It is a box. Cardboard. It is plain and empty but very large. Big enough for me to crawl into

Do you feel you need to hide yourself Herc? You don't need protection, but you feel you need to be invisible. A box is dark, which is where you can hide secrets.... what secrets do you keep Herc?

OMG

I don't know if you will ever get those secrets out of me, EVER! They are the things that rip my insides out. They hurt so bad I can't stand the pain. I am so horribly ashamed so many things.

Yes I hide. As long as side stay inside the house, I can't be hurt, I won't make stupid decisions, I won't hurt anyone else and I will also be safe. I've screwed up my entire life and the lifes of many other peole. I've caused way to much pain to others.

I do not know how to behave properly in public. This is making me cry because I know in my heart that I am a good person. I would never hurt anyone on purpose.

Just seems like every time I try to help someone I get used. I've had the money my dad left me taken, or shoul.d I say scammed from me. I've been used for housing--sex--a car--and just generally taken advantage of most of my life. All I ever wanted was a friend, but seems that I don't know how to be a friend. People just don't like me and I really don 't know why.

But secrets, ahhhhhhhhhhh I don't know if I'm ready for that

When you are ready to reveal your secrets Herc, that is what you admitted is eating you up. Your choice though, and you must be ready to deal with those. Nobody can help you, only you can help yourself...

:Hug_emoticon:

Thanks for the hug Grace. Needed it and going to need a lot more before this step is over.

I once wrote a poem and it's title was "It was my Baby too"! I regret not saving the poem because it was very good. It expressed my true feelings. I made one of the most difficult decision a mother can make.

I had to terminate the pregnancy my daughter had when she was 17 and still in high school.

It was not until many years later that I realized just how much pain I was in over that decision. That was my 1st grandbaby. To this day it tears my heart apart. I cry, I scream and I guilt over that decision everyday of my life.

My daughter was terrified, hell I was terrified! I am so ashamed of what I put her through. This "was" a secret I was going to keep forever.

OMG this hurts. I am feeling a pain like I've never felt before. My heart has such a huge hole in it where that baby should be.

My daughter and I never spoke of this again. Ever. I have no idea how or even if she is dealing with this sorrow.

As my poem was titled. "It was my Baby Too" So you got 1 of my many secrets out of me today Anthony. I hope you are happy. My heart is breaking.

Herc, its not about me, its about you. Obviously if this is causing YOU so much pain, then YOU need to talk about it and find YOUR resolution. It does nothing for me either way Herc.... not about me and doesn't help me, IT HELPS YOU!

Herc, I will remind you of something you would definitely know by now from being here; secrets that have negative stigma attached hurt you, they hinder your progress of healing. You cannot heal something you do not want to acknowledge as a problem or fight past the fear of revealing a secret so it no longer contains such negative stigma.

You sound as though your proud of your secrets.... and you have that right as they are your secrets. Again though, just remember that they only hurt you, nobody else. Nobody can help you Herc, you have to help yourself ultimately.

Now Herc... remember your learning off how to process negative emotion. List what you feel one after another and process each emotion on its own.

Anthony

What in the hell do you mean I sound proud of my secrets. How dare you say that. Not to mention what in the hell does it mean? I am so not proud of what I did.

Admitting this was very hard and paindful for me. I certainly do not understand you reaction. Could you not see how much pain this is causing me. and has caused me for a very long time.

Your reaction to my issues is extremely rude, insensitive and cruel.

Herc, I think it was this statement which Anthony refers to. From what is written, it sounds to me like Anthony has accomplished something by getting out the secret whereas I think in order to heal you need to reveal the "secret" so you can acknowledge it and process it. It is not a situation of Anthony dragging things out of you and then making you hurt. This is about you. Healing can be a very painful journey.

Take care and stay strong as I know you will get there :Hug_emoticon: