Hi Friends.
Last night my son Cameron went absolutely ballistic. One minute he is working on his Megablox model of a P51 Mustang, and the next he is screaming and throwing it across the room. Kim and I told him to put it away, the next, he's screaming NO, NO. And then when I try to take it off of him, he starts hitting me. All through this, I'm shouting at him to calm down, and he is still striking out. I eventually forcibally put him on the couch and told him to calm down, yet again. My eldest son Callum comes through because of the noise and wonders what is going on, and all he sees is Cameron lashing out at me, and he is very shocked as you can imagine. We just tell Callum to go back through to his room until everything is calmed down.
This is the second time that Cameron has blown his top, but never like this. I'm totally stressed out, I was sick during the night, which was down to nerves. Cameron has now been grounded for a week.
I don't know what is wrong, and neither does Kim. But last week we told both of the boys that their Granmother was dying and that they would not see her again as the hospital ward does not let in children under 16, it is a High Dependancy Unit.
I don't know if this is Cameron's way of dealing with this, I don't know. Callum took the news well which was surprising as he was the closest to his gran.
But Cameron is a totally different kettle of fish altogether.
Thanks for listening to me
Stressed out Scott:pills:

Hello Scott, sounds that it could well be your boy's way of dealing with what you told him about his grandmother. Have you tried asking him when he's calmer? Children are generally pretty matter of fact about death and dying and at 9 he's old enough to be able to express himself. Maybe not being able to see his grandmother anymore is interferring with his natural process of dealing with it. He could also be feeding off the vibes in the family if other people are upset/visiting her in hospital. Maybe he feels excluded. If this is the reason ask what he'd like to do, if its visit and thats not possible maybe her could make her a card, write her a story or something so he still feels part of the process. As it is, he's in limbo.

Hi Claire, how are you. Thanks for your advice. At the moment Cameron won't open up and tell us. He spent this evening in the hall with his game boy in the dark. Kim and I have asked him all this evening what it is that is troubling him, but at the moment its like trying to get blood out of a stone. Kim and I are at our wits end. He has spent tonight drawing me dirty looks, he's now in his bed, its 9:38pm. And Kim and I can relax. But my friend its been some day.
Cheers
Scott

Scott,

Kids have a hard time expressing complex emotions because they don't have the emotional maturity to find a way to express themselves in what would be called an 'appropriate' way. So they do it the best way they know how. Sometimes it's lashing out at family, friends, teachers, etc. Sometimes it's destructive behavior/fighting. Sometimes it's just withdrawing for a while.

The best advice I can give you (based on 9 years of teaching and 18 years of motherhood) would be to tell him that you love him, you know he's sad and upset and if he wants to talk (to either you or mom) that you'll be there. And then give him some space. Easier said than done, I know!!! Hopefully he'll want to talk.

My oldest daughter is almost 19 (OMG! When did that happen? LOL) and she'll be in a foul mood and I'll ask her what's bothering her and I'll usually get a snarled answer of 'Nothing!' So I just walk away and usually within a short span of time she'll seek me out, crawl into my lap (which is quite a feat since she's bigger than I am now) and tell me her tale of woe.

BTW-I'm so sorry to hear about their grandmother.

Hi Marlene, thanks for the advice, much appreciated. As for the Grandmother, good riddance, she is a bitch, both my wife and I agree on this matter, she's a right nasty piece of work, but we didn't tell the kids that.
Cheers
Scott

Marlene gave spot-on advice.

The other thing I do (I work with kids) is try to give occasional times for them to vent their feelings by modeling it.

For example, I'll say, "Arrgh, I feel so angry because I'm upset about something that is happening at home!" Or "I'm really sad about my dad today (he's passed away). I miss him and sometimes it really hurts."

I often adapt it to what a kid is going through (or what I suspect is happening). Sometimes hearing me say it makes it much, much easier for them to say, "Me too."

just a thought, scott--how bad were the fumes from the model glue--was it well-ventilated?
cathy

Good point Cathy. Also the kid has a PTSD parent which does not help some problems. At least he is letting it out in some form, it worries me the other is interalizing it. Just off my own experience a counselor for at few sessions where it is safe to just talk about feelings without parental judgement and influance may help. My daugther was pissed I took her but I tried to explain they are just people who are trained to talk about feelings and help you understand how you feel.

Now don't sell your kids short, if you both feel that way about grams they know. Trust me kids have a way better idea what is going on around them than people think. Good luck

Thanks for your advice Cathy and Veiled.
Cath. Cameron was working with Mega-bloks which is similar to Lego only with larger pieces.
Veiled: Thanks, but I think that Cameron isn't that far yet. He knows about my Combat Stress. So that doesn't bother him. Cameron tends to try and be alone for a while and get it sorted out in his head.
But, finally last night he finally told us what was wrong with him, and it turns out that there is this boy in his year at Primary School, who has been annoying him and that is where the anger came from. But Kim and I think there is more to it than that.
Cheers
Scott

SCott,

Maybe the kid in his class said something to him about you (if he knows you).

Sometimes kids won't tell parents if what is happening involves the parents...

Just a thought... Maybe I am way off base as I don't know your community.

Good Luck & I hope you all get things worked out.

Hugs & Prayers


D