Hannah, your life is so much like mine. I too have decided to take back my life before it is too late. I am thinking ahead now to where and how I want to be in 10 years time, on my 50th birthday, and I look back to my 30th and so much has happened since then, it seems forever ago.......so if I take back my life now I just MAY get those 10 years of peace ad joy....but I certainly know that if I don't take back my life from him and ontinue to let him abuse me, I will certainly end up with 13 years of hell, not just 3.
Thank you for your support
XX

Hannah,

This is your quote in the first post of this thread. It is truer, than most anything --- to become a soldier -- they eat, sleep, breath, doing the things soldiers do. They train so hard at being a soldier it becomes ALL they know, so that they may survive....:gunem-dow

When they come home -- they are NOT re-trained to be a civilian again or how to cope with NOT being a soldier... I truly believe they need to be "de-programmed to come home to their families" --as sad as it is to say...

As a result we (spouses) get back the mixed up version of our spouses that left to become a soldier...(They literally don't know who they are sometimes),
which is scarey at H LL, if u know what I mean!

What can we do? Is that the Hardest question ever to have answered or what? On good days :cool: , on bad days:cuckoo: for all of us involved....No, it isn't funny even if sometimes we try to make light of the things we have to deal with day to day. Some times the things we say or do "set them off" and other times "it won't set them off" -- I know there are days when I truly have felt like I am playing Russian rulet --IT SUCKS !!

Ranger can be sweet/loving/caring wonderful man --"Soldier" Ranger, should be feared by anyone/anything in his path that is an "unfriendly." Am "I" afraid of him, no. But there are many times when "I am afraid for him."
Bc he is NOT A SOLDIER NOW -- BUT STILL REACTS THE WAY HE WAS TRAINED TO IN THE MILITARY.

I am sure you already know all this, I guess I am hoping that this will help someone reading this to understand -- how come our guys are so mixed up/confused/conflicted, etc.

Take Care & God Bless
I truly hope everything works out for you to be HAPPY !

D (wildcritter)

Hi all, yes wildcritter what you say is so correct, I fear I have lost him now he is back in his comfort zone......... talks of carrying a pistol and he has the AK47 and guards for sprotection he is animated in his talk - the adrenalin is back flooding through his veins at an alarming rate!

His family and me are no contest for this head rush and he has desserted us for this life - daughter wont talk to him and that "breaks his heart" but his retort was "well what can I do" he has little contact and doesnt even ask me how I am! All him him him....arghhhhh

I am getting on with life - his anger towards me has gone it has been replaced by an indifference - he doesnt care what is happening back home.

I feel so let down by him - the life we have lost together and the devastation and the disregard of the people he loved and who loved him dearly he has just ignored. I have given up competing for his time and affection. sadness decends on me when I think about his broken promises.

his irresponsible behavior to his marriage vows and his children. how long he can live his life this way - I dont know - probably still be in combats at 85 ha!

As you can tell I still love and miss him but it takes two to make a relationship work and it is obvious he has chosen the love of his life his bloody gun and the Iraqi conflict.:gunem-dow :die: :crybaby:

take care guys - I am checking in to see how you are all doing. I dont know what I would have done without this site in the earlier days - it is a fab means of support