I found this through the internet and I am kinda wondering if this is a good thing. I have been diagnosed with PTSD a few years back. Like many articles that I have read and individual stories, I know what I have is a real.
To be honest, I was so relieved that a MD diagnosed me. It had a name. Like many people living with it, I have run into many issues and consequences. My wife of 12 years divorced me, I take the blame. She took my PTSD and placed it in the courts. Which made me feel worse. She stated because of my PTSD, she wanted out. But it is killing me. I quit going to therapy. I don't want to take medication (again). I miss my children. I can't sleep. I am having a tough time right now.
I haven't told anyone of what I am going through. And I wonder if there is anyone that can write back.

It is terrible that you don't have the support of an understanding spouse, and using it against you. How can you not miss the kids, but you have rights to see them don't you? That is something or something to work for. With me coming off meds the last thing I would do is go back on it, it is so hard coming off. But I would not quit threapy at all at this point and once I hit a time I think it is in check I just may go for maintence! CBT, people stories, their ups and downs, Anthony and others putting things in perspective and giving their insight and experience is doing me wonders. And sometimes just having some one else say yea, I have been there helps. I hope you find the support you need here.

Zamboni...take your meds, go to therapy or you will just get worse. Your kids need you too and Im sure they miss thier dad. You do have rights. I oughta know, my ex got visitation and he was activly using drugs! Butif you arent taking care of yourself, the brain isnt clear and the courts will see you arent functioning enough to take care of you much less your children too! If you arent able to start doing it for yourself, start off doing it for the kids...you will eventually be glad you are taking care of you for you.

Zamboni,

I'm sorry to hear that you're one of us - sufferers of PTSD. You've come to the right place, though. Hang out here long enough and you'll get some wonderful advice and help w/o even trying!

As far as the divorce and your kids go, you do have rights to see them. However, if you are not being treated for PTSD the courts might view this negatively. Having it is one thing; not being treated for it is another. It is different if you don't know you have it, but you do. So...pull yourself up by your boot straps and get to therapy. That will show the judge that you are trying.

Keep the lines of communication open with the kids. Be honest with them in terms that they can understand. Kids are very resilient with most things and most likely will be with this. If there was any abuse by your hands (I'm not saying there was...I'm just saying IF) it would be good to get the kids into counseling too.

PTSD sucks, there's no doubt about that. Yes, it was quite a relief when a name was put on it. You're here and talking and that's all good. We all understand what you're going through and we're here for you. No need to be embarassed either.

Take care and hang in there!

Kim

Hi Zamboni,

Welcome to the forum. My husband Anthony will no doubt post to you soon when he gets well. Hang in there and consider some of the advice you have been given, it sounds like reasonable advice and I guess like of all of us you would do anything (within reason) to access your children. You have a right to, they are yours as well. Take care.

sorry to hear of your problems. ptsd can feel like a lonely thing. please know that you are not alone, though. it is bad enough that we had trauma, but to be wounded again because of the effects can really hurt, too. it must be really hard when it is used against you, too.
i know how you feel about the medication issue, that word "again" really resonated with me. since i have been for therapy and been trying to find a good medciation combo , i feel better. i am not flying off the handle at my husband as much, but find that right now i am avoiding him and issues because of the way i bottle up my feelings and then explode. i have yet to come up with a solution, but have hope because i am working at it. my point is , when i work on myself and my issues it does give me hope. i feel stronger.
i have a way to go, but feel better knowing i am getting there.
you have taken a positive step just by posting here. please keep going take more steps, i know it can seem exhuasting or that why bother feeling. but get some meds to sleep ( i take non addicitve trazadone ) and it works like a charm. work on any depression issues. you can then feel better to take the necessary steps. depression can really get in the way and sleep deprevation just adds to it.
you can do it, and you deserve it for yourself and your kids. plus proving an ex wife wrong can't be such a bad thing either :).

Welcome Zamboni. We're glad you found us.

Welcome to the forum Z. Stick around and you will not feel so alone. There are a lot of people here who understand at least a little of what you are going through, so hopefully you will get some good support. Take care of yourself.

Thank you for those who responded. I have read some of your stories and it is reassuring. A few comments:
1. Medications- I get really, really sick on the meds. Dizzy, vertigo. I counted the cost and it wasn't worth it.
2. Counciling- I stopped because I didn't like the feelings coming. I had so much stress with the divorce, and guilt, and not wanting to make mistakes.
3. Plus I am still ashamed of what has happened.
4. I guess others have the same feelings
5. I am keeping my head above water, but....

Hi!!!! Zamboni WELCOME!!! Yes....many of us to respond to newcomers...It's just late afternoon...so sometimes it takes a bit before you get replies...I joined this month too....Sometimes it's different time zones and so that can make a difference....I still don't know completely how to maneuver around the forum...Sorry to hear about the divorce...Kind of a nasty business sounds like...Is there a place in your county that offers free help? Search the internet and try to find out what's available for PTSD...Unfortunately some areas just don't have much to offer....Just don't give up!!! You may not feel like it now but you are special!! It's not your fault that you have to deal with this PTSD stuff!!! Feel free to ask questions....feel free to learn....feel free to laugh at our jokes!!!
Wildfirewildone