Kathy... that is a tremendous statement.

Kathy (and Evie when she reads this..LOL)

The third eye/ forehead comment. You asked what watching from her forehead could mean.. I have a pretty good guess at that one..

Third person mode. It's a form of dissassociation, one that I have severly. I see everything and remember every from a third person point of view. You will have to ask Evie if this is what she is experiencing for sure, but I suspect this is it.

With me (so as to explain this as best I can) I watch myself interacting or watching others. It's like I'm floating above myself watching all the events taking place. My memories are the same. If I recall what I did two minutes ago.. it's in third person. I know that I am feeling things and saying things and doing things.. but I'm just watching it all take place. I've been doing this for so long that it really doesn't phase me at all. I don't notice it at the time and others don't know at all either. It only bothers me in the sense that it isn't normal.. but I've learned so much on here that it doesn't bother me much anymore. I will either always be in third person mode or I will someday learn how to interact and remember in a self view.

It can give self control a run for it's money though. It can be very difficult to not blow up at people and act like an ass when everything is so remotely connected. It's tricky and I don't always succedd at it..

Anyways, that is what I think.

I thought it was interesting that Evie has the same morning issue as me. I'm also horrid if I just walk in the door from doing anything. Don't ask me anything, come near me, breathe on me etc.. I just end up flipping out.. I can't deal with it. I like the word decompress.. hehe that is it too...it describes it very well...

bec

I second everyone's comments, and particularly portabella's about everyone differing. For me, it took learning my reactions when NOT to go anywhere near the subject, or me at all at times. It takes listening to what someone is saying, and respecting it. If she says "No", respect that. It only leaves a person feeling unsafe if they think that they are going to be pushed too far, and then it can mean total avoidance of the issue altogether. I know I have personally dreaded 'that question'. The one where someone says "What happened to you, in detail?". Straight away I freak out. The approach needs to be gentle, not so gentle that it isn't even encouraging her to deal with it, or giving the opportunity to. But definitely don't push hard, so that she is pushed over the edge.

I am also another who is really bad at mornings. I don't want to be touched, sometimes I don't even want to be talked to. On bad mornings, anything can irritate me though this could just be my temperament! But mornings are one to watch, sometimes it's too much to start the day off with thinking about things.

Becvan's description of her 'third eye' issue is one I can relate to also. Sometimes I feel unreal, out of body, my senses muffle, and am unable to think. Push it, and for me, it gets worse and I start feeling physically ill.

It's difficult, and takes learning and you might not get it right every time. But knowing that someone is trying, and not giving up on me has always really helped.

Thank you once again to all for the splendid comments. Your sharing is invaluable to my husband and myself.

This is very true. My husband and I are lacking in patience I fear. We are still working on this point. I am pleased to know however that Evie is not the only one with this issue. Thank you.

Absolutely paul, a very good point. It is vital to be treated as "normal" I believe. PTSD is very grave, but it doesn't completely encapsulate a person.

Yes mac, I was about in tears when I read it, it was so touching!

Bec, your description of the third eye is very interesting indeed. Thank you. Evie does say she's looking down on things occasionally too, and we never quite understood that. An out of body experience makes perfect sense in this regard. I'm pleased it doesn't distress you. It distresses Evie greatly. She feels out of control. I believe she still wishes to be the person she was before, and that must be difficult to deal with. Truly I admire all of you for continuing on with life as well as you do. I'm not sure I would be as able.

Lisa, questions of any kind are difficult for Evie as well. Serious talking requires a lot of effort. This can be hard for those of us not suffering PTSD to understand, especially in our family where everyone is expected and encouraged to be truthful and blunt. I do thank you for reminding me to be gentle in my questioning.

Hmm I would probably find it a lot more distressing than I did if I remember the before part.. I'm not sure if having amnesia is a blessing or a curse half the time. It's definately made my acceptance of having PTSD and all the crap that comes with it a cakewalk.. but speaking to people who seem to know me intimately when I haven't got a clue who they are, the inablity to remember what happened to me before I was 14, pretending to "remember" what the heck people are talking about.. can really irrate me.. LOL

I would say (take this as the outsider opinion on this one.. as my situation is unique with this aspect) I think a lot of the distress part on Evie's side is the lack of acceptance. Somedays I just want to be normal too.. but it's my version of normal since I don't really know anything else! My idea of normal is sleeping on a regular basis and not having panic attacks. Everything else I can handle.. LOL

bec

Wanted to second my wife's gratitude for the contributions and advice. Much appreciated all.

Bec, question. Curious about this amnesia. How do you manage to deal with your trauma, if you can't recall it? Or has your trauma occurred since then? Please, do not feel obliged to answer if the question causes discomfort. Not intended as such, just interested is all. Hope you are feeling well.

Jim.

I have read the original question and not come out... I have not read a response to the thread even though I should be just at least on an editorial level. But this one made me think. And this is a toughie.

You know the real answer is day to day. Sometimes my panic hits so hard and like tonight I want my family to stay away. They left this afternoon and are stopping by soon, then off they go again until it is past bedtime for kids and they will sleep. Today that is what I need. Most often I need them all withins arms reach. I guess I would be a liar if you do not look at it like my family is at my beck and call... My married into family any way, my natural family are horrible and will not own up and I am a thorn for having this. But other times please go away to my family I have now. Today is unique because I just do not cry but it has come so much I want anyone who could see it away.

My episodes come... It blows both ways there too. The other night my husband held me so tight telling me I am safe and telling me how to get through it. He did an excellent job. Other times I need no one touching me or coming close. He gets confused which way to go. I don't blame him as I get confused too. All I can say is listen and ask. If being held and told you are safe, it is OK, this is normal for what you went through and they don't freak out harder then that is what is needed. If you get a violent reaction space is. It is never the same day to day. It make take a few moments of encouragement to see which way it swings.

For me, and just me and my thing, I have been losing a lot of the holding and being reassured. I assume the thing is when they come at first others find it just as disturbing as we do. But naturally others get used to it. Does not matter how long it has gone on it is like the first time out for us.

I would say read into Evie's responses to being there. Holding talking... Don't go off the first impulse reaction but give it a minute or two.

Need to go as right now my space is being done over kill and hubs wanting to spend the night at his parent's with the kids. I guess he does not get I need him but need space from children seeing me like this.

Sorry Kathy, it changes day to day, no standard rule.

Trust my wife to ask the really tough questions! ;-)

Veiled, just read your response and appreciate it greatly, as I'm sure Kathy will as well. Thank you for sharing of yourself. I wish you a good night. Take care of yourself please.

Jim.

My night should I hope be OK. Since I cannot let go of my husband to support he has decided to stay home with kids. MIL is out of town and he is afraid his dad can't handle a teen and toddler. I understand but feel myself shutting down as a result. I am sure I will be better tomorrow. I know where my xanax is so if need be I will take it. I had to make a choice hubs and kids gone or all here. I keep trying to tell myself just a couple hours the kids will go down, I just do not want them to see me break down is all.

Just listen to Evie after a few minutes, you will see what is best and again it is different day to day. Be nice if we knew what tomorrow held for us feeling wise but it is not predictable. That and being a mind reader may help LOL...

OK, sorry to go post happy here. But the question you posed to bec. I do not have as severe an amnesia case. But I have almost no recall of the things done to me and have absolutely no memory of the fires. He did prison time for arson I heard. I have no recall of him (this is hard but needed) but no recall of him trying to set me ablaze. Flash backs are there and confirmed. The other things he did and I am not as open about is when things got very "weird" (WTF do you call it when it is a much older brother?) I remember and can hear the door shut, I see the door shutting and then total blank.

He was so involved in my life but it is gone. You heal by trying to come to terms with the emotions that come. I am not certain you need the recall of event as the emotions linger no matter what. The pain is there. You have to learn to work that emotional state, mourn. You may not remember what caused the pain but the emotions are stuck. You have to learn to work through that aspect to move on.