I was born the fifth child and first daughter of seven children. My parents tell me how much they had wanted a girl and how thrilled they were when I was finally born. I think the novelty wore off pretty quickly.

My mother was a very angry woman. (Pissed off is actually a better word for her.) She was overwhelmed with children, had a husband who, when home, acted like just another child, and when away ran after other women.

There’s so much to tell about the family dynamics. Dad was a womanizer, Mom, a prude. (God, I hate to say that, but it’s so true!) I feel as if it takes so much energy to describe what it was like. Does it even matter? I tell myself that writing this, telling people about it is a waste of time and energy. It won’t change anything.

Let me skip the introductions and stop trying to “set the scene.”

I just wanted attention when I was five. The night one of my older brothers offered to read a story to me, I jumped at the chance. We asked my mother if we could go into the living room, so as not to be bothered. (We had one of those off-limit rooms when I was young.) Mom consented and off we went.

I settled into the big, red loveseat and waited.

“Give me a kiss first,” my brother said.
“I don’t want to.”
“Do it anyway. If you don’t, I won’t read to you.”
I quickly pecked him on the cheek.
“Not like that!” he said, “Do it like they do on TV.”
I sat quietly, a pain in my stomach. Oh, how I wanted that story…
I don’t remember much of the kiss or any of the story. I only remember him telling me that if I told I’d get a whipping. (My mother kept a leather belt hanging in the kitchen by the telephone.)
That night began a series of encounters with my brother that lasted for 8 years.
At this point I think I’m ready to take a break.

Whoa! I don't know how all that garbage got into the text....

That got in there from copying and pasteing from something like Microsoft Word, as that is what those programs create behind the scenes. What you need to do, is if you write in word or the like, copy out of word into notepad, being a raw text editor, then cut out of notepad and paste into here, that way there is nothing behind the scenes that gets pasted with the text.