Just when I thought I was starting to feel an eek of myself coming through, I got slammed right back to bottom. I'm on the verge of leaving my marriage, feeling like I need/want to be alone. (Yet terrified at the thought of it) I tried to explain PTSD to him, he even read a couple of entries on this sight. What comes to my mind is the PTSD being the base of a tree, and now I have all these things branching out from it.. major crippling depression, (I cant work) anxiety, anger, frustration, hopelessness, hurt, resentment, (my husband started drinking over the last few years) adding to my big ugly tree. The tree just keeps getting bigger, I've spent the last 3 days in a big funk, not eating, not functioning.. I'm losing my grip.. and I'm exhausted from this whole thing. Does anyone have a suggestion for me to save myself? Yeah, no pressure here.. just so tired of being screwed up.

Understanding PTSD - Edited read this doc. attached Anthony wrote up, maybe helpful to you and your spouse.

Also the book "I can't Get Over It" second edition has tons of helpful info on understanding.

veiled.. sorry.. which doc do you mean and where is it? I'm still trying to work my way around this place. Thank you

k. I got it.. thank you..

Oh Vcc, Iam so sorry that you feel that you have reached the end of that rope with you marriagesupport is very important with PTSD and its many symptons, and I dont know what other things are going on in your marriage but you willneed support and my hubby was bad at not understanding but he is getting better somewhat, not a lot and many times I feel so frustrated that he isnt trying hard enough and then I realize that he is scared and unsure of whats going on he still isnt the best but ....as an Emergency Service Worker you are used to be strong , Independant, sure of yoursel, alittle invincable and now ,mosst of that has been shoot down I know iam at the same place you are and it hurts Bad but remember you are strong even when you feel weak

Thank you Mouse.. my poor husband is really trying to understand.. I think the problem is more me. There have been contributing factors over the years in our marriage.. but it over the last few weeks, something inside of me has 'shut off'. I cant work on 'me' when there is so much negativity going on around me. The longer I stay, the more I feel like I'm sinking, but I'm afraid to leave too. (and you're right.. I feel like losing control is NOT an option.. yet I'm losing it, and its not acceptable.) uggh. (but thank you so much for helping me tread water !!

any time 123 I know the feeling s that you have or at least some of them the only advice Ihave is remember you know what itys like to Have PTSD hes trying to learn how to live with someone learing to live with PTSD a hard place to be in but I would suggest you get councelling for you and him for the PTSD we are and it will help some and then you can make a morre informed choice. PLease feel free to PM anytime

vcc. i know where you are. just look to your right and i'm sitting there too. COMPLETELY STUMPED! for many of the similar reasons. i came close to leaving too, more to spare him than because i wanted to. i think instead of focusing on getting him to understand etc., it would be more profitable to focus on you learning as much as you can about it. and you working on the roots. that is what you are responsible for. you are not responsible for him understanding this.

one thing that causes HUGE conflict in my marriage, is when i can't make the conversation he wants, or if i don't have the response he is looking for or if i don't want to have people over or go out with friends...so maybe it's a BUNCH of things and not just one...but anyways...i realized that instead of making excuses and trying to explain the how's and why's, it is a lot better to say "i'm having a rough day, i'm tired and i just want to chill". now, i wish i could say that is always recieved warmly...IT'S NOT. but i am having to learn what is my responsibility and what is his. and what my limits are. WHICH IS HARD. but when i am outside of my limits...anything can happen, and usually someone ends up getting hurt. did you see the PTSD cup explanation? do a search for it. it was EYE OPENING to say the least.

but i will say this too, since you put it out there. making a decision like that in the height of a PTSD shit-storm, is one that you will regret, and will cause more guilt, make more of a mess, and cause more distrust than is already there. TRUST ME. speaking from experience here.

sorry this is long. i guess i had a lot to say. ;)

Thank you.. I wish I could help you guys the way you help me.. elvis.. I feel ya.. I'm sitting here in tears, AGAIN. I'm supposed to see my shrink today, not real thrilled about it. I dont think she has the experience with PTSD that I need. She seems to be more about 'family & marriage therapy', which is great, but not specific enough for me right now. I feel like I tell her things and she sits there with this perplexed look on her face. I'm thinking, what the hell?? SHE'S supposed to know this crap.. SHE'S the one who is supposed to be helping ME understand!!! I've had a couple of good talks with my husband the last couple of days, I think our lines of communication are starting to open up.. this helps too.. he's been checking out the forum and has gained some understanding.. although reading what I've said has hurt him too. I feel bad for that.. but I guess thats the communication part. Anyway.. I'm beginning to ramble.. but please know that I come here every day needing to be held up enough to keep treading water.. and I always find it. Thank you ..