After going through a very difficult few weeks, (It's what drove me here) My husband is a "new man". Last night he was all happy and then trying to be romantic. I was thinking "Oh, HELL NO"

I was just trying to fall asleep and be left alone. He was cuddling and acting like nothing has happened at all. (This man who had a panic attack on the phone with me a day earlier)

Today he has his list, is checking it twice and seems to be on top of his game. He's social on the phone - not dead silence on the line. Things are all milk and honey - and i'm tickled that they are - but then I think - oh shit no - I can't just be all gooey when yesterday was hell and tomorrow probably will be too - judging by the last couple of months. I'm just not into the romance thing. I am hurt and raw from the drama lately.

Then - because it's all a little too surreal - I snap to: "Have you been out of pot over the last few days?" He laughs and says, "Well - yes, but it's all taken care of now (he scored)." "But thats not why I am having a good day - I just enjoyed cuddling with you last night....it was therapeutic..."

Yeah right.

See the addictitive behavior is cunning and baffling they say. Now I know why they want him clean before tackling inpatient PTSD treatment. I think I need to go to Alanon or Naranon.

Is anyone else here dealing with a spouse who is self medicating?

All sufferers self medicate when PTSD is uncontrolled, whether it be workaholism, pot, over the counter medications (pain relief), alcohol, the list goes on and on. Yes, a person must remove addictive habits before entering the serious side of treatment, because if a person can't cope without addiction, they won't cope with treatment. Its a tell tail sign before the event, ie. this person will not do well because they will increase self medication to try and suppress, instead of allow their body to feel.

K, I think your head is screwed on about correctly at present. Yes, he is in a high at the moment, but we both know he will fall down and become nasty again within a day or two. Why? Because his trauma is still inside, it hasn't gone anywhere, and will flare symptoms again soon enough.

This is about a sufferer making a decision, exist the way they are, lose the remainder of their life, or go through some extreme short term pain to face their demons, their past, pull themselves inside out, and heal, for the remainder of their lives to be pretty much stress free. A person will never be the "old them" after healing PTSD, often a much more improved version actually, and often more emotional enept, as a person generally would never have to look or learn so much about themselves emotionally without something like PTSD being present.

My wife gave me a choice to get cracking with it all... get help or get lost.

Oh, some like to call it "The calm before the storm."

Welcome to the rollercoaster. I am glad to hear that hubs is on an upswing-they seem to come too infrequently. I am able to post right now because I'm not making lunch-veiled is!! a very unusual event. It seems that there is a day or two of clarity followed by two to seven days of crashing. Just enough to keep up hope for continuing recovery and progress.
hopefully with the increase in frequency of his meetings he will continue to improve.
keep in mind that he does not enjoy the rollercoaster any more than you do.
i can identify with your frustration-i live with it every day as well.

Are yes JL, but there is a much greater difference in veiled now compared to six months ago. It will only continue getting better. She will never be the person she once was, more improved is the idea, and little to no daily anxiety issues is the aim. It is very important for spouses to move with sufferers, otherwise spouses tend to linger in the past, expecting a person that no longer exists and often only holds a sufferer back from moving forward to symptom free. It is a joint effort, ups and downs included.

Yes KG take the good days while you can it is certainly a roller coaster of emotions for us as well.

And the crashed happened yesterday, but it only seemed to last a day, will see what happens today, I don't feel like it will be bad, I am out of the bed and not in a state of panic. Yes, JL will have to agree even if not fully functional I am a lot different than I was 6 or 7 months ago. Clinging to my bed, refusing to leave my home without force all the time, and always zoned out if I was not in full blown panic hollering I was dying ;)

I know I still have self medicating moments. My doc has me prescribed 3 mg xanax a day. She calls it self medicating as I will not take as much as she wants, a whole mg 3x a day, instead I take 1/4 mg 3x a day. I will bump it closer to her dose and take a whole mg at once if I cannot get my bearings, but it isn't often it gets like that anymore, and when I mean bearings I am trying to avoid a potential hospital trip.

And the rollercoaster keeps on rolling along. Hubby had been crook all last week IBS not getting out of bed. I ran the business myself. Starting to think I may get someone in to do the one day a week that he is supposed to do so I can have a break.I just cant rely on him to be able to go to work that one day. All these thoughts going through my head.
Well he was feeling better today and has gone in to do his day at work he even got out of bed before the alarm we even sat and had a cuppa together. This is good but I know I cant get to excited about one good day because it will not be ongoing I have learnt that!:dont-know
Jen

Jen-but hopefully, with time and treatment, he will be able to stack more good days together.

Hi JL I am hoping a couple of good days can be stacked together as well.
It wears a bit thin after a while sometimes.
How are things going with you? I see the snow is a bit of an issue
Jen