Well Mum then I guess it's no different than how you two are in real life then! Shit... always agreeing with each and practically joined at the hip.... bloody annoying. And feeling guilty? For what?? Being the best bloody parents on the planet?? Oh please.

To be serious, I do understand the guilt. I think I felt a bit of that with Evie myself when I was with her. It was right around trauma anniversary time for her and things were really bad. She was seeing that squishy bag thing or whatever the **** it was. Seeing Eric. Christ it was terrible. I was really useless to her too. It was such a relief to have the two of you take over. I felt selfish, like I failed her, for wanting a break so soon. Well if nothing else I'm glad to know I'm not the only one feeling that way!

Cheers, Brian

I can't resist.. I must reply!

Although I can understand the guilt.. you guys are doing amazing things as a family. I could only imagine this type of support!

Your family has become my role model for what I want in my support system. I think.. ALL.. of you are amazing. Faults and all.

Everyone needs a break once in awhile, that is perfectly natural! You too Brian! We are hard work and we know it. We are not the easiet people to live with!

*hugs*

bec

Last edited by becvan : Today at 09:55 PM. Reason: sensitive wording...

What? What have you done now, Brian??

Guess it's the pot calling the kettle black however. Made another error with Evie. All of us - 6 family members total - went to visit her in hospital simultaneously. Two of my boys were there, one just came off being deployed, and they were quite rowdy. Should have realized it would be too much for her. Really I was an idiot for permitting the whole affair.

I am getting quite astute at reading her. Within 5 minutes of the crowd showing up, the look on her face said "I want to run". She was near tears and angry too. Tried to talk to her, but no use. I left, worrying she was going to have one of her episodes. Hoped she would ring me later to talk, but she didn't. However. I called the hospital just now and they say she's sleeping peacefully, no problems. Perhaps I will go there tomorrow - alone - and speak with her about it.

Do feel rather badly. Could have prevented this easily. We are still enjoying our break, but I do feel guilty, for a different reason this time round. Perhaps because I should have known better. Suppose this is a continuous learning process. Jods you were certainly on the mark with your "mixed bag of emotions" comment.

Jim.

Bec, much appreciated. Usually don't go for these compliments about our family. However. Tonight I will take it all as I'm feeling quite badly about Evie. Thank you.

Jim.

Jim, it's a learning curve! Stop beating yourself up.

Look at the positives:

• you realized too many visitors was a mistake
• you recognized Evie was overwhelmed
• your removed self and family

Hmm.. lot's of positives there.. isn't there?

Everyone makes mistakes.. you guys included. She's sleeping and she is okay. It's understandable, with all the excitement of having everyone home at once, that you all wanted to go and see her at once... as a family. It was too much for her, yes, but you caught that right away!

Here is a comparison for you. My family... X-mas time.. I have my father, step-mother, uncle, two older cousions, young cousin, and my two children. The phone is ringing people are bellering, laughing, hitting tables etc.. and I'm expected to handle it with a smile. I am also expected to help out and be normal..

Do you know what would happen to me if I didn't do this for them? If I got snippy, had an outburst, showed any emotion, had an anxiety attack.. anything at all.. I would be berated for acting like a child, being selfish, acting crazy etc.. and then promplty flipped over someone's knee and spanked till I had a black ass..

The last time I was spanked I was 28 years old.

Even Matt hides his reactions.. we both know better..

So consider the differences here.. you accept Evie's PTSD, you work your ass off to help, learn, give kicks in the butt, support, and love her, with mistakes thrown in that you recognize and learn from.. then you have my family..

Ease up on yourself.. you are doing your best and learning every step of the way.. don't let that perfectionist side of you win..

love,
bec

Correct. Thank you for the reminder. Must look at the positives, always tell Evie that. Guess it hit me hard tonight, as she has been improving so much in hospital. Feel as if I've thrown a wrench in the works.

Very true, all of it. Expect too much of myself, that is a given. I needed to be told that tonight. Thank you for pointing it out bec. Seems the tables have turned, eh? ;-)

Jim.

Hehe.. yep.. was just giggling about that myself!:tongue:

bec

Hi Jim

I agree with Bec, you saw the signs & did something about it. Give yourself credit for that!

I'm still slowly learning the little "tell signs" for hubby. I too am guilty of "doh" moments. As they say, we live & learn.

I still think ALL of your family are amazing, caring people. All that you do is done out of love & that is a good thing!

I must agree with Brian and Bec... being Jim and Kathy are the ideal parents, you are the ideal support any person would want in life, just for life itself, let alone anything traumatic occuring within it. Well done to you both.

Oh my such compliments... I was near about brought to tears again! Thank you Anthony, bec, jods. It really is appreciated, and makes all my struggles seem worthwhile!

I only read about Jim's guilt now - had no idea. I knew he was out of sorts, but he doesn't always tell me things right away. Then of course when Evie became quite ill late last night (she is fine now, no worries), he was off to the hospital, and spent the whole night there, despite our protests. In any event, I agree my husband shouldn't be so hard on himself, thank you for telling him that bec. I likely should explain however. Jim has always felt especially attached to Evie, since the day she was born really. Very overprotective. He has a soft spot for her and gets very emotional about her. If he thinks he's done something to harm her, he feels especially bad, no matter how small it is. But you are absolutely right, she's fine, a little shook up by the rowdy boys but none the worse for wear.