Hi

I'm going through therapy with a psychiatrist and am now experiencing things which I will obviously discuss with him later this week but I was wondering if any other PTSD sufferers experience the same thing?

Generally, before therapy, I would feel predominantly numb with elements of sadness coming through. The occassional peak would occur whenever activated by a trigger. Now, I'm experiencing what can only be described as more frequent responses (flashbacks) to triggers (as if I've suddenly become more aware to more triggers) but my responses are more thoughtful and don't last as long. My partner's great and we've developed a technique for dealing with things as they arise - she just sits with me, puts her hand on me and waits. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child by my Father and I've noticed that when my partner does this it helps me to feel safe - it's as if I regress.

Well, I can say the therapy issue comes with certain known elements. Our mind automatically interprets therapy as a possible threat to us, something that we see could expose our vunerabilities, so we tighten up, thus as a result PTSD symptoms flare in any of many ways, increases the obvious one. Its also very normal the day before, or that day of therapy, to find every excuse imaginable to get out of it, or simply because our mind tells our body to be ill, we don't attend thus getting exposed to our weaknesses. PTSD is a very smart illness if you think about it, because whenever it interprets the person getting help to overcome it, it makes us sick, it makes us think things to counter the effect of going for help, etc etc.... it tries to trick us if you like into thinking it must remain as is, or the pain inflicted upon us by helping ourselves is bad, not good.

Thanks for the insight. I get sad and nervous. Better yet nervous then sad. I want so much to be cured or feel better. I get nervous too about sharing the traumas expecially the molest/rape which is what my new therapist called it yesterday. And then sad that I am so dependent on them. Yesterday, I actually got sick to my stomach and feared that I would get stuck in the emotion wave and not come out. I was able to tell him that and he helped me breathe and locate the feeling and it kind of passed. It still is in my mind yet I won't visit it until I feel safe. And that is the key word safe. I am afraid one of these will come again (emotional wave or flashback of feelings) while I am home alone and I won't be able to combat it or remember to breathe through it. Since getting out of the hospital I feel like the car with an engine problem. The mechanics/therapists have heard the bugger but now we have to isolate it. We wait for it to do it's thing...I just pray it's in the mechanics bay and not on the freeway going 65.
Patty

I hear you on that one. It's kinda weird - I look forward to going to the psych - don't get me wrong, I get afraid and all those things that Anthony said but I go and I tell him I'm afraid. It's kind of a challenge this thing throws up at me. Even now, typing this, waiting to get ready to go to work I'm feeling anxious, scared that I'll fail in my job (despite my being good at it) - like that little trigger in my head saying "you're not good enough" and all those negative things my parents instilled is being activated. I've also become paranoid - I feel that people at work are talking behind my back, that I feel like a freak.

Ah, the paranoia sets in... ain't that one just a grand mind game! What you have to realize with paranoia, is that it is what it is, and you must identify it at that immediate time. When the thought pops into your head, you cannot merely dismiss it, that doesn't work, but you can look at the thought, think about it more logically, ie. is this just me thinking for others? Yes, these people / this person is not actually talking about me, they are working... etc etc. Or if people are talking and even look at you, you then must think more rationally, being; they could be acknowledging my presence, ie. looking at me. Maybe I should say hi, or how are you, or ask them what they are doing and decide whether I might like what they are talking about.

These type of reactions you can train yourself to do, but you have to actually train yourself so they become instinctive in order for them to work correctly. You have to do it each and every time, find the way in which works best for you to cognitively talk your way through paranoia each and every time reasonably, rationally and with commonsense. Thinking for others or assuming, presuming, assumptions and so forth are all negative thinking styles which only manifest paranoia.

I read PTSD'd OFF's post of 3/27/07 and in it he said:
" My partner's great and we've developed a technique for dealing with things as they arise - she just sits with me, puts her hand on me and waits. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child by my Father and I've noticed that when my partner does this it helps me to feel safe - it's as if I regress."

I have PTSD also. One thing that I've noticed is a strong desire to be snuggled. Feeling very much alone, I think it is a need to be physically comforted.

I read the posts online from females desiring a relationship and one thing I've noticed is a alot of them mentioning that they do not want to hear from guys who don't have a job anymore. I can't blame them but, there must be a lot of guys answering those ads looking for a relationship who are out of work. Could it be that these guys are trauma victims, like us, who are out of work due to PTSD? Are they too reading those ads and seeking physical comfort? (and I don't mean just sex)
Could it be that being physically comforted has a helpful theraputic effect?

I know these questions will raise some skeptical comments, but asking for other's opinions could reveal a common thread.

Hi Jake

I was at my psych today and I discussed this technique - he said it was a good way to deal with a very confusing situation for both the victim and the carer. It gives the victim a chance to come out of the situation quicker because he'll (I'll use the male because I'm referring to me) feel safer than if he was questioned, accused or judged - that will just escalate the triggering, shut down the victim even more and prolongue the situation. It also gives the carer some time to think. We've found this approach to be a life saver (literally for me).

I think your desire is a childlike response which is a common feature of PTSD sufferers who have experienced child abuse (I don't know if you have or not and don't imply such) and are under-parented.

I can't say anything to qualify your questioning of lonely male trauma victims but I'd suggest that there will invariably be a proportion of males seeking relationships for physical comfort. I think the proportion of people affected by PTSD is FAR greater than the quoted official percentage so I'd think your the premise of your claim would be very likely.

Physical touch is good and yes I agree that we all need that in order to survive through the waves. My therapist is helping me see what is up with that as I have avoided touch most of my life. I never have been a hugger or hand shaker. Under parenting I like that too. Sounds better than parental neglect. I feel bad for those who have no physical touch from another. Even if you have it learning how to ask for a snuggle is hard. I had to see behind the anger or silent treatments I was expressing. Once I could identify that I really wanted a hug then it became easier but it is still hard and I have a partner of 14 years. Good luck I'm sending you hugs through the cyber waves.
Patty

Holy, I found just about the same thing: initially the counceling just made me feeling worse, and aware of all the things I was previously considered to be healed and forgotten. I even wanted to skip my appointments, but could not do so, since am used to strict schedule with everything.
Anthony, I thing you are right: the beast living inside of you does not want to be put out, and is making every attempt to stay in. It is a pretty smart beast, since it makes you to avoid attempts to heal.
PTSD'd off, I think that the physical comfort provided my the right person at the right time can really help a great deal. And that might be especially true for people who desire more care from their partner or their family. Glad it is working for you, good luck with everything.
Linda

I do know that when my symptoms kick up, I desire some sort of touch from people I love and/or trust. A held hand, hug or snuggling with my husband in the recliner. I have a friend at work who knows a lot of what I go through and if I go to her and tell her 'I need a hug', she gives me a quick hug. We've done the same for each other for years. I've always thought it was a 'mom' thing to understand that sometimes a hug can help to make it better...even if it's just for a few moments. Maybe I should rethink it to be a human thing.

I also feel my anxiety level rise and think about all of the things I could be doing instead while I drive to my therapy appointments. Within the first five minutes or so I'm settled and comfortable and glad I came. It's just getting through the drive and those first few minutes that are a real pain.