But the problem is that she won't answer the phone if I call and the only way to contact her will be the phone text messages that caused all of the problems. I did write a very heartfelt letter and at this point, I don't know what else to do. Maybe she does need her time and space, I just can't think clearly enough to do anything.

Let me explain this another way ECF. You can ring and write letters till the cows come home, and if she has uncontrolled PTSD, or is in denial about PTSD, then you will not likely get any responses from her.

The only way you are going to know for sure, is get in the car and visit her unexpectedly once. Talk with her face to face, and if she doesn't listen to you face to face, and be pushy, trust me on that, then you need to backoff at that point, and wait for her to make contact if she desires.

If you get rejected when face to face, I have no doubt it is going to hurt, but because you are only girlfriend boyfriend, and not married as such, you would need to backoff at that point and most likely move on with your life. If she wakes up and realise that she lost the person she loves, and you are not within another relationship, then maybe give it a go from that point.

Trust me though, if you are saying she most likely has PTSD and doesn't know about it, then you need to speak with her face to face, not by phone or letter.

Anthony, on July 29, she took me out to dinner for my birthday. Things were not right, but they weren't horrible either. She did not want to discuss our situation and I asked her "Are you just pushing me away because you don't want to be the one who ends the relationship, you want me to be forced to do it?" She started crying and said that what I am saying would not make her life better and that she is so confused, she doesn't know what to do. Another thing that started this extreme tension was her receiving social security checks for her daughter, since the kid's dad died. She said she has fears of moving out of her parent's house again and failing. She basically thinks everything will fail. She went on and on about her worries and I just listened. In addition to the nightmares and trouble sleeping due to her ex dying, 2 weeks before that she got back in contact with a long time childhood friend - the girl died of a strange seizure a few days later. When we talked face to face, she said she didn't want the relationship to end and she is trying to deal with all of these horrible thoughts in her head. Since the conversation was going in circles, I let it end. When I left, she gave me a huge hug and a big kiss. She held on to me as if she didn't want me to leave, but she said she was exhausted and had to sleep. I didn't hear from her again until a few days later and that's when she texted me that she couldnt keep doing this to me and she's so sorry. She must have written 5 or 6 messages telling me how sorry she is for causing me so much pain and how good I was for her. I sent her the letter in the mail, but we have not spoken in person in over a week and the only contact was us "breaking up" in texts last tuesday.

I have an unrelated question. If she has Post-Traumatic Syndrome Disorder, would she be able to function with co-workers? I ask this because she went out drinking with them the other night. She has her child every day except the first Saturday of the month and I can understand her wanting to go out and drink, try to forget what's happening. But it also makes me feel strange that she would go out drinking with co-workers while shutting me out. Would her behavior be typical, considering she wouldn't have the pressure with them that she seems to have with me.

Also, would you recommend or discouraging me from contacting her mom about this. Of course I wouldn't get into the entire details, but she does live her and could probably give me good advice as to whether or not I should try to talk to her again. I got along great with her parents and I am sure they notice the differences in my ex-girlfriend.

You could ring her parents, though be warned, this could also upset her at the same time if she finds out, even though you are just concerned.

I understand everything you have said, and acknowledge what your saying, but the only way your going to get her to listen to you is face to face. There is no other way ECF if she has PTSD.

Can she go drinking? Yes, because alcohol is a suppression tool for those with PTSD. She would most likely be worse the next day, but it is a suppression tool, the same as pot, being a workaholic, etc etc.

I thought it over and contacting her mom would only cause more problems and could piss her off. Right now, I am going to focus on dealing with the depression this has inflicted on me and then in a few weeks, if she doesn't contact me, I am going to contact her. I really have been upset over this break-up, so now probably wouldn't be the best time to speak with her anyway. Once I can get a grip of this and settle down, then I can see what she wants to do. That will also give her the time to live a bit without me.

That is a very commonsense, good approach you have there ECF. I would run with that IMHO. Please keep us updated, and hopefully things will turn out for the best for you both.

ECF,
I think you have a good plan. I have found that many times when I step back in a loving way, my hubby can come back on his own and does. Plus, you are right. You need to take care of yourself and your own depression. Get healthy. Keep in touch.

The biggest problem I have with this situation is that we were together from January and for her to end the relationship in phone text messages is so cold, but it fits into this whole PTSD thing. I have hoped she would pick up the phone and call me, an email, anything but she hasn't been in touch with me at all. How long should I wait before contacting her? It's been over a week since we last talked and I want her to have time to try to figure out her issues, but without thinking I forgot about her.

ECF,
Yes, coldness does fit into PTSD but she is just trying to protect herself. I can't tell you when the right time is. It will either happen or not happen. Your last statement...you don't have to think about her 100% of the time. You still have your own life to live. Your life shouldn't stop right now.