I feel the same way. Wife has PTSD. When will it be about us the providers. I feel like I give and give. Then give some more. There is no return. WIfe does say thank you. But she keeps pushing away or is always tired because of the meds.

And sometimes I am just tired and fed up. I am at the point now where i do as much as possible. And If I cant do any more. Than that all I got. If the laundry does not get done. Or the shopping or the house cleaning or any of the other stuff I do. Well that is just tough. It takes two to make thing work and I am tired of all of it.......

I dont have someone to help out with my wife. My kids (teenagers) do what they can. Folding clothes etc. But it is all on my back.

:angry-fla

Hey Kurfbird,

We don't have any other support here either. It does make it hard, I think harder on the spouses as we need a break from the PTSD, marriage and children thing to. Even if it is just to replenish ourselves. I know where you are coming from with the work, work and more work thing. It frustrates me at times but I am learning to do what I can and what is important, the rest just has to wait. Having said that, Anthony is pretty good as far as the physical support is concerned i.e. he does clean the house (more often than I do in fact), will cook and feed the kids but all of this goes to custard when he is not well. I have come home many a time to nothing being done and even cats not fed!! It is hard to avoid feeling resentful but then I just try and focus on the stuff that he does do when he is well.

The other thing that I have found helps if Anthony is a little off colour is to ask him to do the little jobs that take the burden off.........in our case hang the clothes on the line, shower/bath the baby, unload/load the dishwasher. Maybe you could leave a list of a couple of little jobs for your wife to do during the day if she feels up to it. If she gets to them good, if she doesn't you have to let it go. Just be careful with this tactic that it does not become another reason to fight. Can you afford to get a cleaner in once a week perhaps or twice for a couple of hours? They are reasonably cheap and would allow you a little free time to recharge. Yeah, I know your wife is at home and she should be able to do it but sometimes they just can't. Anyhow food for thought. Take care of you, chat soon.

Hi everyone,
Im glad we are able to discuss this topic because i am at the point where i cannot do anything right...cant say anything right... im just not perfect enough or whatever...and i know i do wrong still but this is all very new to me and my husband does not seem to understand that, and it hurts so bad because he makes me feel like such a screwup in which i kinda am but i really am trying!!

Andrea,

If you are not feeling okay about you, anything negative thing your husband says will make you feel bad. This is another of the lessons that I had to learn and I am still dealing with some of my own issues which were making feel less than worthy. That is not to say that it doesn't still bite, some of those comments are directed at you and there is no way that you can not take them to heart.

Like I said at the start of this post, sometimes I get tired of being the support person and just want to be supported myself. Its a lesson that we all have to learn I guess, give to ourselves first so we have plenty left over to give to others. Its easy to get caught up in the give, give, give but it gets damn tiring. It would be nice to have a hug or smile or a 'goodmorning' without having to prompt or being disappointed because you expected it and it didn't happen.

Man does your post ever sum it up!!!! I know this is horrible, but sometimes I feel like she is fighting with the past so hard that it is ruining our present...at what point do we as supporters say it's just not worth it for either of us? If we have those thoughts, and I know we do, does guilt keep us around? Do we wonder if they better off on their own learning to overcome their personal demons without the responsibility of holding up half a marriage at the same time?

Reminds me of a house we bought once...it was an old one that needed restoration. We thought we could live in it and restore it at the same time...didn't work and we almost divorced over it! From that point on, we swore to never buy an old home unless we could move in that day...sort of an apt analogy, especially when the spouse isn't aware of the PTSD when he/she says "I do"!!!

Superd,

Its not horrible. Its human. I have never thought about it like that before but you are right. Its like they are so steeped in their pain and trauma that they miss the sunshine of today. I used to drag and sometimes still do, drag Anthony's ass out of bed because I refused to accept that someone could waste their lives so. I would be liar if I said that I had not asked myself the question about whether to stay or go many a time. Your the only one who can decide that for you. In my case, guilt is not the reason I stay, I genuinely love Anthony and I also now have children to consider. Not that I would stay only for the sake of the children. If it got to a point where I felt I had to leave to save myself, I would make sure that we had some amicable arrangement for the children. We brought them into this world and we are both responsible for their wellbeing. Sometimes it may not be worth it for you to stay, if you are in danger of losing who you are. As for our partners with PTSD, they would have to learn to cope.

I do like your renovator house analogy. I can't use that as an excuse though, I knew something was not right when we married and I still chose to marry him. So, sometimes the only person I have the luxury of kicking is me. I chose to put me here and I have to deal with whatever that brings. A little different in your case. As for buying a house like that, individually I am sure Anthony and I would like to but we have agreed that the stress would be too much. We have decided to build when we finally settle and already we are looking at strategies to manage that!!

Hope you have the stomach for it!! Just make sure you don't live there while you do it...learned that lesson the hard way. The fact that you love your husband is shown time and time agin in the posts that you make...I've read them along with the others. And you are right, I think it is up to the individual as to when they've come to the end of their rope! I guess for me, I have to wonder sometimes if love by itself is enough...for now it is. Later, ???

Yeah I wonder myself whether love is enough. Its a tough road that we are walking but at least for me, my family would confirm that I never do things the easy way!

This pretty much sums up how I feel. I get sick of having to ask for affection, even just a hug. Some times I want to whom him over the head to get one, but then I think better.:tongue:

I second that medicchick!! :-) hehe
why does it become to hard to just get a hug? i hate it and it makes me so sad when i always have to ask for one (and believe me i have to ask ALL the time usually, i even say goodnight and get nothing in return) or like Kerrie-Ann says about being disappointed because one expects it and nothing happens...makes me feel so low.... i am unable to get used to this...and i refuse....
Ive told him so many times that i feel i give give give!!! and get nothing in return and he gets defensive :-( what the heck! grrr ohh well...im just venting i guess :-) Have a good day everyone!