Toward My Healing

Marilyn_S · #1 26-03-2007, 06:33 AM

I was in worship service this morning and the pastor asked, "What happens after the Lord's supper? Do we feel peace. Does life instantaniously become easy?"

Of course his question was retorical. I approached him following the service and told him about my battle with PTSD. He gently placed his hand on my shoulder and asked me if he could pray for me. I said yes. I do not remember what he prayed but I remember what the Lord placed upon my heart to share with my friends on this forum. It is as follows:

DSM-IV-TR / PTSD (Chronic Delayed) 309.81, is like having an infection that reoccures time and time again causing a big sore on the soul. The sore swells up with "flash bulb / sensory / and physical" memories of reoccuring trauma experienced with frequency-intensity-and duration either during childhood, adolescense, or sometimes even in past adulthood. However, if put in a perspective of spiritual strength it can become like "the Chicken Pox". Most people only have this childhood infection once even though the virus that causes it remains in the body lifelong. From a Spiritual perspective PTSD is like a big infected sore. I have come to realize in my spiritual walk with Christ that God is my lancet. God is the one who penetrates the sore and pierces it so that the infectious memories can bleed out. However, I have also come to realize that there is a spiritual entity that is against the grain of my healing. Satan wants to add more infectious lies to my PTSD sore in order to destroy me, make me feel insiginificant, inferior, foolish... God knows that the memories are infectious and can cause peritonitis, that is the purpose of flashbacks. But Satan knows we are weak when we are hurting so He will try to reimplant the lies that where sewed into the fabric of our being when we were traumatized. That is why Jesus is so important to me. He is with me all the time. I am not dead, I am alive! When I am hurdled up in a ball in the middle of my bed or the floor and I am weeping arduously, Jesus is the lancet for my infected sore. He is steril and only the truth rests in Him. As I am learning to utilize the strength of the Holy Spirit in my life, I am learning, through my willingness and the love God placed within me to humbly heal. It is a lifelong process, and sometimes I have to acquire my Holy Spirit antibiotic by crying and praying, but I am willing to continue this journey as I see the beauty of Gods creation in my husband and kids. If you are reading this and havn't read "Legend of the Small Green Viper" in the general chat forum, if you get a chance, read it. God has helped me many times with sweet and subdued words of loving encouragement.

Love All,
Marilyn

anthony · #2 26-03-2007, 12:06 PM

Marilyn, please be warned now to approach how you refer your religion towards others cautiously. This forum is not for any person to spread their love of their god, or any other religious entity. This forum is for PTSD. I am noticing an onward trend in your posts to push Jesus, God and your religion. Talking about your religion focused upon you is one thing, but trying to push it to others here is another. Posts will be edited if continued.

slhlilbit · #3 26-03-2007, 01:03 PM

i have read things on this forum that have helped me so much but not one as powerful as this one. Thank you .

beatle_bailey · #4 26-03-2007, 01:12 PM

I thank you for all of your thoughts Marilyn S.

I am sorry others can't just take them as your thoughts ,,, your opinions
,,, and your beliefs ,,,,, and leave it at that .........

I will stop with that as to not ruin this responce with the rest of my THOUGHTS on one others opinions of what you wrote ,,, ,,, no I won't even put up the smilies I'm thinking of ,,,, ,, ,, ,, Beatle

Marilyn_S · #5 27-03-2007, 10:19 AM

Anthony,

I will never post that I'm praying for someone unless I know they are a Christain and would welcome it. As for the post above. If you edit it you would be editing my heart. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Watch all you want, edit all you want, after all, this your forum, not mine. I'm just part of the community of PTSD sufferers trying to heal by sharing my heart with others. Just because my heart differs from yours does not mean I'm pushing my GOD! MY GOD DOESN"T NEED ME TO PUSH ANYTHING. (That is my oppinion) and if I am not free to express my oppinion then how can I gat healing? I merely made a suggestion in the post above for those who would be interested in reading "Legend of the small green viper" I will try to be careful as possible. I want you to know, even though we have a difference of oppinion I still admire you are care about you very much as a fellow PTSD survivor. That has nothing to do with my faith, it has everything to do with my humanity ... Love & Care, Marilyn S.

Eagle3 · #6 28-03-2007, 02:07 PM

Thanks for this thread Marilyn...I really needed to know from someone other than my mother that God understands PTSD. THANK YOU!!!

anthony · #7 28-03-2007, 09:27 PM

I am adding a response that I made in private message to this thread, my part only, so people can get a better understanding of this issue:

Quote:

Hi Marilyn,

Actually I am baptised as Uniting Church. I don't endorse religion to the point where your taking it, being to push to others that faith in God is going to somehow help them heal PTSD. It didn't help you, hence why your here. It didn't help any other who has been down that route already.

I have no issues with people discussing their religious beliefs that are pertinent to themselves only, however; I do draw the line when it becomes a topic in every thread, which has nothing to do with the conversation, and that is what your starting to do. One thread on religion is enough. To talk about your morning at church, great.... but to begin sighting passages and pushing religion to others who may or may not fall under any one of hundreds of religious beliefs, is just asking for trouble. The world is not actually just Catholic, and there are many here with many beliefs. The more you talk about one, the more chance you have of pissing someone off and starting an argument about a topic which serves no purpose to PTSD.

Those are more my thoughts on the topic, along with many topics.

Take care.

This pertains not only to religion, but politics, etc etc.... opinions are one thing, but pushing your beliefs onto others is a completely different kettle of fish, so to speak. I value topical conversation, but topical ends the moment every post becomes sighted to one aspect of life, ie. religion, hatred, aggressive, passive, etc etc. I don't put up with someone telling themselves in every thread they are worthless beings, so why would I tolerate anyone on the opposite end, ie. religion being a saving grace. A thread is one thing, introducing these types of discussion into many threads and posts is a completely different thing, hence where I draw the line as an editor of the forum and stop things in their tracks, regardless who does it, myself included. I live by my own rules, or certainly try to anyway.

This type of thing is like saying, I can stand in front of that bullet and God will stop me from being hurt. Nonsense, you will end up dead is the realism of the situation. Keep things realistic, and I am more than happy with most conversations. Get off realism, and then I begin to watch closely.

willing · #8 29-03-2007, 12:33 AM

Marylin,
Just keep talking about yourself. We want you here.
Patty

Marilyn_S · #9 29-03-2007, 05:16 AM

Anthony,

I am writing this here instead of in a PM because I want others to know it is OK and I understand you. You have always been so kind to me. Even when there are things I do not want to hear or when I may be misunderstanding you or you may be misunderstanding me. I will be careful. I believe what you said about the bullet. I also know the bullet is PTSD and its from someone else's gun! God is helping me but you are right, GOD is no (Morphene or LSD) God just helps. Like the heroic figure David, I must be willing to fight. You have been so helpful to me. Is it OK if I keep my faith talk in this thread? If you want, you can even move my thoughts on spirituality thread here. I am glad to be here and thankful.

(SHLLILBIT, BB, EAGLE 3, & WILLING)
Thank you so much for your kind support and understanding. I feel both accepted and cared about! I look forward to getting to know you all better as we share, support, grow, and undertake this lifelong journey called healing. Love to you all!

slhlilbit · #10 31-03-2007, 01:53 PM

Love right back to you. i hope your doing better. sorry i have been out a couple of days. keep healing keep writing posting as you help others as well as yourself. I too am thankful for this place and the honest caring people and comments. Take care Mar. I.J.N. slhlilbit