hey everyone Im new to this forum, but Ive been diagnosed with PTSD for about 3 years. as the years went on my attacks have gotten even worse. just the other day i was notified that my father (cause of PTSD) was coming up to NY to see us. about an hour later I walked into the bathroom and had a flashback. Came out into the living room, saw my mom talking on the phone, and i said " im gonna *u*kin flip out" and started to shake and cry like i normally do. but then i just smashed my head on the freezer door because i was angry or something. after that i bent over like the top of my body was dead and started shaking worse. then i fell on the floor (which messed up my shoulder) and shook so hard i thought i was having a seizure.

the next day my lil brother (17) didnt want to goto school and ended up getting so frustrated that he punched a hole in the wall. i woke up from a dead sleep ran out the bedroom door, pushed him down on the bathroom floor (holding him by the throught) and said "why dont you just goto school, why dont you *u*kin listen" it was like i wasnt doing it...like it was my father. (im shaking as i type now).

i mean in no way would i ever do this of sound mind! im the nicest guy ever, but lately i feel like i should just goto the hospital and stay for a while. but i have to finish this semester at college....have to..so i can graduate.

im not on any medication but i was wondering if there are any really good ones to control my constant shaking, anxiety, anger, and attacks. i was thinking a very low dose of valium lol.

Mark Marvin

Welcome MarkMarvin :)

As far as medications go, the best thing to do is talk to your doctor or a psychiatrist about what might help you.

Take care

I can totally and I mean totally relate to this. I too am usually quite passive. But.....every once in a great while something will trigger me off and I loose it. I can be very violent at this time even though it is usually very short lived, only a few minutes and I will hide away and then get ashamed of it. I have often said that when I get like that don't ever fu%$ with me because I am a "product of my sister" and when I snap like that I know I am very strong. When I get pissed in normal mode, I am still an ox, but its not the same. I don't know why this happens, but I know how you feel. Its almost like you turn into your abuser for a second there. Peace be with you, I will have you in my thoughts.

T.

I've been having a rough time lately and a few days ago I completely lost it...just becaus eof some stupid semi-critical remark someone made to me(don't even remember if it was mom or sister) and I just threw the little plate that wa sin my hand without any regard for th eperson standing there (in the kitchen)...And then after a while you just ask yourself...was that really me?

welcome to the healing place. I know we can all relate. anger can really mess you and those you love up. have you ever seen a Dr. for the Outbursts. thats where to start getting the ball rolling so you can graduate and fallow your dreams for your self. I wish someone would have told me along time ago that its ok to ask for help.

Ive been trying to contact my therapist for about 2 or 3 weeks now! I dont get it. Every time I can she is either with someone else or if I leave a message to call me back she never does. I havent seen anyone for about 3 or 4 months. I had about 3 or 4 of the EMDR treatments and I went to a place that scared the living hell out of me! She told me we didnt have to go there yet if I wasnt ready. Which I wonder if I ever will be! Ever since the treatments Ive been a real jerk, its like it made me worse! Im tense as heck, I have this huge lump in my throught through out the day and I can hardly breathe because of it. Im constantly digging at my skin, tearing it up. Everyday is a struggle to even leave the house. And in the house is just as bad sometimes. Because my little sister and everyone else makes noise or startles me. IDK what to do anymore lol. I have feelings of hurting ppl for no appearent reason. And Ive been thinking that if I do goto the hospital Ill lash out at everyone that complains about me being there b4! Im always quite the opposite of this though. And what makes this even harder to deal with is the fact that Im a solo artist and I have to work on my recordings all the time and everyone is annoying the heck out of me. Plus its hard to concentrate in the first place lol. IDK if Im aloud to post a link to my myspace on here or not so Ill wait till someone tells me I can lol.

ttyl
MarkMarvin

OH and another thing I was wondering about...does anyone else see little bubble like things in their vision? Theyre like the bubbles you can blow with the wand but very small and they float around randomly. This usually happens when Im really stressed out or Im about to have an attack.

MarkMarvin

Hi MM, welcome since we haven't met yet.

Just a quick post here! :)

The bubble things? Yes, but mine are like little black floaters. I usually get them during an attack, right before it gets really bad. I also get them when I'm getting a migraine.

They are rather annoying eh?

bec