Farmer said: I can totaly relate A1 as it happened to me when I was young to. The isolation one puts onself through when at that age we are still learning how to socialize and stuff. I sappose the hypersensitvity is why the consentration is so low, we are trying to take everything in when don't need to at the time and numbing when I should not. [/i]

What you said makes perfect sense. It sometimes feels like a part of me got stuck in that time period. Hmm.

It was really helpful to read these threads, one of those "I'm not the only one" moments :)
I get so easily over-stimulated by noise and movement that I find myself with just one very loud thought in my head "GET OUT!"
I use a Service Dog for mobility, medical alert for migraines, and for emotional support during these panic attacks or whatever they are.
It is still hard not to beat myself up when I'm safely back home for being such a big baby and not being able to handle the mall crowd anymore.

Awww Boo, I sure wish I could bring my dog into buildings/malls...
Sometimes PTSD makes me view "outside" as unbearably dangerous.
I described it to my therapist as
"each time I leave the house I am risking death each time... each time my partner or I leave the house... I am convinced that something bad is going to happen"

Currently, I don't go places without bringing my dog, (he makes me feel safe)
but because he isn't a service dog I'm quite restricted to where I can go.
But if I have to run into the mall, I'm only like 10 mins (max)
so I leave in him the running car with the A/C on (he's big, no ones gonna break in, lol)
and he's always waiting to calm down my panic attack when I get back.

I am very fortunate that I do not need a service dog...
but if I could bring my dog in the mall... hmmm
I might be able to stay in there for 15 min instead of 10min! lol

Please dont ever beat yourself up for feeling like you are being a big baby,
you have gone through some trauma
it's hard to accept...
but in time and with hard work.. it will get easier.
I promise

Wow, YA...I thought I was the only one who was convince something bad was going to happen! Thanks for sharing this, as it makes me feel better!

Of course, my feelings aren't limited to just going out; I have these feelings all the time, anywhere. Not sure exactly why, but I know I'm going to have to explore this in therapy. Oh, and I also have them regarding my kids and husband, especially if they are later getting home than they say they will be (even if it's 2 or 3 minutes late!).

Kim

Yeah I always have my passport handy etc...just in case there's another war...or whatever and I need to leave again...also keep flashlights/candles in case we lose power etc...

I totally agree about the need for a companion dog for PTSD also. Lived in France where dogs are practically citizens...my little Fox terrier could go everywhere with me, restaurants, stores, parks. A great source of comfort, fewer panic attacks and definitely less loneliness.

It seems to affect all my senses. Yesterday none of my sheets, blankets or towels "smelled right" so I spent the day doing 7 loads of laundry. But they do smell better now While I was good at multi-tasking, when the hypervigilance is in effect, all other concentration is secondary. So for safety reasons, I very seldom drive anymore (nothing like trying to do a visual 360 when a truck pulls out in front of you)

Anyway, I think it's really important to put fear and your "gut insticts" into perspective. A heightened state of hypervigilance or paranoia is downright exhausting. So how do you know the real internal signals from the over-sensitive ones?

I recomend a book by Gavin de Becker called "The Gift of Fear" I got my copy on ebay. Here's his bio: Gavin de Becker... has changed the way our government evaluates threats... His firm advises (on) predicting violence and (helps debrief) citizens who are victims of domestic abuse and stalking.

He explores the science of intuition, survival signals, and has a really good chapter on understanding threats.

I personally think every woman should own (and read) this book, but particularly both men and women in this group. For me at least, it helps to keep me from spinning out of control with hypervigilance.

Bella wrote"...and I catch myself when I'm talking to people or doing something looking around because I need to know whats going on around me"

This is me 100% too! Man, I'm finally connecting a lot of dots. This one I thought was just a personal quirk! I get so self conscious because I know I'm doing the sideways glances and checking to see who is approaching or listening, etc. Thanks, Bella. I reread this entire thread because it is such powerful stuff.

Taking some deep breaths and getting more courage to get this #### out! So this is what 'exposure therapy' is about, eh? Feel the fear and type it anyway!

Where do they hide these threads?

I've always been really sensitive (esp touch, sounds, smells), but in the last year, it's gotten really bad.

I'm hypervigilant. I jump a mile at the slightest noise and I'm always looking to see what's/who's behind me.

Whenever someone touches me, I can still feel it for a long while afterwards. Sometimes it hurts. Whenever someone reaches for me or even moves in my direction, I instinctively try to cover certain parts of my body...and I'm already clothed! It's a tad embarrassing when I don't realize I'm doing it.

Whenever I hear something, it plays over and over in my head, at times wrecking my concentration. I used to be able to multi-task (i.e. write and listen to music, or write and watch tv), now I can't even talk and write at the same time without losing myself.

I agree with most of your replies.I had an incident last Xmas whilst visiting my daughter.My grand-daughter started crying it sent me off and i took off.They didnt know where I went and either did I but they eventually found me at home.I personally think that a lot of the conversations we believe are about us are not and that is part of the illness as I personally have made a lot of wrong accusations which has caused me a lot of grief.I have found the best way to attack the situation is either walk over become involved in the conversation or leave the area where you feel the glares or conversations are about us,The latter usually being the best option,my doctor calls it "fight or flight"which are the two options of attacking the problem.Porky Rees.