success?

had a screwy life a bad childhood travelled alot went through a lot of bad things in life, went through first gulf war which left me a bit screwier, had a string of bad relationships which was the icing on the cake, went off the edge of sanity for years, somedays all you could get out of me if you were lucky was a response or me to just be able to recognise you, just sat there rockin back and forth in a doorway, sometimes get the shakes pretty bad, course when your filled with pain drink and other things tend to turn up, was a wild drunken screwed up person, ended up on the streets , slowly but surely i beat drinking smoking dope and a host of other things, got my act together, started to deal with things in my life and started the slow and painful journey to being a living person again, pulled my self slowly and surely back out of the gutter, a day at a time i rebuilt myself overcame a bit at a time the problems i faced, i moved back in with my old dad, and started to slowly learn to live again, to be able to go out to feel safe to feel sane to feel myself, i got to grips with how i thought i hunted out the negativity and self reinforcing patterns of behaviour and negative thought, i slowly built up my self image my self indentity and my ability to feel anything but pain and anger, slowly i built up the things which were good a bit at a time, i ended up doing a course at a local college which got me out and about more mixing with people, i met a good teacher who taught me a lot on archaeology and helped me be a person again, a bit at a time day by day, now i am doing a degree in archaeology, i am a librarian with two societies i belong to, i can face all sorts of things that would have triggered me in the past, i faced myself and the darkness within which haunts me, somedays i may go back a few steps but a little at a time i am always going forward, the future has gone from bleak pointless and wanting to die, hating myself and the world to slowly changing to looking hopefully of thinking of tomorrow of thinking that there will be good things tomorrow to being able to live again, to feel to care to breath to walk down the road, sometimes the bright thing in my tomorrow is the promise of some jam sometimes it is the promise of the dawn and sunlight sometimes it is the realisation that i can be cared about and once more care for someone, whatever will be bright for tomorrow is worth looking forward to and worth working towards, from alcaholic homeless screw up to a proffessional in society with a relationship which is good, and the future of a good job and a reasonably happy life, a day at a time and a step at a time may be slow and painfull progress but there is something in life worth getting up and walking forward for it is to be yourself once again to feel good and happy once more, to be a person once again who can at least deal with the world and look forward to life and enjoy today. its taken eight years from point of collapse but i am still walking forward a step at a time, we can all build things up and become who we want to be if we go a step at a time,the future can be a good place to be. :walking:

Madjon you have a wonderful attitude and have made a great beginning. I wish you much happiness in the future!

Madjon, this is an amazing sroey... Sorry, I do not have enough words to express all the feelings it arased in me.
You actually re-built yourself from scrtch. Surely not too many people who are capable of doing so. Congradulations on your success!

Madjon,

I'm awed by your story and your determination.

What you said about a day at a time and a step at a time and it being a slow painful process...these are realizations that have finally begun to sink into my thick skull. It tends to come around that the simple things are true things-and sometimes the hardest to do.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Great Job! You're certainly a Great power of example madjon. Wonderful story, and glad you shared it with us. THX !

Hope