Hi friends. I thought that I'd bite the bullet and go down the town myself this morning. I went down to get a couple of CDs and I was in the town for 9am, because it was quiet then. Got to the CD shop got my stuff went out and I said to myself, "Where have all these People come from". I started to panic, so I quickly walked as fast as I could back up the Mall, when I got outside I had to sit down a minute calm down and have a smoke. (Disgusting Habit, hoping to stop). I know to a lot of people this is trivial, but to me and to many members in this forum it was a wee victory for me. But don't ask me to do it on a Saturday Afternoon when its busy, no way! I need to learn to crawl before I can walk.
Cheers
Scott:drugs:

No, it is a big step and congrats! Bigs Congrats on giving yourself permission to have a break outside. Now you know if you need or want that break it is openly available to you and may soon find you don't need it. Great job!

way to go, scott!
cathy

Hello Scott, well done mate, thats superb. Dont rush it, a little and often. Crawling for a while is good, builds stronger muscles and confidence.

Hi friends. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, it really means a lot.
I'm just taking it easy, one step at a time at the moment.
Thanks for your support
Scott

Congrats Scott, well done mate and excellent effort. Now, this statement though:
Now, yes one must crawl before they walk, however; I have a different opinion to those who are military trained, and the reason why I do is because of the very training endured makes soldiers more acceptable to moving outside their comfort levels faster. Its instinctive in you now... so I say use it.

I would take on a saturday crowd, however; I would not just go into it, instead walk in and have a place assigned to stop, get a coffee even, to just watch the people go by, be in the space of people around you, ensuring your maintain your own balance and calmness, reassuring yourself that you are actually safe, and that only your mind is trying to tell you otherwise.

You just might be pleasantly surprised Scott just how much you will tolerate if you do it correctly, not just jump in to walking in that crowd, but instead just be in it, still and observe, then get out.

Thanks Anthony. I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet, but who knows in the future, maybe?
Cheers
Scott

You know what my problem has been with going out in public... I become too damn hostile !! If my wife is with me, she'll notice this change in my demeanor and bring me back down Nowadays though, my present physical deterioration has slowed me down, so now I feel even more vulnerable and less confident. Maybe time will do its thing eventually and I won't be on edge so much.

Mac, I had exactly the same problem, and what actually changed it for me was how I used my thoughts to distinguish perception. For example, negative thinking styles are the worst thing to do, ie. are they looking at me; he bumped me on purpose; etc... but that is what we are telling ourselves, and those thoughts are not the facts.

What I did was to learn and write down all these thoughts I have, when I became aggressive in public. I looked at every single one, then I had an opposite thinking style, being the actual factual one, for example; walking through a crowded shopping centre and someone bumps me walking past! a) turn and abuse them for bumping me in a crowded shopping centre? b) there is a crowd, he may of been thinking of something/somewhere else other than what he was doing, maybe they had PTSD, maybe they just had a fight with someone they love, maybe it was just an accident! I forced myself into as many crowded places as I could, and put my skills to practice. Yes, I was a mess for a while afterwards, but I pushed myself hard and fast, not allowing myself to get much rest to think inbetween, and now I sit in packed stadiums, concerts, you name it, without issue, all because I go into them with these thinking styles in place, and I keep them on my mind the entire time. I did this is peek hour traffic, all across the board, until I learnt very quickly that my brain wasn't correct, and was giving me what PTSD wanted me to have, not what I wanted to have or listen too. Mind over matter 110%.

This is why I mentioned earlier that I approach things a little differently with those who have military training, and the reason why, is because simply any person who has done so, has learnt to find constant new boundaries and have been pushed far beyond what they though their mind and body could even tolerate, for example, find the biggest hill and where going up it, then when at the top your happy, impressed and excited that you did it, then you all go back down, walking, getting your breathe back, thinking its all over and your going to hit the showers, only to reach the bottom after climbing an enormous mountain, to be told to turn around and do it again. You think just beforehand you can't do it, but when your standing at the top again, you just realised you could and did do it.

This particular area of training is actually something positive to use towards treating PTSD.

Thanks Anthony for the great advice... I looked at the thread, attempted to post my own experience several times, but decided not to. I'm glad now that I did (I guess a lack of sleep and some irritation got me to do it), because just like you stated above how you were... that's where I seem to be now, and now I can try to think in a different way next time I'm out. I generally do consider my behavior later on once I'm home again, but by then I have threatened and cussed people out and start to feel guilty and ashamed of this. I appreciate the advice... thanks.