As I said in my previous post. I had the flu for two days, that means I was off my meds for two days, and 2 hours of sleep. I was in a deep shitty whole. Ive said to Vcc before. It is a journey if it takes 6 months , 6 years or a life time. We will get through this. I needed to vent i guess. I did not want to add to her pressure,stress or hurt. But i did. I am so very sorry.

This almost feels like a trick question....i will have to come back to it...

Tossing in my two cents.

I noticed no one said trust. Without trust, you really have nothing - my opinion. Trust that that person will uphold their vows (otherwise why make them?), be there for you (good times and bad), you can trust them with all of your secrets and dreams and know they are safe. Trust that they're going to uphold their end of the bargain...whatever the bargain may be. And that your partner knows they can trust you just the same. Trust is a powerful thing.

Also (and I think this is as important as trust) there's acceptance. We all come from different backgrounds (even if you grow up next door to your partner, you grew up a different way) and a big part of making any relationship work is accepting that this is who this person is and not try to change them to suit you and your views on life. Being accepted for who you are and being loved for who you are (warts and all) is one of the greatest gifts one human being can give to another. And when it's your life partner that does it...it just makes life that much sweet.

Marlene,
WoW! Now that you mentioned it and i have had time to read over all the posts, you are right!! nobody said trust.
Like yourself, i believe if there is no trust in a relationship/marriage you have nothing. My husband and i have been going through trust issues for the last year or so and let me tell you, it is so hard!! I never really thought about it or thought it was a big issue until i had to deal with it. So now that i am going through it, i know that trust is pretty much the #1 thing that makes relationships work

I noticed you put a time limit of two years on this healing process. My husband has been gone since September and seems some better, will at least see our son now, but still just acts like he wants to lay around in self-pity all the time. I really hope things get better for him. My son and I on the other hand although we miss him, are moving on in our lives and actually can smile on a daily basis and find something to be happy about and thank God for. We thank him for his blessings he has bestowed on us and get out and do things, maybe little things, but things just the same to get us through this mess a little bit easier.

dazed

Dear Anthony,
In regards to your post about the pefect partner, I may just be a cynic but I don't believe their is such a thing. Yes all of the things mentioned are important but perfection is just impossible (IMO). Every relationship has it's own issues, most just aren't seen on the outside... I had a mutual friend of mine and Alex's tell me recently that he wishes him and his missus had the "perfect relationship that Alex and I have". Don't get me wrong, I love Alex, but perfect relationship!!! I wish. Alex makes me laugh, he is self- reliant, he allows me my own time, he is faithful and trustworthy and loving and he's a great Dad,I find him attractive and I know he tries his hardest to do the best for me and the boys; but my god sometimes he drives me crazy. Alex and I share the same moral fibres, we agree on all the important things in life, he is my best friend and I have never loved anyone more than I love him (except my boys) and I know he loves me just as much; none of this stops the frustrations or the irritability I experience from putting up with him. This perfect partner you are describing would be perfect for about 6 months and then one day almost everything that person does will annoy you (like leaving wet towels on the floor or being busy when you need to talk) and you all know I am right. Eventually the honeymoon period is over and finished and you have to learn to deal with this "imperfect" partner. Please don't get me wrong, I hope everyone finds their perfect partner, but the reality is being perfect is a great burden, on both parties. Sorry to throw a spanner in the works. If I had to pinpoint the most important aspect of any relationship, I would say that people should stick to a personal family rule (one I grew upo with and so did Alex) never go to bed angry at each other; when you say good night to each other, say I love you and mean it, no matter what the argument.

Human nature being what it is... perfection is truly an unattainable goal. :crybaby: However, it doesn't mean we can't get as close to it as possible, again, human nature.

We each have certain requirements: communications, honesty, trust, friendship, sexual chemistry, etc, etc. It is a partnership and each of our requirements need to be a two way street. One ways just don't cut it! Committment to each of the things we require is as important as the requirements themselves.

nothing is perfect, that truly sucks.... :frown: We all just have to make the best of our imperfect selves and life in general. As always, easier said, than done!

I wish for you all to find the love, happiness, good health, good fortune you are seeking. :biggrin:

God Bless

D (wildcritter)

I must say Tam, bloody well said and totally agree.

Isn't it funny how life sometimes throws us something totally unexpected when we least expect or want it ??

LOVE!

Spirit x