hi,
i am new to this forum and wanted to say hey to everyone. i was recently diagnosed with ptsd , even though the assault/kidnap incident happened over 25 years ago. i am told and believe it was a situation at a new job working for a bully that somewhat "triggered " the situation. i was enraged all the time at the smallest things, but could not defend myself or speak up at at work. hah. everyone that knows me thinks i always speak up. i was like a beatin dog. it was awful. yes, i quit but i tryed for 6 months and it did a number on me.
the positive thing that came out of it was being diagnosed and working on getting better. i have an awesome therapist that only works with vicitms of violence. so things have certainly improved in the last six months. but i still have work to do, and that's ok.
so i wanted to introduce myself. i though i would explain my screen name too.
when i was a kid i really thought there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, i think it was one of those things you just want to believe no matter how old you get. i hate the man who took that and so much more away from me.

Hello rainbowchaser...welcome aboard. I'm glad that you came by. Rainbows, uh? I used to believe in the gold too and the leprechauns (spelling?)...but my older sister spoiled it for me. She is practical, I'm a dreamer....Well, anyway, we are glad you're here. Although you hated your boss, I believe he did you a favor. He brought up your past now in the present. I know it sucks, but I think the longer you live with it buried, the worse off you are. I'm still in the healing stages although I'm mostly on the "other side" now. It is nicer on this side because here I know what is causing the feelings and I can understand myself better. I guess we are "somewhere over the rainbow"....

Hi rainbowchaser,

Welcome aboard.

Hi RBC,

Welcome to the forum, and very glad you found us, joined and took the big step to say hello. It is a big step for many to say hello on a public forum, so well done. Stay with your dreams to be quite honest, as dreaming is very normal. Normal is good...

I think we all are constantly healing, regardless how far we have come, for the fact that we have suffered severe trauma to be diagnosed in the first place. You have a great attitude towards your recovery, very positive indeed. Many remain in denial, or just don't know what is wrong, and you have proactively taken steps to seek help for yourself. Congratulations for your success thus far. I look forward to chatting with you more.

thanks for the warm welcome.
somewhere over the rainbow - one of my favorite movies. i never looked at my old boss as doing me a favor - good spin on it because i was filled with hatred towards him, although i'm glad to say it is subsiding. way to much energy.

oops hit the tab key by mistake
thanks anthony , too for the comments , i was finally honest with a shrink about my temper and my self medicating in the past and he was straight on. i was very grateful to have found him, and pissed at others that missed stuff - even when i told them about the trauma - go figure. anyway i was not 100 percent confident with this new shrink and finally trusted my gut and went to someone else for therapy- i am blessed to have found these professionals that i have alot of confidence in - because i have had some pretty lousy ones in the past. so success has come at last - thank you for the warm welcome.
ps nam i have a practical sister too - so boring :)

Hello rainbowchaser. It can take so many years of frustrating dead ends, but when you chance upon a genuinely good professional, they are like finding that pot of gold, although they are not the big cure-all, the relief at being understood is tremendous. As time goes by, more pieces of the jigsaw slip into place. Having people you can trust is so important.

My doctor is a tower of strength for me. I really feel a warm regard from him, and a real concern, that feeds in a little way what I was starved of all through childhood. He's also so calm and wise he is like an emotional mentor. I try to act 'as if' I were him when I don't know how to be. I really hope you can use your new professionals and this forum to lever you to a more secure place.

All the best xx