your key word above and you know that is hurting you! You are still fighting acceptance that you are not superwoman and since you have experienced healing that you can't crash as low as you have. Well yes, you can when it is new. You just have to redo what you did before! And you can! Same steps.

Who says??? You cope with a certain stressor over and over and work on it then that is the normal course, for THAT stressor. But you are not working on one single one right now, you keep having it shoveld on you. You have new ones. You are crashing hard as these are NEW. You will have to hit bottom like you are now and fight back up. Pull it apart bec. Not as a whole. One thing at a time. Stay out of the workbook for now as it trashes us in a healthy state of mind (wtf a good state of mind is huh?). Work on what you have with skills you own. Type it, write, get it out and put each in its own space to work on it.

Bec find the biggest one and lets pull it apart. NOt all of it you listed. Knock the biggest one out first. You cannot run, you have to slowly work through it. So where would you like to start? Think about it.

I am going to hop in the bath and fold a load of laundry. YOU find the biggest issue in the mean time and lets start hitting it together. WHile you lose the damn should! Hugs with a kick :)

Ughhh, argghhhh, I didn't even see that "should." Damn! Okay, am playing superwoman again. Thank you for catching that. No more shoulds.. bad bad bad...

That makes sense with the healing.. never thought of that.. it is being shovled on.. I'm not in a white-jacket, bouncing and rolling off of squishy walls, so i must be doing something right! LOL..

Okay Disablity. My first thing.

I'm slowly getting used to it. I have all my papers in one place for it, so i don't lose them. I have everything, except two, done that they need. (got a check list from them, she was very nice about my unstate of mind) I was even cut off today ( a week and a half, can you believe that? LOL) but I called to find out what I mucked up, and went downtown and gave them a copy of the sheet required. Put back on disablity. (okay this is an every month thing, they cut you off every month, so you have to be on the ball with what you need to do for them)

My good points are: rent will be paid. that is a big BIG stress relief for me. My drugs will be paid. I will have some money for bills (not a lot but better than none).. I can ease off on the finacial strain for a bit. I can try to work on getting healthy both physicall and mentally. I desperately needed the time.

So, I have got myself fairly organized and am getting used to the idea of being on it. I will be okay for a place to live and my meds will get covered. I have actually resolved most of this issue I think!

bec

I am happy to see you getting used to it... But I am in more than a blunt mood so don't kill me. We both got "used" to having our asses kicked for a time. Now have you accepted it as you need it, welcome it and take it for what it is meant? Or just used to it? Get the two papers done, just do them and relieve that strain. When we are like this two papers can be as much as a book. Get on it. Glad you see the good points but are you feeling guilty for having to accept this help still? Or understanding this is exactly why this help is in place for you? Understanding you need it and this will help you overall?

K, am very tired so mind the typos..

ass kicking is good, otherwise I probably wont get the point right now.

um welcome it?/ noooo but trying to adjeust to it ant any rate

the wto papers are for Chris's health card and his child tax benefit (it'a all tied to gother aint it?) so tht will take months as each is a sperate part of the government. have ordered both for it but lot's fo red tape to go.. but i am trying

bec

I see you need a rest bec, take it. The papers are not the issue at top and you just pointed it out, but we will let this rest, you need it.

Rest taken.

Okay back to disablity. I had just posted to another member about having to give ourselves support sometimes. Well, helloooo! What is disablity if not support. So I am giving myself support. Duh. Just clicked. LOL

K have to go and look at list.

bec

working on that myself right now... If you hear a big boom, it was my crash blech this shit sucks when it happens and I want to be there for you.

I got my vacation pay and employment record in the mail today!!

*does a happy dance*

More happened but will fill in later.

bec

Okay taking this list and knocking off everything that is resolved:

-on disablity and all the running around for them

well I think i resolved this one! It's my support.

-Matt's PTSD out of control

All I can do is try to help at this point.. it will take some time but getting Chris out of the house should help.

-My PTSD out of control

one thing at a time here...

-Chris's emtional problems and violent tendencies

He's leaving, not my problem.. his dad can deal with the mess he created!

-Matt scared of Chris, house now turned upside down

Problem solved, Chris is outta here.

-Living room floor ripped up but not finished

Well I will consider this a project in the works...

-Financial issues

Uggh.. well I have no idea right now

-FAC's involved concerning chris's issues

They can chase down his dad and fight it out with him. Not my problem anymore.

-just finished court for jerk off

Am I ever going to get past this? I did good. I did it. It didn't turn out great but it didn't turn out shitty. LOL I think I'm just mad because I'm blaming my entire crash on this.. which is stupid because I have way more issues than that, and that is over with.

-have to apply for child tax benefit for chris, will be big fight with father

Hehe, not my problem anymore...

-was going to move, now might not be able to

Chris gone, issues resolved, I can start making plans again.

-doing PTSD workbook
-doing imagery therapy
-working through triggers

I am taking a bit of a break from these as I was just overloading myself. baby steps...

-broken truck

Well I got it running again, tempoary fix! Good enough for now.

-trying to get chris' id (his dad lost all of it)

Hehe, again not my problem!

-med issues and disablity fight with doctor

Okay I can not mind read can I? For all I know he is going to say about time you figured it out! Have to stop assuming I know what he is going to do. I have everything all organized and ready to go for the appointment, best I can do.

-can't see a pych (on waiting list), no therapist for me, none for matt

Well, if I move, then this is resolved and if I don't move well, I am on a waiting list and with my stress going down, and Chris outta the house, I should be able to focus on helping Matt.




Okay, there knocked lot's off of that! I feel better!
bec

I am really trying to limit advice as I am not in the best state right now but you already know that. But as I was reading and things I have read in regard to this on the board. Do you think this may have some secondary wounding? Yeah, that thing I read about in I Can't Get Over It... Pissed off at the judicial system for such a light penalty after you had to go through so much to get there? You feel wronged? Do you think that may be the angle you need to knock out?