I am actually being forced to change this now and it is getting easier. Anthony had suggested when I discovered an exposed back triggered me to push it. Continue the exposure. Well, the layout of this new house has helped with that. I have a front door out of view due to the entry hall being completely enclosed and fairly deep and no front windows except my kitchen and it is high (some bedrooms face out front so big windows there), I cannot see out front at all or who is coming or when they get here. I was used to seeing people coming at my old house and the long driveway. More of the living area layout is a couple big windows and a glass door all facing unfenced back yard facing an alley and on top of it I am on a corner so road runs right there too. But the way the cable is layed it is on the only whole wall. So entertainment center must go there. The other full wall is mostly fire place and has the backdoor and windows. I have no choice but my sofa be backed by the back door and acts to seperate the dining and living area so it is open behind me. Only place for my arm chair is to have an open back facing garage door entry from the mud room. I am "exposed" all the way around. I am enjoying my open widows now more for the birds outside and sunshine (need to go toss some seed again) not to be watchful. No coffee table anymore as well... It for some reason it did not react well with a fit I threw. So no blocks in here either, it is open space. I would encourage more to go with rearranging. It is painful at first, but in this house there simply are just no fast exits and easy to be cornered plus no way to not be exposed and it is helping me now.

I still come out of my skin when the dog barks but I know having my living area rearranged has helped me learn to ease up and my old ways and set up actually encouraged these feelings to keep going. I am learning the painful way I do not need to be as "paranoid" as I was at all times and I am learning to relax at home.

Thanks for the input everyone. Good to know how common it is.

That's great you're working on exposure with it veiled. I wish I could too, but there's just too many things happening right now, I have to concentrate on other stuff. I guess I need to learn some patience.

Veiled, that's awesome. It gives me hope that I can get out of this place of weirdness!

I have to be able to face doors, but I also need to be as far away from windows and additional dorrways as possible, with my back facing the wall. I can't even sleep on my side, because that means facing away from the door or the window!

Evie and kers, it takes time. You go slowly into things one thing at a time. It gets easier over time. I never realized how bad off I would be the first time I was forced to sit in open space. But that was months ago, I have been at this new arrangement about 6 weeks and am still getting accustomed to it. Just don't expect it to happen over night. Like all of our obstacles it takes time but it does take action too. Just don't do too much at once at any of this, but when you get comfortable don't stop because it feels good, keep pushing your limits just a little further. It is easy to tell when you went too far.

Evie,
I have been doing this for years I think it started when I was doing my military stint always be ready, now its cause I trust no one or nothing and am always looking for the quikest wasy out in case something bad happens, I even get to the point that I watch and analyze everyone that enters after I have arrived to see if they are a threat or not, My hubby hates that we alwasy sit by the door cause its colder there but at least I think I can get away when the time comes i need to

The military teaches us to be aware of our surroundings, but this is a whole other perverse level of awareness... and it sucks!

One thing I find kind of odd about it though is that, for me at least, I don't really do it at home much. I mean I guess I feel safe at home, but it's quite a noticeable difference. I can have my back to a door or window, etc. The only "precautions" I need to take are, the windows in the basement and first level have to be shuttered (I'm nervous if anyone can look in), I have to know where everyone is in the house at any given time, and anyone visiting or staying in my house has to be checked for weapons by me before they can enter. Otherwise, unless I'm having an anxiety attack or flashbacks, my house feels safe. I wish I could transfer that safe feeling I have at home to the rest of the world!

Your mind generally interprets your home as safe, hence why you don't do it at home. This is in your mind, nowhere else, and it can be changed, just as it was changed within your to how it is now. You must force yourself past your comfort levels, start small and keep at it daily. It starts from going outside each day, then shops for a coffee each day, then shopping centres, then stadiums, concerts, etc. I used to be all this and more, as mac mentioned for the issues related to military training and hypervigilance, yet I can go and sit in a stadium with 100,000 people now, no issues at all, with all the patience in the world. Why? Because I pushed myself past what my brain was telling me was comfortable, even past what my brain was telling me was distressing and painful, I didn't listen to my brain, and I focused on one thing, achieving my aim. That is the mindset you have to approach this with, nothing less...

Wheras at 'home' I am continually checking to make sure I can get away. My back is always to a wall (I tend to hug the walls when I walk around, if I sit in the lounge or at the table I need to have a free path to an exit)

My bedroom is set up so that I can see the door in my mirror. Couldn't set it up any other way. Oh and my bed is in the corner against the wall. I have kind of enclosed it into that corner by putting a 5' bookcase next to the head of the bed. If there is anyone else in the room I need to see what they are doinng, I need to keep them in sight all the time.

I think it is why I hate going to the shops, not only is there so many people but there is so many places for people to 'jump' out at me.

I know they don't actually jump out, that it is just hypervigilence kicking in. Just feel like it.

Hmms, I was thinking about this and I have one exception.. when I'm on my computer my back is to my door. However, it's the only place I can put it because of plug ins. Mind you many people on video chat have seen me come out of my skin if the dog barks or someone bangs on the door! LOL..

I guess it's one small step anyways!

bec