Your welcome. As Nam so well pointed out... from that statement, your not actually emotionally dead just yet... just temporarily confused and lost maybe...

Hi...taken some time out lately. Nam when you said we won't be the same as we used to be...I kind of felt affronted by that...but thinking about it I guess a change for the better would be a good thing! But afterall I find it hard to think of memories before the accident anyway. It's as though the trauma, has become a fresh start point. My shrink thinks the anxiety is hindering memory and concentration. I just know that now I can't do the things I used to do so I guess its natural to want to get back to that condition when I could do things. Understanding is another issue. I'm a need to know kind of person, perhaps you're all like me, questioning all the time. But I've learned to get to know that there are no easy answers to the way I feel daily. Perhaps I should just go along with things and kind of shut down mentally? But I would resist that and that would compound my dis-ease.
Help!
Still have trouble with triggers nine months on...read about and my councellor mentioned 'the body remembers.' So in a trauma our mind does not take in everything only the most immediate danger, but our bodies with all the ancillary senses going on like touch, smell, hearing, skin temperature etc are taking in stuff also but which is not registered with our normal mental recognition routes. Obviously what we see is probably most important. So anyway things I don't know about can still send me into anxiety, a smell,etc but I won't recognise it! Am I making sense here! Does anyone have this problem? I know there are books about this better buy one.

alan

Yer, shutting down mentally is not really the best approach to PTSD. You are coming to terms with what is happening to you, which is a great start. We all have to start somewhere, and once we get past denial, that is the best method forward. What you are going through is normal for PTSD, so don't feel different, because you not. Your not mental, your not crazy, you are the same you, with a slight addition of PTSD now tacked on. The PTSD tends to take over us, and consume us whilst we try and ignore it, however; when we learn to live with it, and work within its bounds to a point, our lives then become much more bearable, to say the least.

I often say to people that you must embrace your trauma. This is not really a touchy feely type saying, it is more outlined from myself as saying, "accept what is now, and work with it, not against it." Working against PTSD, or attempting to fight or suppress it, fails each and every time. People end up here saying they are better within themselves, when suddenly their traumas are popping up once again to bother them significantly. This says to me, that a person hasn't really come to terms with their trauma yet, nor accepted it, and are still trying to fight it, suppress it, or bury it, non of which work, because our minds are the controller of when and where memories are given back to us, and statistics have always proven nothing but positive that memories will return to haunt us if not dealt with completely.

Alan, you are making perfect sense. People often discover that they find new triggers through other senses, ie. if your a vietnam vet, the smell of jungle could trigger you, where the sight of a jungle may not. The touch of something may trigger you to what a touch of a body, weapon or event felt like when you touched it. People more often than not just think its about the incident that occurred, and often don't know about the larger picture in relation to mind recognition and triggers.

Nine months on, and your still having triggers. Honestly, get used to them, because you will have triggers your entire life now. The difference is, is learning them and knowing which ones you can push past, and which ones you cannot. Its like me going to a shopping centre. I can push past going to a crowded shopping centre if I have had time to prepare myself for it mentally, however; if I am in a shopping centre around the time school gets out, and the centre suddenly goes from light traffic to crowded with school kids, my anxiety goes through the roof and I must exit immediately.

The reason is, is that I had no mental preparation to accept the crowd, thus it is like being within some operation zones where one minute there is no crowd, to the next a huge crowd forming from an event. Trigger!

So, I now make allocations to adapt these to me so I can continue without being triggered. Example, I no longer will go near a shopping centre if the time is even close to when school is let out, ie. 3pm - 3.30pm. I will always ensure that I now go to a shopping centre well before these times on a weekday. I never go late night shopping on thursday nights, because the crowds are more often than not, to much for me to cope with even with preparation. So I avoid that night. I can go into a shopping centre on a Saturday though, if I know about it the day before, and prepare myself mentally with such thoughts as:

• It is a safe environment, and not a war zone
• People are not out to harm me within the shops
• I am not on operations now, this is peace time
• etc etc etc

I have basically grounded myself through preparation to the reality of the situation, and not over thinking the process or event, but bringing it back to what it actually is.

So that is an example of some control over triggers when identified as one.

No control! An example is helicopters flying on roof tops. Well, living within a military town, you will get helicopters flying on the roof tops. I can't stop them, I can't avoid them, and if when it happens, I get triggered. So... I moved from a military town to a city where military exist, but are not really seen, nor do I ever have helicopters flying on the roof tops. This is an example of avoidance when appropriate to a trigger. Some triggers can be beaten, some adapted, some just need to be avoided.

Welcome Alanmeacock!

I've been kinda tired lately so I've been slow on the posting
but welcome and glad you found us!!!

Hey Alan, I know what you mean about wanting to be the way you were before the trauma. For me, I was such a different person before my trauma, I really mourn the me that was before. I see the changes (in my eyes, for the worst) in every day situations and especially when I get hit with triggers. It is hard because I have three girls that are under 3 years old, and they watch me so closely...When something startles me or makes me feel anxious, I have to be so careful how I react on the outside. I don't know if it will help you, but you may want to pay close attention to yourself - figure out what your various triggers are so that you can learn to live with them or avoid them, as Anthony said. Sadly, it's true that we are permanently changed, but it does get easier to live with PTSD, especially when you work at it instead of pretending nothing is wrong.