daily basis, then they can have the right to tell me otherwise, but until then, they can get stuffed if they don't like me the way I am. You have to be tough I guess with yourself, as Camry pointed out. Having PTSD doesn't actually make you nuts, my doctors have clarified that for me. As Camry said, those not seeking help are nuts, as they are the ones more likely to do something to themselves or another as they are not being treated for the problem.

My wife called me nuts when we had arguements, and she doesn't do that anymore, as I have just about torn her head off for saying that sort of thing to me. She understands me more than most now, so its not to much of an issue for me. I still have mates in the military ask me if I went nuts... which I reply, "pissoff and get a life", and walk off. My family is quite supportive, in that they know I have the problem and issues associated with my service, but they don't question me when I'm not feeling good or cancel something at the last minute because of my mood.

If your mother is giving you such a hard time, maybe she needs to come and read some of the stuff on this forum, to get a reality check of the real problems faced by us all. What others think isn't giving a hard time, is completely different to us, as we no longer have a full cup to fill with daily stress, we start around the 3/4 mark, so we overflow real quick, with minimal stressors around us, thus we explode. This is what others around us need to know, and realise, it is fact, not just a myth or that where nuts, as such.

Get you mum on here and have her talk to my wife. She will help her out to understand the real issues of PTSD. Partners and family are more often confused about what is going on with us, as its impossible for them to actually know what is going on inside us day to day. The sooner they understand, the sooner family life and your own life becomes a little easier to live with day to day.

As we discussed in the moods around us thread, these surrounding moods really do impact on us, whether you know it or not. Our minds are generally racing faster than most, whether we know it or not. I think you really need to get your mum and any other family on here, read what is posted already, and even have a chat in the spouse / family support area with others spouses / family members, so they can all learn together, and make our lives easier, which in turn makes their lives easier.

Hi Anthony:

(I'm going to try this again) Cleaned up my system last week; I got tossed out again.

Anyway - - - Even though sometimes I'm insecure when it comes to interacting with others, I like your way of thinking - - - if they can't handle the way I am, or if I'm having a bad day - - - screw them. I'll try to get my mom on here, but it may take a while. Since that experience with the therapist, she trusts no one when it comes to discussing psychological issues. I'll work on it.

Almost got fired again Tuesday. A co-worker told my boss a bunch of bull (made up and stretched the truth). My boss told me if he finds out any of it is true, I will not be working with the company anymore. He seems to be looking for anything to get me on anyway.

Thank goodness there a few employees who believe I am a good supervisor and accept me for who I am. And they know how much the clients mean to me. My boss had set up a meeting for Monday morning to "get to the bottom of everything." So I'm not out of the woods yet. So I've been walking on eggshells. I've been in one mood the last couple of days - - - ANGRY. Why do people do these things? What is their problem?

Right after the meeting Monday morning, I see my doctor. At least I'll be able to talk to him about it.

It' so true. If people can't accept others - faults, moods and all - they not worth having for friends. I am thankful I have a co-worker who knows what I have been through, and knows I have my days. She accepts it and gives me space. She also has issues with her children. I give her space. We work together very nicely.

I need to get to bed - big day tomorrow. And it's Friday! Yay!

Thank you for your reassurance and understanding, Anthony. You're a true friend.

Kay