Yeah, hearing you. I guess this is where W & I are heading if we just went on and on for years from now. But I have ever been angry or abusive...well I do get angry and I am assertive...just not abusive. I got enough exampes of that growing up with a bipolar mother. I was taught 'how not to be a parent' and 'how not to be a wife'. I guess you are almost a PTSD spiuse at the present moment...can probably relate more to that than being a sufferer. You are doing good. Obviously your teenage son still wants you in his life....that says heaps....and you will always be Dad to the little ones as well. Kerrie will realise one day what she lost, as I know W will if he continues on this current path X

Dear Anthony,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your troubles. I feel the need to respond but I don't want to "chose sides". In my own personal experiences, I only tend to blame Alex and the PTSD for things when I have had enough of blaming myself for everything. For example, I make excuses for Alex's behaviour when he is being a pain in the arse or outright rude to other people; I blame myself if our house isn't spotless; if dinner isn't prepared on time; if we forgot something when we went shopping etc. I blame myself for every little problem until I feel as though I am going to explode and then I do. ANd I explode by telling Alex that he needs to pull his finger out; that it's not all my respnsibility, that a lot of it should be his job etc. For example, Alex and I moved into a new rental property 2 weeks ago. In my mind everything should be unpacked by now (neither of us are working). However, there are still at least ten boxes downstairs that need to be unpacked. I cannot lift them because I only have eight weeks to go now and my blood pressure has already almost doubled... 2 days after we moved in the eectricity stopped working; the real estate said they would send someone ou to fix out. Without electricity our moniles weren't charged and our home phone hadn't been connected yet- so apparetly the electrician couldn't come out. I blamed myslef for this. We were without power all weekend- an electrician came out on Monday and we found out that the problem was in the motor for the spa bath. We had lost about $250 worth of food over the weekend due to no electricity! I blamed myself for all of this because firstly Jackson was in a house with no power; because I got angry instead of rationally working it out; and because I wanted the house with the spa bath... See what I mean abuot blaming myself for everything!! Anyway, yesterday Alex started yelling at me because I tried to carry a box up the stairs to unpack it- so I lost it and started to yell back. And yes I blamed his PTSD for it... I told that him that he was lazy, that if he was a really decent person I wouldn't have had to try to carry it all up the stairs, that his PTSD was getting worse and his laziness was the clue telling me so!. Was PTSD the cause of all this... NO. The problem was I didn't even ask him to bring these boxes up stairs, I just assumed he would. and it is always easier to blame someone or something else for own mistakes.

Back to you now- I go the feeling at the PTSD course that Kerrie didn't really like your teenage son- not from anything that was said but I just gt that feeling. I don't believe that she has the right to kick your son at all, whether it was just a soft tap to get him up or not. I know if Alex ever did that to my son I would rip him apart... It seems to me that Kerrie has struggled to come to grips with the fact that when she fell in love with you and you with her, that she wouldn't be the first person to give you the gift of a child. Being a step parent is hard, and sometimes the resentment towards the step child just grows and grows until everything just blows up.

I cant explain exactly what Kerrie is going through but I can understand her in some regards to. When Alex and I are fighting and I feel as though the situation is only going to get worse I run to my mum's house to. Of course my mum oly lives around the corner and I never really stay longer than a few days, but maybe Kerrie still feels that the situation at home isn't good for the boys.

Anyway enough of my rambling... I hope all works out for you and your family. Remember if you need us we are here to talk. I'll let Alex know what's going on, he's out at the moment and I'll ask him to give you a call. Stay safe and well...

Hey Tam,

Its funny actually, in that I had a conversation with my mum the other night, and something she said to me is sticking at present, being that kerrie knew I had Logan, and that Logan was a part of my life. When I thought about it, even when we where in Townsville, when Logan came over for the weekends, every second weekend that is, it was an inconvenience on Kerrie somehow, and she used to spend most of that weekend out, and stay clear of us both. When she was their, she was the same still, angry and aggressive towards Logan, and me at that time. Saying this, I also was not well all that time, though it pieces together.

Kerrie knew I had a son, so why did she even bother if she knew she couldn't cope with a step child? I suspect it had something more to do with that Kerrie wanted kids, and she was getting old, so she put up with whatever needed to get her wishes. I think she may off actually merely used me to get the children she so wanted. Hard, but very much looking deeply like the reality of it all in my eyes.

Either way now, maybe it is all for the best. I got sick at the end of my first marriage, thus causing problems, me losing it and leaving. I was sick at the beginning of this marriage, where maybe now Kerrie just cannot come to tems with things. Maybe it is meant to be that the next relationship is the right one, where I go into it with my eyes wide open, looking for a person that is a calm and confident person, someone who is not controlling, but more simply appreciative to have company within their life. Who knows...

Anthony,
You are one hundred percent correct about Kerrie Ann knowing you had Logan... I think that maybe she didn't understand exactly how difficult being a step parent can be. It's pretty hard when your opinion doesn't really matter in the big picture... The questions you really have to ask yourself are 1) How does Logan treat Kerrie Anne- is it normal teenage rebellion or does he truy dislike her and if so, why? and 2) does Kerrie Ann treat Logan so badly that she is pushing him away from you both and making him respond negatively to her and the main question is, would Logan and Kerrie ever get so angry at each other that they would take it out on the other boys? It seems to me it has already been taken out on you! Hard questions to answer but necessary at the same time... Are you seeing anybody down there or have you at least stayed in touch with someone you can talk to about all of this? Anyway I had better go. I just hope that you, Kerrie and the three boys can come to some sort of agreement; but remember that if you can't- seperate homes aren't always a bad thing. It my circumstance it works quite well.Stay safe and take care xxx

I would say Logan treats Kerrie equally as Kerrie treats Logan. If Kerrie is nice to him, he is nice to her. If Kerrie is nasty to him, he is nasty to her. When she has bouts of niceness towards him, suddenly his whole attitude changes, and he responds. The moment she attacks him again, he defies her.
I think the first answered that one.
No, neither would take it out on the boys severely, though both obviously have a time of moodiness afterwards, so that does filter down in some regards by both, but nothing detrimental. If anything, the little one's can put a smile on their faces.
No, I am not seeing a counsellor or the like. I could, but I have talked this all out already... and feel much better about it all.
Nothing will be getting worked out, I have reviewed it all over and over, and won't be changing my mind on this situation. Seperate homes it will be, and most likely Kerrie and I will get on better as a result. She is simply too controling for me, to high strung, to much anger as a result... it won't work. I doubt any relationship would work for Kerrie long term until she actually does something to help herself with her control and anger issues.

I may have missed this in the others' posts, but have you considered the possibility that your wife has holdover anger issues towards you for your actions during the uncontrolled PTSD days? My wife is in recovery and is doing great, but I still have deep anger issues with her for some of the things she did to me before she was diagnosed, and those will have to be dealt with at some point. In my case, when wife is having a hard time, I tend to become the caregiver and focus on the issue at hand, but when she is doing well, I then go back to thinking: now that she's ok, she wants to just skip along as if nothing had ever happened, and that isn't going to cut it, she will have to pay somehow for what she did to me way back when, etc., and that some part of me wants her to be hurt (not physically, emotionally) like she hurt me.

Just a thought...either way it is her burden to relieve herself of, as there is nothing you can do on that end...you can only apologize so many times...

Kerrie moved with me on that one already... been through that. Took her a while to let go of the PTSD issues, but she did it. Her anger and control issues where present before I met her, not during our relationship. Her family and friends have confirmed that many a times.

dont want to stir anything up...but is it possible for one to get fed up and not want anything to do with the person you love anymore?? i see that things are going very bad for you Anthony...but are you at the point where you feel done? Kerrie Ann has not been very supportive it seems and she left. What is she going through at the moment?! Does she miss her family?? her husband? what happened for it to be this way?! its horrible :( specially right after having the baby....this saddens me

The marriage is over Andrea, not much left to discuss really. We will live apart and raise the kids together. I will move closer to my children at the end of the year to be with them and look after them jointly with Kerrie.

At least you will be closer to the children Anthony!
Have you seen them at all since Kerri Anne left? This must be so hard on you with a new baby!
Jen