Have to hide in the house most of the timeso my symptoms aren't activated. When my symptoms are activated it can be 2+weeks before I will venture out again. Scared that someone will use the mental health laws to have me committed so I'm extremely conscious of what I do while in public.

No Twitch Tabatha Listed every thing that I have and experience. This PTSD does not affect my socialization, bc I don't socialize. I have no one in my life but My Mother and she is 83. I am terrified of people and can not function in social settings. If forced into a social setting I never open my mouth, it might draw attention to me and that, well, then I walk out and go home. Which by the way, I must drive. Take my own car. That way I have a way to escape. If I ride with someone I feel trapped. I just won't do it that's all

yes abso'f-n'lutely

I can totally relate with everything quoted! I often feel like I live a double life.

The life on the inside that I feel it the true me and the life on the outside that is a false representation fulfilling what 'normal' looks like.

Although employed, there are times I am totally unproductive just doing the motions and counting the minutes to return to my cacoon. Relationships outside of work - zilch pretty much. All relationships are shallow and non-invasive into me and who I am. Betrayel is my worst fear. Intimacy - I need a manual for Dummies ... It's a wonder I even participate sometimes in life. Some times I just don't care, it doesn't seem worth it.

Tabitha- I got emotional after reading your note. I have been on this site for less than 24 hours and I'm so grateful.
1. I hate crowds. I need to sit near the wall and get a grasp of as many people as possible. Sizing them up for possible danger. Are they all out to get me? No! but one might be, right? Yes, I sound strange.
2. I can be touched but only if I see it comeing so to speak. If someone were to grab my shoulder from behind let's say; and I was not expecting it at all, I just might grab the hand and perform a well exacuted wrist throw. Yes, I did that to a person in a casino who I had not seen in years. I felt so bad at not being able to turn off, yet was glad it only went that far.
3. Dissociation is not my friend. It is an unwelcome guest for me. If something is to much for me I heck out and have no clue what I am doing. In a blink of an eye, while driving, I can be 2.5 hours away and have no idea how I got there.
4. It seems to have happened fast, but what is time anymore. I went from being an officer on the fast track with a family to living alone in an apt. with the blinds drawn.
I could go on but I think you all get the point.

Mindfulness is key.

I hate large crowds. I will get in the store do half my shopping and if it gets crowded i will have to just leave. It feels like all those people are breathing all the air and i am going to suffocate. Partys are not for me.

Loud noises. They make my heart race and my head hurt then i feel terror like something horrible is going to happen. I can't stand loud stereos, rambunxious kids, etc.

Being alone. I'm scared of myself i never know when my emotions will take over my body. I also have abandonment issues.

those are a few things that make lioving difficult for me.

Yes.

I live on a schedule. It is easier for me and my child to cope when there is a regular routine and no deviations or surprises.

I protect my space. I am not as welcoming to visitors and I am easily irritated when I feel they are "getting too comfortable" or when the visit is too long, I am drained.

There is a place for everything. I do not like people moving my things or not returning things back to its original location. I like to know where everything is at all times.

I am hypervigilant. I am constantly checking doors and windows. I am always looking for things that seem off. I do not answer my door if I do not know who it is. I do not answer my phone if I do know know who is calling.

I choose to stay home because it feels safe, everything else is questionable. I would be at home all the time if I didn't have to work and send my children to school.

I have done background checks on people just to feel safe around them.

Being in crowds distresses me, I cannot see danger coming with all of the distractions.
When at a small wedding earlier this year, I just sat back and nervously observed, looking for dysfunctions trying to target potentially dangerous people.

My sex life is non-existant. Most of the time I do not want anyone close to me especially when I am anxious or when regular stress is elevated. I have a live in boyfriend for over a year but we sleep in seperate rooms 80% of the time.

Any kind of physical pain enrages me, most often difficult to control rage. Instinctively, I retaliate.

Definitely yes.

1) I refuse to go certain places which hold a certain triggering significance, including friends' houses. Sometimes the link is quite tenuous but I feel an overwhelming avoidant urge.

2) I panic when people ask questions about my life because I am so ashamed. Lately even a simple "How are you?" has led to a certain level of anxiety. I avoid people who I think will judge me for being neurotic. I don't feel like I can pretend I'm ok anymore.

3) I used to like to socialise. Now I don't do much and like staying home, the only place I feel safe. If I do go out, I go to a movie or something similar where I don't have to talk too much to anyone.

4) If I have bad nightmares, my whole day is affected. I can't talk to anyone. I don't want to see my flatmates.

5) I can't answer phone calls. If someone calls me, I am unprepared for it and can't answer. I have to wait for a message to see what they want so I can then plan to call them back/message them back.

6) I can't have sex.....most of the time.

7) I think people find that I am quite a cold person. I can't connect emotionally. I don't really understand touch or intimacy. Sometimes I like being hugged, but it generally feels empty.


So I'm generally scared of people. I don't know when things they say or do will hurt me. I don't trust anyone.

A. I tend to isolate myself most of the time.

B. I have mild to severe panic attacks when anyone drives up my driveway. Knocks on the door or the telephone rings. (Who is it and what do they want?)

C. I hate large crowds, I hate long lines, I hate it when someone gets in my face or personal space. I have severe anxiety when things are suddenly in chaos. Like when I see a person or group of people running in a mall or store.

D. I hate being in traffic and traffic jams, I tend to feel suffocated and weepy. I really hate it when I am tailgated, especially when they can easily pass me.

E. I get very anxious preparing to go anywhere or for a trip.

F. I hate it when I have to make small talk, I freeze up, my mouth turns dry and I stutter, then sound like an idiot and usually say something stupid.

G. I hate it when I'm interrupted when I'm working on something that requires my concentration. I startle VERY easily.

H. I'm a scared wimp. If someone bullies me I tend to get away as fast as possible. If I can't then I physically get as much distance between them and me. I try to not voice an opinion unless pressed. On occasons I have had to go to the rescue of others and surprised myself at how I could function in their behalf. But for me I'm not doing so well.

I. Whenever I see a perp in public I turn to jelly and lose it.

J. Whenever ther is bad weather I do the same and become very fretful and fearful.

K I have a hard time multitasking.

L. I HATE being blamed for something I had absolutely NO control over.

M. Being used as a "whipping boy" is the worst for me.

N. Being coerced into doing something I didn't want to do and then finding out I was being used.

O. Depending upon the word of someone and finding out they lied to me.

P. Being gossiped about then finding out later.

Q. Being cursed or abused physically, I start shaking violently.

R. Seeing torture of any kind. Also, accidents or health emergencies.

S. Large waves of water, large bodies of water, looking at water from a great height.

T. Extreme heat or cold brings on bad memories

U. When around people who are tense, arguing or in some type of confrontation. I become a child again, simply helpless and at a loss at what to say or do. Exception is when children are involved, see H. above.

V. Become very frustrated when attempting to resolve an error in billing or poor workmanship on something fixed or built.

W. Even though I have found out I have an extremely high IQ I feel very stupid.

X. When pushed to meet a deadline I become error prone and physically clumsy. Doubt my decisions and second guess my original proposal or work or whatever.

Y. Have never truly confronted all the anger, hate, rage, fury and built up repression foisted upon me from all the abuse. I hold myself in like a run away horse with tight reins.

Z. Knowing I will never, in this lifetime, be whole, resolving myself to my predicament and dealing with it in an intellectual manner does not always work. Taking it moment by moment, being as gentle with myself instead of blaming myself.

I'm an asshole. More so than I normally would be. I don't take crap and have little respect for anyone of any authority.