Yeah, I don't like crowds myself, but I've learned how to do public speaking! (Just gave a lecture the other day!) I've given training sessions to fellow employee's with over 20 people present! I have panic attacks the entire time, but too bad, I do it anyways.

I HATE shopping!! I refuse to shop unless I'm in a good mood and even then I run in and out!! Just considering going to a store makes me b*tchy!!

I detest having people in my home!! I have three people I'm comfortable with here, My dad, step-mom, and partner (I don't count my kids, they live here.) I have trouble with Matt having freinds over and have to talk myself into it!! It's never a bad thing but for some reason I just buck it first time around.

Work(right now) isn't too bad. I work the shift alone and I like that. The tenants (clients whatever) I work with are great. Mind you, I work with vunerable populations too, so they are just different. They don't judge people!

School? Problem solved. I'm taking distence ed. and do everything at home. I don't have to deal with anyone.

Bars? Forget it. My drinking days are long gone (I'm allergic to alcohol) and can't handle drunk people unless I'm drunk myself.

I will go for coffee sometimes, but only if it's quiet or my parents are around.

I visit at two freinds home and not very often.

I am the eptimey of anti-social.

Bec

interesting question ? a bit obscure..do you mean how i function in society or how i view society. i wuld say that what first sprang to mind for me is that because of PTSD my life has been geared towards making society better. i got into midwifery through ptsd . maybe i am interpreting 'function' as purpose i.e. the life purpose rather than how well i cope (how well i function0 . If it is a question asking if PTSD effects my functioning when i am out in th ewider world then the answer for anyone with ptsd has to be yes and it is not something i leave at home when i go out!!

Yes Tania, your last sentence is the correct interpretation of the question.

My way of dealing with society and the outside world is avoid, avoid, avoid... I have a fear of meeting and interacting with people, and it's reflected in my actions. I have it down to a science actually. Some examples:

My landlady is a friendly person who likes to say "hello" if I am coming or going from the house. So, I get up extra early in the morning, like at 6 am, so I can leave the house before she and the other tenants are awake and might speak to me. When I come home, I walk down the backlane rather than in the front so I can sneak in and no one sees me. Sometimes I feel like saying hello, but it's rare.

I only shop for groceries at the times I know that the stores will be relatively empty. I never go to the fast checkout lines, even if I have only a few items, because being rushed really freaks me out. I also hate it if someone in line is too close behind me. It actually makes me angry and I have to control myself, because I often want to tell the person off. Sometimes I even feel like punching them. So the fewer people in the store, the better.

I also don't like people walking close behind me on the street, or people walking ahead of me on the street for that matter. It sounds so crazy. But I tend to pick streets that are quieter, and if someone is close behind me I will start running to increase the distance between us. Or if they are close in front of me, I will stop and wait for them to get far ahead. I feel freaked out and angry when someone is too close to me.

At the gym, I avoid eye contact and pick the machine that is furthest away from everyone else. On the bus, same thing... I pick a seat as far away from other people as I can. At the movie theatre, if I'm alone, I sit in the aisle seat (so I can leave if I want to) and I take 2 jackets with me, and place one in the seat in front of me, and one in the seat behind me, until the movie starts. That way I can keep people from sitting behind or in front of me. Obviously I don't do this in a packed movie theatre. I only go to the movies during the day when I know there won't be many people around.

Anyways I'm starting to sound like a nut, so I'll shut up for now.

Far from it batgirl, far from it. All your showing are the typical lesser signs of OCD that come with PTSD as a result of Agoraphobia. Your not actually OCD, because as you lessen your trauma, your symptoms will lessen, and as you commence exposure therapy to the world again, the OCD elements that partially exist will be no more. This is why is bermuses me at times when a therapist / physician get ahead of themselves with labelling, and give a PTSD sufferer an OCD label, when in fact their not OCD at all, they just display traits of it because of other reasons.

Oh really, OCD? I never thought of that. Actually I don't know much about it. I always thought it was where you had to check things over and over, or wash your hands a lot. I didn't realize it could also be a fear of people.

The weirdest part for me though is, I can "turn off" my avoidance of people, at least for a couple of hours, if I really have to. For example, my doctor sent me to a therapist recently, and I didn't want this particular therapist, but my doctor insisted I see her at least once before I got referred elsewhere. Sooo... I went to the appointment, got dressed up nice (usually I'm pretty slobby) and acted completely normal, friendly, made great eye contact, like everything was fine, etc. The therapist was fooled and wrote back to my doctor saying I didn't need therapy. I got what I wanted, but afterwards I crashed, totally exhausted, and had to hide at home for a couple of days.

Anyways yeah I guess I should start doing some exposure therapy relating to people. I did do some of that with my old therapist, so I know about making hierarchy lists, the SUDS levels and so on. Lately it just seems like SO MUCH though, so I'm not sure where to start. I guess I could say hello to my landlady once in a while...

Oh yeah...absolutely. I used to be fun and the life of the party...but now I'm just silent most of the time...I hardly have any self-confidence...Often I feel like there's no point in getting close to people because I feel that either they'll leave or I'll leave or they'll betray me...and then other times I just don't care...I don't have the energy to go out with friends...or if I do...often it's just going through the motions...

Even at school...it's keeping me from being the best that I can be...I never participate in class discussions anymore...A couple of years ago we had a tutorial and the prof asked me a question and I just couldnot focus for long enough to answer it and it wasn't anything really difficult...it wa sso embarrassing...I don't even talk to the profs unless I absolutely have to...and even then I just want to get out of there as soon as possible...I wouldn't be surprised if they all thought that I'm an idiot and wonder how I ever got into university...

PTSD totally dictates how my life is run, and therefore the way I operate in society. It dictates if I can go out, when, where, how much I drink, what I wear, who i go with. It dictates when I go out generally, what I talk about, if I talk. It dictates the friendships I make, the distance I keep, the secrets I keep. It dictates if I work, where I work, the types of jobs I can withstand or not. It dictates personal relationships, I don't have relationships or boyfriends. I don't consider myself a part of society, let alone operating in it... I lead a double life.

I can relate in so many ways to the previous posts here. I struggle back and forth with how PTSD has changed me for the better and worse. Its a struggle unto itself. That said, I do miss my former self before the bad stuff. I miss being able to bounce back from a bad day or stress. I miss being able to trust or forgive others. I miss having energy even just the mental energy but I'd take back the pysical energy anyday. I miss being optimistic. People could count on me for it. I'm ashamed I'm not anymore. Being so, helped me and others such as at my job. I was the one people said, "Gee, I always feel better after talking to you", because I was a listener not a talker. I miss being confident enough to step in the middle of an argument and direct it in a more reassuring direction. They'd stop arguing even if they didn't come to an agreement. I was the sober driver home after a night out and always, always, the one to lean on. Not so now. Wish I could get that from someone. I need it.

Not sure how I missed this poll.

I read all of the other posts and thought about it and I can't think of one aspect of my life that hasn't been touched by PTSD. Family, friends, work, past-times/hobbies, shopping (even when I want to go!), trusting people, meeting new people...OMG the list could go on.

I never thought before about it affecting my life as a whole. Wow...real eye opener here.

Lisa