Hey buddy know we are on your side and we understand the alone thing. I do for sure. To my core. Just know I am think of you and hope the writing hear gives you comfort.
Patty

Hi Andre,
I know exactly what you mean. I ache for someone to listen to me and really understand what I'm going through. So far, this has only been accomplished through therapy, which I understand you don't want to do. Even though a therapist can be a wonderful way to release some of your stuffed-down emotions, I still yearn for a good friend, family member, and esp. my spouse to really hear me.

My husband is willing, but he has his own set of problems that complicate our situation even more. My extended family members are very willing to talk about some things, but when I get to the conversations about generations of family dysfunction; how we all suffer to a varying degree - they all shut me down. They just don't want to hear it and think of me as the black sheep, as usual.

Finding friends is so difficult; it's hard to build trust. For me it takes years and years to be able to tell a friend stuff like this, and right now, I have run out of friends since I've isolated myself so much.

As I learn more about this, somehow I feel a little calmer (sometimes) and am able to at least be more open to acquaintances and people at work about little pieces of my life here and there. When I do this, it feels a little scarey, but generally, they appreciate knowing a little more about me and I feel a tiny bit more confident about opening myself up if only an inch at a time.

I doubt I will tell people at work the exent of my emotional problems right now; it's probably just not appropriate. But it does lay down a foundation to connect with other people you may meet and start to get to know.

At least this is how it's feeling to me right now. There are people out there that want to know you...