How much I just took out of that veiled, I don't think I can even comprehend it. This is exactly what I feel with the little fella, 20 months now, and he rocks my world.

Piglet, Nam said that so well. A loving touch is vastly different to the smothering type you have endured. You will know when your ready for it, and just let your mind and body cope with it as it allows. Start small... and just take things slow until you want to be touched or held by someone who loves you just for you.

You deserve it you know...

Maybe. Feeling very shit at the moment. Lots of nightmares, feeling very frustrated and off-the-scale angry. I feel like just walking away, but I know there is nothing to be gained in doing that. I'll just have to stick to walking generally until the feeling passes.

I'm supposed to be going on a camping trip with friends starting next week. It's for 3 weeks - dog is coming too. At the moment, I feel so crap that I keep thinking I'm going to have to pull out. We have been planning this trip for a year. I tried to cancel it when the ptsd reared its head, but my friends would not hear of it. I feel very confused about what to do.

Oh.... have you just discovered the problem in that statement Piglet? Think deep now, and if nothing else is causing your current symptoms, is it this coming camping trip? You said you wanted to cancel it, which jumps out at me saying, "I am thinking about it now way too much" hence causing the symptoms to flare.

We often know the reason to why our symptoms suddenly flare, but often need someone else to point it out too us. Kerrie-Ann still has to do this with me, even though I am pretty good at spotting my own issues now, we all still miss bits and pieces, maybe from over processing... I think that could be your reason for the flareup Piglet. Care to discuss what is going on about this camping trip in your head?

Interesting point. I am actually not overly worried about the camping trip as such, it's just with all the current stress with the work situatio, I'm not doing so well, and I'm worrying that this will make it damn hard for me to cope with the camping trip. The friends I'm going with know the basics about the ptsd - I told them in case they felt uncomfortable about it. They have in fact been very supportive.

I know it's going to have its stresses, but previously, I didn't think there would be significant problems - I felt there was more to be gained by going than staying. Managing to confuse myself very well here!!!!

I would think that also Piglet, in that there would be more gained by the relaxation that not going, however; I have been in these situations myself, and exactly stressed as you are now, and when I thought about them, they where causing me stress, but when I got out and about onto what was distressing me thought wise, I enjoyed myself immensly and calmed myself down. When I looked back upon it, I was actually thinking about silly things, but important things when PTSD is not controlled, being... just having to attend, having certain timelines imposed upon me to achieve things, etc etc, all of which I worried about, but enjoyed so much. Basically, I was over thinking the event, an event that was actually more positive for me than negative.

That might not be it then, and as you say, could just be the straw that broke the camels back, with all the other current issues you have with your work. Honestly piglet, a toilet roll being around the wrong way is enough to set us off when we are already under stress from other issues. This could just be that, and very possibly not a significant issue for you to worry about analyzing, more just an observation from my view point.

I understand you with the work problems, as I was stressed immensly when running my own marketing business, and having dead lines to meet client expectations, etc etc. Huge stress, and such the slightest things set me off or collapsed me. And here I am now, wound up the marketing company and retired, because the stress was far to great for me to handle with my PTSD, even today, I cannot deal with "clients", ie. someone where money is concerned, so I just don't. No longer is the toilet roll being around the wrong way an issue for me, as my emotional tank and stress cup now has significantly more room to handle normal everyday stressors.

Piglet, I know I have no advice to offer as I am trying to figure out this mess and sort it out, it is hard I do know that. But I do know when I read Anthony's posts they seem to make sense for me. I hope you feel better and bring yourself to do the trip. My heart goes out to you.

And IMO which may be worth squat, a relationship with your dog is a relationship and gives much comfort towards healing. I thought it was sweet when I read about the dog knowing what cuddles means... I will let you be now piglet.

Veiled, your opinion is worth everything, and you really do provide great support to others whilst getting support yourself. Stop knocking yourself down, because your worth more than that. Your opinion is your opinion, and we are all entitled to express it. Your opinions, advice and experience that you have posted here already is invaluable to the community, and I thank you for that. You are a human being veiled, remember that. We are not perfect, but we are also worth something to ourselves, and that matters. Self esteem is a critical component to recovery, so please stop putting yourself down.

That was so well said veiled, and well done for giving Piglet that reassurance. You are truly a good person, because you are finding things to already help others from what they say, which means your giving great support just by being here yourself. Doesn't that alone say something about yourself? That you are worth more than "may be worth squat?" I think so...

Piglet,

I know that doing something new can be scary especially when the symptoms are in major flare-out....nature really works for me....being "out there" really tampers the flare for me!!!:biggrin: My son understands about the symptoms so when I take a camping trip with him I don't need to worry about his reaction....Take a deep breath and imagine that you will be at peace and with caring and understanding friends....Go and just BE!!!!!! wildfirewildone

Thanks everyone. By the way Veiled - your opinion is highly valued and I thank you very much for it, as I value all the feedback and support I get here. When you are going around in circles and not getting anywhere, it helps a lot to see other people thinking one way or the other. I can work out who I agree with and why - like a sounding board...or forum for that matter!