Hi Kguyton,
I would say that it gets easier when you do live day to day and stop looking for the "perfect life" that we're probably all guilty of wanting.It doesn't exist.We all have the life we have and we all have a choice to be with a person or not.
For me the answer is to attend to myself and my own personal growth,when my partner is doing ok,i get lots of "me" time....when he's having a rough time,i then have the emotional energy to support him without feeling resentful about it.
I've definitely had to learn to look after myself though(i'm still learning to do it) instead of focusing on my partners problems all the time,it can too easily become the MAIN thing in your relationship if you let it.It's definitely a balancing act,but,i love my partner to bits,he's a brilliant guy,who just happens to suffer from PTSD.

sometimes i think life is going to be so much easier when he not here - he left me last yr and legally we are separated, i worry about him so much especially when he having bad days and is curled up crying. or just not showing any emotion at all scares me more than anything. i dont know what to expect when i ask him something

with you ending up hurt - yes i think that will happen initially but think of waking up in the morning and knowing there will be no anger in the house today, my kids are happy and no longer scared of the man who is their father. in the long run i think him leaving will be a step forward and yes it does hurt - my heart aches terribly but i cant live like this any longer - my babies dont need to live in fear of the next violent outburst or put downs.

You know I think I must be missing a "wife" gene or something....I work with all these fun, successful people - I know no one is perfect - but lord I don't think they live in a crazy unpredictable environment. Work is definitely filling a lot of need for me now. I do PR for our company - so there are lots of social events with fun and laughter...I don't even invite my husband anymore - and he is grateful. I gave up on any thing like that with him. But when you have to prepare for days to go to the movies - and then it is a disaster anyway - because he shuts down and glazes over - it's not even worth it.

I am completely mystified as to how to just accept and be happy with a person who barely functions....I think I have let go to the extent that I am living my life - while he sits at home....but we are treading dangerous water....because life sure does seem a whole lot easier everywhere but here.

I feel numb about it myself.

Hi KG thats what I am doing living my own life if he is feeling ok we may go out for tea.
I am so sick of being disappointed when we make plans then he cant get out of bed.
I am not waiting anymore if he wants to do something which is not very often I will try to accomodate. But I am not sitting around waiting that is for sure.
Jen

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bec

i was hoping to see if someone had a happy ending. Im going through alot of what you all are going through. It is hard. I love my wife with all my heart. But I feel like she doesnt want to be with me. Im the runner up in her life compared to an old relationship that has been rekindeled. I want to support her through this. I just hope she wants to be with me. It is scary.

The following is only my opinion,

I know from the last three years experience, that living with some one with PTSD is not a cake walk. Its more like a rollercoaster ride.
I am blessed with a wife who even though she has this horrid disorder, still has a great deal of love within her.
Slowly she is healing. She is in counceling, on a med and here on this forum.
If she were mean spirited, and pushed me away, I could not have lived with that. I would have had to leave for my children and my own preservation. She, thank God is a blessing to us even though she fights this every day.
Years ago, when I was fighting my own struggles, my therapist gave me some most wise advice. At the time I was in the process of being devorced by my alcoholic wife (#1) I wanted to help her but did'nt know how. Here is what he said to me.
" Wayne, about your helping her, it is like she is in a river drowning. You have three choices.
(1) Jump in the river and try to save her, chancing drowning youself. ( I had already tried that)
(2) Stand on the river bank and wait for her to call for help.
(3) Or turn and walk away.

Well, I had stopped drinking because I saw what it was doing to her. I was not going to do that again.
I stood on the bank as long as I could and then........... I had to just walk away. Just thinking about how hard that was brings tears to my eyes. For my kids and my own sanity, I left.
One has to evaluate your own circumstance. If you are not psyicaly safe you need to get out of there. If your spouse is trying, hang in there. It does get better. My wife Marilyn is so much better than three years ago! She is more caring, and closer to me than before. The first time she crashed it was time for the hospital. Now she is able to deal with her triggers and continue living and loving her family. It has not been easy, but by my standing by her through it all, learning what I could do to empower her we have been able to power through.
But.... You better be ready for the fight of your life! you are fighting ghosts!!!!!!!!!!!!! :fight:
You will need the strength that only comes from a relationship with Jesus if you are to preserve your sanity and marraige.


Wayne

I believe in happy endings. My husband and I have not had a perfect marriage by any means, there have been grave difficulties. However we are still together and still in love after 35 years. The key is, when there are serious issues, whether they be PTSD, another illness, alcoholism, infidelity - doesn't matter what - BOTH partners must examine themselves, make improvements and changes. I believe this is why many marriages fail, because one partner is willing to work and the other isn't. It's not easy, but nothing worth doing is easy I'm afraid. It must be a joint effort.

Kathy, I liked you pointing out relationships have issues period. Marriages are work period. Not just a PTSD thing even though I am sure it has "perks"! I would like to see my husband respond to this. He rarely posts but maybe I can point him this way to comment further.