I just got comfermation I have ptsd tho i"ve suspected it for a long time. I was severly burnt when I was 8 and molested by my sister inlaw at 13. My whole life i figgured the world was on a different path than me and I was denied that road. Like a good male of the times I kept it all bottled up inside untill the cork popped. I isolated myself so much it became comfortable. It's almost a shock to my system to find out I'm not the only one in the world that has feelings simular, I built my own Island and thought it was the ownley one in the world.

You are definately not alone, Farmer. Your traumas are severe, I'm sorry that happened to you. But you are here. And you have us now. You also have your diagnosis. It's nice to know what you've got and then you can take the first steps to healing. I'm glad you found us! We welcome you and hope that you will learn much and heal even more.......

It's kind of diserting and exiting at the same time after living on that island of isolation most of my life and then finding out there all these others with the same histories. Finding out tho is one the biggest releafs I've had in a long time

Hi Farmer, welcome aboard and honoured to have you here. Yep, your definately not alone Farmer, and plenty plenty more exist, all of varying circumstances, though all with the same outcome, PTSD. It just doesn't matter how one gets it, but the facts are, we all suffer the same symptoms, our lives become a mirror off one another, and the best part is, you can get yourself out off the island and back to civilization again with some hard work and mental strength. Its not curable, and will always be with you, but you may as well just accept that until such a point where a clinician finds a cure, if one exists. Saying that though, you can definately regain yourself, and become quite the person you once used to be, before trauma, before PTSD, or how you would like to be, maybe that is the best phrase to use.

It really shits me having all these people who where abused as children. So defenseless and within a helpless age group. I feel for you farmer, but I am sure you beat yourself enough mentally for this... and hopefully we might be able to give you some relief from further self punishment, isolation and loss of quality life.

I'm going for my first therapy today, this is going to be interesting even tho I vent on the web it's going to be like pulling teeth for her but I've got to a point I have to do it to have a hope of a (normal ?) life and have some hope for the future. Like I've said I've had it for almost 40years and it has become normal for me even tho I know it should not be. In the late 60's when they were just starting to recodnize ptsd it was only soldiers who were thought to get it. I would here their stories about how it affected their lives and thinking thats me but that can't be I'm just a kid so I would just swallow it and numb myself more. Now that I've found out I'm not alone the flood gates seem to be opening. Anyway thank you for the welcomes.

Good stuff farmer... professional help after 40 years is better than none at all. Well done. I know what your saying about the pulling teeth part, because that is exactly what it was like for me with counselling, in that if I wasn't asked the right question, they wouldn't get the answer. Catch 22 that, in that I never actually got better because of my own stubborness and ignorance to the severity of my illness.

Try and open up to them farmer, and not walk the same path as many do, and waste the time where more productive things could be happening. Open up to them and get things off your chest. If you are somewhat like myself, then this forum may just help you along better than counselling, as I feel more comfortable sharing trauma with those who have it, so I get that immediate understanding and support I need, and not a text book answer.

Give it a go, and give it your best. If its not you at the end of the day, then other options are available. Well done though for seeking help... as it is often the largest step to one's recovery.

Your right about convincing your self, I would just ignore it or numb it with or without self meds ( i think we had a decade called the 70's) but those nagging feelings were still there. I used to think untill lately that I could cope by just swallowing the emotions and some majic pill would come along and let me have that normal life I would see other people having but it just dos'nt work that way. Anyway I'm off to the T to get some teeth pulled wether that inner voice wants me to or not.

Hi Farmer :)

How did your teeth pulling session go? lol

Ya it went better than I feared, after alomost 40years of holding things in I talked a lot, at least I thought I did but I'm shure she was pulling away. I think I finnaly realized there wouldn't be the magic pill or what ever that will fix everything and the world isn,t constantly hostile. I actually had a truley happy monent on the drive home. I have'nt had one of those in decades.

Great stuff farmer, well done. Its great to feel good again, and I'm stoked that your getting those moments again, even if it was only the one... things do get better in the long term.