hello everyone, i am in a support group for women who have been in domestic violence situations. many woman there are very angry (and they should be), but anger of any sorts, even justified anger is a huge trigger for me. i cant seem to get angry at all. and one lady there talks about she wants to hurt her abuser etc etc, swearing and everything, just makes me feel unsafe. i am not sure what to do, nightmares are getting worse and flashbacks during support group are bad. my T wants me to stay. I have talked to facilitators and she will ask group to tone down on the swearing at least. i feel like a trouble maker or something. i just dont cannot tolerate any type of anger, my body goes into danger signal mode. does this make sense to anyone?

Hi Canuck!

I haven't seen you in awhile.. nice to have you back!

I don't have any advice in this situation; however, I do understand the anger being a trigger. Any type of confrontation, even very minor low keyed ones, make me tremble like a leaf. It scares the pants right off of me. I can not deal with other peoples anger. I usually have to run away and hide in my house with my phone, internet shut off and doors locked afterwards. I will go to amazing lengths to avoid confrontation.

So yes, this makes total sense to me. In fact, I'm very proud of you for still going despite that trigger! Wow. I think you could do two things here. A) you could stop going to avoid the anger trigger or B) you could keep going and expose yourself to this trigger and work your way through the anxiety for it.

I'm not sure where you are at in the healing process to decide which is better for you at the moment. I'm sure others will pipe up with better words o wisdom than me! LOL..

I would like to ask.. what are you getting from the group? What I mean is are you recieving support from them? Validation of your abuse? Learning about the cycle of violence? Etc..

maybe make out a pro's and con's list to help you decide if you are getting enough benefits from the group to keep going?

I don't think your a trouble maker at all.. I would have a hard time sitting there listening to them curse and yell too. You should be proud of yourself for standing up for your needs! Well done!

Bec

*hope that was helpful in some way*

hi becvan,

yeah havent been around in awhile, went into isolation mode for 2 months i guess. couldn't deal with anything. broke up with my boyfriend and sort of needed to sort things out. started going back to t and then started this support group. it is good because i meet with women who have been through what i have and understand me, just seems like they are all more in touch with their anger, whereas I can barely even say out loud what happened, and still think alot of it is my fault. I dont know. Just hard, but also I know I need to get in touch with my anger sooner or later.

Hi Canucklady,

I understand the not being able to get angry when you perhaps should thing. Sounds like obviously fear anger because it is associated with the violence you have suffered. Do you also fear your own anger in that way too? Or is it simply not accessed yet? I know t hat the few times I get angry I freak because I feel out of control.

I agree with becvan... generally avoiding emotions is destructive. It's how you deal with them which is important, and avoiding is not dealing with them. Not that I have any advice as how to not avoid, I'm a fine one to talk. But what I do know is it is a process. Talking this through with your group could be helpful....?

From someone who suffers a lot of self-blame and guilt, I have at least been told that only when I rid myself of that will the anger come in. In some respects that has come true, but not yet directly to my PTSD. How can you be angry at someone else, when you are blaming yourself? That is probably an obvious comment, sorry if it is - but sometimes it isn't. It wasn't to me, anyway.

I know how difficult it is overcoming that though.

Good luck

Lisa.

talked to T yesterday. she will be talking with group leader to see what is happening. this group is supposed to help me see that i am not alone and others have survived and overcome. just some ladies are in different path to healing. for them anger is what gets them through. i havent been able to get angry ever, only get angry at myself. i know that is part of what t is wanting me to do is get angry at the right people. she wants me to stay for just one more session at least. and then talk to her about it. in the mean time she is going to talk to facilitator and see if she can help make things safer for me. i feel like the group leader will get mad at me for causing so much trouble and just tell me not to come back. some group sessions were ok, we were talking about coping skills and how to deal with emotions. so that helped me. feel like cant do anything right

I also have problems with anger--in fact, that's one of my biggest issues in therapy. When other people get angry, or when I get angry, I dissociate big time (and then tend to self-harm). I'm working on getting angry and staying with it so that I can realize that I will not be hurt by other people's anger or by my own.

This is a long, hard road. But you're not alone. Trust your T and see how this goes, I think...

I too can relate. i run from anger. i shake allover and cant get calmed down for a long time when i see or hear anyone yelling or even raising there voice. I quess i have been beat up too many times.