This is no fun at all.

I went in for a session this afternoon and felt okay with it. I've been feeling more emotionally detached this week, which I attributed to the medication I've begun, so we jumped in to discussing the shooting situation I was involved in on-duty 15 years ago. I was fine throughout the session, no overwhelming emotions, just narrated my way through without a lot of feeling one way or the other. We talked about some other things going on with me, and end of session. All seemed fine.

Now it's ten hours later and I can't stop thinking about it. It's really driving me crazy. I went to bed, tried to watch tv to fall asleep. Gave up on that, plugged my iPod into my ears and blared the volume but it still won't drown it out. Finally gave up after lying there for over three full hours and decided to just come up to the computer.

It's now 1 a.m. and I was supposed to go to a 7 a.m. breakfast meeting, which I suppose I'm going to skip out on now.

I can't stop playing the scene over and over in my brain, no matter what I try. I just keep seeing it all, and thinking about what we talked about, and what I forgot to say, etc., etc...

When we decided (last week) to jump in to it this week if I felt up to it she said she wanted to end by working on meditation and relaxation to cope with the aftermath of opening the door, but I guess I was so detached that we skipped it. And we got off subject and tackled some other subjects at the end of the session. Now I really wish we'd have given whatever she had in mind a try.

I know I should have expected this, but I wish there was a way to shut it down for the night. I have to drive two hours tomorrow to see a psych in another town (1st visit) and right now it feels like I may have to do the drive alone with no sleep at all. Time just keeps moving forward tonight, and I'm still completely wired.

If anyone's had success with some technique for shutting down the brain after a therapy session I'd welcome hearing about it. (Anything other than alcohol anyway, I'm not letting that technique back in my life at the moment.)

Hi CaptainR.

Ohh yes, old familiar swamp you after the session emotional turmoil. This is normal and actually good. It means that you have been getting to what is really bothering you. We have to fall before we can stand up again.

Try journaling all of your feelings, memories, thoughts etc. Just write it all down and get it all out.

You could also go take a look in the information section of the forum. There are a lot of great ideas there.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. I'm not very good at shutting my brain down either but I find writing it out and making myself be reasonable does help.

Hang in there and let us know how you psych appointment goes. Good luck.

bec

Thanks Bec. I'll give adding to my journal a try. Not much else to do in the quiet house at 2 a.m.

R.

hehe.. nope there isn't.. 3 am here and where am I? on the forum!

bec

My thoughts are with you. I hope the journaling worked. Let us know what you did to make it. You are in a place a dread and have been. After a session. Twice now. What in f...k are we supposed to do when it comes up and how do we cope when we have our other life to live with work and family and all?
Patty

Hi willing. Thanks for the understanding, it helps to know how normal this was and that others have endured the same thing consistently. As for what I did, well, I wrote for a while, then finally laid down on the couch and passed out from exhaustion for about two and a half hours. At least I got a bit of sleep, so maybe I can survive the drive today. After so many years of shift work I can make it on a pretty tiny amount of rest, so I'll press on.

R.

Captain,

I've had that delayed reaction to therapy before. Leave, drive home, everything's fine and I hit the front door of my house (my safe place) and all of these emotions just bubble out of me. Sometimes the minute I walk in, sometimes hours later. It's like your brain has processed all of this information and then you're feeling safe and what you've processed kicks in on an emotional level and then...you're all over the map emotionally. At least this is how it is for me.

I've found the more I work on my traumas and dealing with my PTSD, these delayed reactions have lessened. Journaling (here and on my own) have been a tremendous help for me. I encourage you to write and keep writing. You'll be amazed at what comes out of you once you open the gates up.

Hi Captain,

I can aslo relate to the delayed reaction...and I often get really angry...I try to journal and end up doodling and scribbling and at soem point just throw everything off the desk...and the more I think about the stuff the worse I get and...I thinik i just shut down...the only thing I used to find helpful was petting my rabbit...but, since he passed away I have no way to calm down...not yet anyway...I hope the journalling works for you. Good luck.

Hi Captain, Herc here. Trust the guys who told you to WRITE IT DOWN. I was and sometimes still am in the same condition after therapy sessions. If you simply pick up the pen and start writing without thinking about what you are putting down on paper, you will be shocked at the stuff you got rid of from deep down inside. Take it to your therapy sessions with you. Show it to the doc. Somethimes I go back to the first pages in my journal and reread my thoughts I am amazed at the pain I had been carrying around inside me. At least for me, to be reminded of how far I have come helps. Even the baby steps made on a daily basis help heal. Write my love Write HERC

CaptainR,
Those unending obsessive thoughts can really be awful. That's when you wish you really had something to knock you out. I have a journal, of sorts, on my computer and I've labeled every days worth of whatever as different chapters (chapter 1, chapter 2, etc). They are all the angry, hurt things that come spewing out of my head sometimes, that just won't stop.

I am only up to chapter 4, but who knows...maybe it will turn into a book someday...It really did help to take the edge off of it all. Even better than xanax.

Everyday will not be as bad as that day...the rollercoaster is hard to endure for sure.