Nothing for me to say here then...

Ugh, my eyeballs are not even open yet. had horrid trigger late last night.. severe hypervigilance and anxiety.. had to take an aitvan.. Was joking aroun with bat about her cousin (no this is not your fault bat.. ) went to bed.. and it dawned on me.. they could know my x.. what if they mentioned me? what if he found out i'm talking? omg.. I know it's unreasonable.. but that freaked the shit outta me.. I'm afraid of even having someone figure out who he is, in case he finds out that I've been talking! Good lord..

Anthony.. you and I get to :boxem:. HEHE

bec

I just wanted to add.. that is why military anything freaks me out.. the good ol boys club.. if i went near a base.. how do I know they won't go "hey, guess who is around?" I do I know that they are buddies with him or not? he used to threaten me with his freinds.. really i see all canadian military as a threat becuse of that.. that is a huge trigger.. last night was unbelievable. but i figured this out.. so this is good

bec

Can u get rentals dvd's or the mail order thing Netflicks or something like it for the movie you wanted?
take care hugs

d

Sorry ittriggered you bec... I was teasing you about it toomuch probably. As far as Brian or my uncle knowing your ex, it's possible, anythign's possible, but you have to remember there's close to 100,000 people serving in the canadian armed forces, that's a lot , and so it's not a huge chance... there's more of a chance your ex would know my uncle, as my uncle has been a base commander, so he's well known generally, but that doesn't mean he remembers or cares about your ex, that I doubt. AndBrian is an MP, he deals with domestic violence casesin his work and he thinks the men who do that sort of thing are the scum of the earth. Ditto on that with my uncle. So even if they had been buddies with him previously (slim chance) they would not be now, knowingwhat he's done. Seriously i know them, they wouldn't stick up for him.

Look at what happened with Brianand Greg the other day... i think you read that Greg tried to get me to smoke a reefer, andput his arm around me, etc, well Greg is Brian's best friend, and he was ready to deckhim. So... he really wouldn't stick up for your ex, who has done way worse to you.

Not tomention, i don't even know your real name bec, or your ex's name, so there's no way to figure out who you are or whatever, don't worry.

Actually i have a kind of trigger, in a different kind of way though. I often stress that military people i meet will have known my father and will have heard about what he did to my family, and be talking about me and thiking i'm crazy. In the short time i've been reunited with my relatives, I have met a few military personnel from outside the family, said my full name to them, and they haven't even blinked. So that was quite a revelation to me... that life goes on and the rest of the military community is not thinking about my dad or has even heard about what he did.

Anyways I know having a trigger ishard, probably what i saiddidn't help at all. I'm glad you are dealing with it. If you want brian to comment on this I'll tell him to, just let me know. Really, not all military men are bad, but i understand you feeling that way. I get frightened by my family members anytime they are angry... and i am slightly afraid of all the guys on the forum here who are military, even though I like them . so you're not alone in feeling thatway.

Sorry abvout the typos, I'm sort of out of it. Take care bec.

Again Bat, being triggered is good because it forces me to work through it and I'm discovering what the real issues are.. that is a good thing..

Lol, you know what is funny? I forgot I have a cousin in the military, last I heard of him he was in Moose Jaw (and man did he hate it there LOL.) He's a medic.. strange that that little fact slipped my mind..

and yes this all helps bat.. every second of it. never say sorry to me for triggers or worry about if your helping.. because you are helping and I refuse sorry's for triggers.. LOL

bec

Hey Bec,
Was in the military here and think I am mostly a good guy. I do know that there was a transition time for me when first getting out, where I had to convince myself, that I could do more things then just killing people in a war sense. I am glad I was in the military it taught me how to fight and defend myself, and I know now that I would never allow a person to hurt me again.
I hope your triggers ease a bit, will be thinking about you.
Shane

Hi Bec,

Not a military guy...but military just the same...just now former. I married a military guy who is one of the kindest, most gentle people I've ever met. He'd cut off his hand before he raised it in anger against someone weaker than him. I remember he would get into fights sometimes in bars (we were stationed in Germany) when guys were pushing their girlfriends/wives around to defend the women. He's one of the few men I've met in my life that I felt instantely safe with. (Big one for me!)

That said...there were guys I knew while in the army who were the scum of the earth. Unfortunately I dated one of them. There was a lot of emotional abuse and it was the physical abuse (one time) that woke me up to what I was putting up with.

The military is like any group of people on the face of the earth...there's good and bad. There's some that will give you the shirt off their back to help and some that will take advantage of any situation they can.

Hope this helps.

I'm not going to lie to you bec, I see a fair bit of domestic abuse in my work as an MP. There are a lot of pricks in the Canadian military and the rate of domestic violence incidents reported is at least double that of the civilian population. Now that might be due to a higher rate of reporting, not sure on the validity of those statistics. I do know however that our military fosters a culture of toughness that ostracizes those who speak up about personal problems, whether it be domestic problems, substance abuse, PTSD, what have you. That is only just beginning to change, with the recent government implementation and the formation of the military family resource centres and PTSD treatment centres.

Men who abuse women and children are the worst kind of scum IMO and they unfortunately exist in every facet of society, military or civilian. I don't believe the military makes these men violent offenders. These pricks start out that way and are more likely to join the military as the power, the violence that is inherent in the military culture gives them their jollies... similar to pedophiles being attracted to the priesthood.

That being said, there are many of us who are good guys too, and would never hurt a woman or a child. I know anything military is a trigger for you, but if you can in future, you may want to visit a military family resource centre, to discuss these issues. That's what they're for. They may even be online.

I will alert my dad to your thread as well, as domestic violence in the military is a pet interest of his. He's been a base commander and may be able to add something useful.

Cheers, Brian

Thanks guys.. god my brain is scrambled when it comes to this.. I often wondered if he wasn't drawn to it because of the "free to kill" kinda thing..

I was talking to bat (i think) and started to talk a little about some of the things that had happened.. My son being tortured by him. Just those words, bring back horrid memories... being lifted out of the way and thrown across the house when i tried to stop him from hurting matt, or try to give matt enough time to hide.. god.. one spanking he gave him.. i still don't want to remember.. i also have a lot of guilt.. i should have left the first time he touched my son.. then i told myself it wasn't as bad since i took most of the hits.. then i found out what he was doing while i was at work.. I'm used to being beat (okay that just sounded pathetic) and i probably would have stayed if it wasn't for matt.. but hurting my son.. that made me wake up ... now i will never put up with that again..

I can't talk about this anymore..

bec

K, coping this last post to a more appropriate area for me to discuss. LOL that little nugget of info was painful.

bec