Hehe, I'm glad your relived!

Living it everyday means you know more about it than any other doc!!

Please click on this link and read it: http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum8/announcement16.html

Keep this in mind.. you are NOT obligated to take time out for anyone, nor give advice. It's up to you. You do what you are comfortable with and what you have the time for..

:) bec

How fortunate we are to have found this place! Anyone can have PTSD. It does does not recognize age, color, religion, location, intelligence, race, creed or affliation. It is a spectrum of symptoms. It can lay dormant for years and spring forth with one small "trigger" unbeknownst to the victim of it's deceptive machinations. Rather like a detective within a mystery they, the victims of PTSD, are attempting to solve, ruminate on clues and ponder the ramifications. Your angry outbursts come from frustration born of fear. That may help a little. I read this a few years ago and though it seems quite simple, it profoundly changed my thoughts about me and my severe lack of self esteem.

The elephants were rounded up into a rock solid enclosure. Each was separated from the herd. There, in an isolated place, the elephant was restrained in a most cruel way. Nearly starved, little or no water, chained by huge links to a formidable giant iron ring. No amount of struggling, even to the point of bleeding and deep scars from the chains digging into the tough hide gave relief. Trumpeting long and hard gave way to to heavy breathing and then collapse. This scenario was repeated over and over again. Then one day as the training sessions ceased, the will of the great and noble beast was broken. Now, instead of a huge heavy chain padlocked to a great iron ring only a small rope of little true strength was now used to hold the elephant in place. The will and the mind set of the animal had been changed, it was dramatic and it was forever within, as the elephant would never ever forget.

This story was like PTSD. It had changed my mind and the actual brains and it's chemicals it so naturally produced and produces, it had long term effects and though I too am a noble being, I was "chained" and changed by the events that had traumatized me. I realized that by having low or little self esteem I was bowing to the "cruel master" of PTSD. That I had a will and an inner fortitude that could serve, not just me but others and through helping others I redeemed myself from the "ties that bind" and made me feel as if I were less of a person. I am no better than nor am I worse than any other person. I am just me. I will take what there is of me and make the very best of me that I can. It will be a difficult task at times. I will argue with myself and fight aginst my own ego. I will and do have to deal with these incidents on a moment by moment basis.

May you find peace and joy within your own self, take hold of the good moments and cherish them as they are the gifts most precious we can store up and remember. They will begin to outweigh the dark and heavy stones of PTSD or of regret or incidents we are ashamed of or where fear grips us tenaciously. Each moment is a new one and there you alone can exercise your free will. To cast off, like chains, the downward spiral of negative thoughts. You are a most fortunate individual with gifts of healing within waiting to help others. Now, use them upon your own self, in order to help them. Meditate on the good and there will not be so much room in your mind for the bad. Smile more, wake each day in a state of wonder and gratitude than one of depression and angst. It will be difficult these new changes, and yes, you will falter and have doubts but know that this is only one moment, there is another moment coming, with it we can renew our challenge to change.

Thank you for joining us. Love, map9

dear becvan and map9 and other responders

thank you so much for you replies. I have a lot to say and tell.
but I am a little bit tired so this answer comes in more parts than one I think
thank you for your kind words.
Hello in dutch is hallo or goededag or goedemorgen (good day, good morning) remember now becvan? or did you use another word?
I shall read the link you sent, but I am new and I have to read a lot, there is so much. I have started with some poems and some of the jokes and some threads. I have been reading a lot the last month or so since I found the vietnam veteran site. A lot I see here I already red on that forum but that forum is only for vets. This is the first forum I can post messages also. Since a few days I found a dutch forum but there is hardly anyone to talk to. Not like here, other subjects other way of writing and talking about it. It is a subject that is relatively new in my country and preserved for vets but also since a short while. Those people didn't get help also.
The VS and Australia are further on this subject we are a small country with hardly an army so no history of ptsd. The yews are kept apart and they almost are gone now because of old age. Refugees with PTSD are kept apart and were not treated because they would be sent away anyway and how to treat them we didn't no anyway so we did nothing but look at them and listen to them in awe.
The sexually abused are a well-known group but treated for every other symptom except ptsd. They have started a group of their own.
I am very lucky to have found you and this forum.
I will try and help others at the best of my ability. I can answer questions about meds or theories and research about brain alterations etc. but questions about ptsd are my own opinion and my own experiences my own interpretation like it is with all the psychiatrists. We’ve learned and are taught the same things but that doesn't mean that all physicians agree and accept those theories and interpretations of science. Psychiatry is not an exact form of science. Nothing is a fact in ptsd except the symptoms and origin. No discussion there. The rest is all but discussion.

Thank you map9 for your elephant story. It was difficult to concentrate and it brought tears to my eyes. All forms of abuse, violence, horrible pictures, sounds and ideas in my head I can hardly bear. Thanks for the metaphor. It's true. We have been broken. But I am still alive and I am still fighting.


About me: I had some good news today after 3 years. I got a letter from the European Court of human rights that they have received my complaint against the government and that I now have 6 months to hand them over all the documents. After that they will decide to prosecute the government for torture, cruel and inhuman treatment amongst other complaints. Their response was in 3 weeks! I have been taken seriously and they work fast

I then thought since my complaint had to be in english I could post it here as "my story". If I have the guts. The story is over a period of 3-4 months what happened to me. It is a letter containing some fact since emotions and pointing at the perpetrators was forbidden. So it is solely a list of things that happened. Not why and not what happened before and after. But I would really like no response to my story because I bury it. I don’t want to know this. I have to be in one piece for the trials and of sound mind. What I am not anymore. I do not know where to post it because I don't know the forum that well. I think in the public diary. I started there something.

Thank you for accepting me.

yes.. the goededag.. one! hard to pronounce! lol.. I had to learn the formal ones first before the hallo. It's rarely used in my parts though, despite out large dutch settlement (I'm a halfer myself.. LOL no one can pronouce my last name!)

Take your time. There is no rush, we are not going to disapper!

yes, start a diary in private or public. That's a great place to start on what happened to you!

BTW: proud of you for fighting back with the system. That's tough stuff!

bec

P.S. just call me bec..

yes the famous "G" unpronounceable
I posted. I am willing to talk about everything but JL. Lets call it JL. I saw that I forgot to erase our names.
Yes being a severely traumatized woman all alone and still being able to fight back frightened a lot of people here. The power that comes from rage from ptsd explosions terrifies them. The fact that I am still alive amazes people.
Indestructible. But I have told them that. You cannot win this. I will never give up; this is not about me morons.

Hi maus, welcome to the forum. As mentioned, your not a physician here, and are certainly already covered on a legal note within the legal liability disclaimer. We are a community, one in which all are equal, all help one another by doing nothing more than really just helping ourselves. Ask questions, answers and opinions are given, often containing valuable experience or knowledge of others, and this type of learning is more therapeudic to help those of us with PTSD as I have discovered and done for myself.

There are lots of therapy professionals here with PTSD spanning across a wide range of qualifications, some without PTSD even, though we all just learn from one another. All I can say, is that if anyone reads your a professional and begins sending you private messages for professional advice, please disregard them or send them to myself for administrative action, as I do not condone such instances of people looking for free professional therapy on this forum, instead it is to be used as a community wholely.

Welcome and look forward to chatting more with you.

I don't think you have the spare time to chat with me more :-) but I appreciate the suggestion
thank you for starting this forum

Welcome to the forum.. its a great place, full of fantastic people. We're here for each other.. and you. Good to have you. :redface:

hey hon, welcome

giggles goededag

:) reminds me of german guten tag

just welcome hon, welcome and be at peace.

hay and thnx
be at peace ;-) that’s funny looking at our avatars
each other’s opposites :-) you give me a piece of you, you get a piece of me
What kind of avatar would that make
and yes german and dutch look a lot like eachother
goedendag=gutentag=goodday all germanic languages