Herc, you must read each question and respond one at a time, not read it entirely then attempt to achieve the tasks. I doubt your that dis-functional with anxiety presently as you can type.

Anthony

I do not think you last comment calling me dis-functional was called for. Whether you are aware of my sensitivity to my intelligence being questioned or not, the comment was unnecessary.

Aside from that, I have not learned how to cut and paste and have no copier, so completeing the imagery would be somewhat difficult. But these are not the problem. When I tell you how far I get with the road, that is as far as I get.

You have no idea how long it takes me to type my posts and how much correcting I have to do before I'm done.My anxiety level is not indicated by my typing ability.

While I have a learning disability and have a difficult time comprehending written instructions, I understand this exercise. I should not be chastized for being unable to complete it.

What on earth have I done to you to be on the receiving end of that comment?

Anthony

The more I think about your remark the more upset I become. I would like nothing more than to complete the imagery exercise and get to the bottom of my issues. I do not like the massive holes in my life.

Did you ever stop to consider that my coming to the forum is actually very difficult for me.

While it causes me to think, concentrate and get my brain in another place, it also unfortunately causes me so much anxiety that I prespire profusely. Sometimes I am dripping wet after spending time here.

But I push on and continue because of the help I am receiving. This site has helped me to open many doors into this thing called PTSD and for that I am greatful. But how dare you make such a comment regarding my anxiety level just because I can still type in a coherant manor. What? If I typed in poor english, made massive spelling errors and my posts were just plain jiberish, then would you think my condition real? or worse.

I redirect my mind, my racing thoughts, my panic and especially my anxiety by the concentration it takes to type, read and correct the mistakes. The actual act of posting and thinking about what I want to say is theraputic for me.

If your intent was to piss me off, you succeeded. If you had any other intent, well you failed.

Thank you for letting me vent

Herc, my intent was not to piss you off, but to simply be honest. Very very rarely in life, a person presented with questions can be so dis-functional that they simply cannot answer any type of question, though when they are in that way they also cannot type, they have very little conscious effort, hence why I say to you, your not that dis-functional to answer questions.

Here is the problem Herc.... your not doing what I ask you to do, your thinking about your responses instead of just replying to the questions. You said it above, your thinking.... stop thinking, just write the first thing that comes to your mind after each question.

Herc, lets do this a different way..... please answer the following. Stop thinking, just read it, and answer the three questions asked please. Don't elaborate to what you want to write that has nothing to do with the questions, don't think outside the box, just read each question please and provide the answer that comes to you.

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road?
Q2. What texture is the road?
Q3. How solid is the road?

Herc, don't run away from this please.... you need to face it, regardless what your going through, you need to face this for your own self.

Anthony

I an not running anymore. I ran my entire life through booze and drugs and just plain denial. I did have some more things come back today while speaking with a friend on line. I told her that my dad was the cause of my bad reactions to life. That is a strange thing to say.

I also told her that I was terrified of my father. All he had to do was call out my name and I would burst into tears. Just hearing his voice terrorized me. Have I mentioned the hives I had?

Ok Herc, then no more running, that means.... can you please read the following carefully and answer one at a time thanks.

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road?
Q2. What texture is the road?
Q3. How solid is the road?

Anthony, I need to ask a question. Have I ever told you about how when my mom went to bed, my dad would always tell her he would be in "in a little while."

We were talking when she told me this and she said that she does not know why she never questioned him about it. She always wondered what he did during that time, but never asked. It was during this conversation that she asked if he ever "did anything to me"

Mom is sharing lots of things that happened when I was little---really little. The last story she told was about when I was maybe 3 or4 .. I had used my coloring crayons and colored on my bedroom wall. Dad repainted the wall and I did it again. This caused him to loose his temper. He yelled at me, then proceeded to break every one of my crayons, throw them in the trash and whip me within an inch of my life. My grama was there and mom said that grama's reply was "stop him, he's gonna kill her".

I do not remember this event at all but that had to affect me. I am probably grabbing at anything I can think of to explain this shit is my head, aren't I?

Anything to avoid taking a trip down Anthony's dam road!

Input anybody?

The memories will probably come in waves, Herc - just remember when they come that the pain will recede just a little and it will get better - one minute at a time....

I know your avoiding it Herc.... but you cannot do so for long if you want my help... you need to take a trip down my road in order to help yourself. I understand your scared, you know what the trip does to a person with sub-conscious memory recall.... no doubt your shit scared, but this is in your best interest Herc, not mine.