So, I have been diagnosed with PTSD for almost a year now. It has been a hard year, alot of ups and downs and I have a good therapist. I guess I just don't understand how I am going to "fully" recover or will there always be an interal struggle for me.

I guess I don't get the part where I am going to be free of this crap that has a grip on me. I do the therapy thing and it works good for awhile and then something happens and I immediately go back to acting the way I did before.

Ugh, when will this stop!

welcome to the forum, monarch. i think you'll find that instead of "going away" you will learn to manage the symptoms to such a degree as to lead a happy, normal, life. that's what i'm banking on, anyway.

i know how you feel, probably we all do, lol. i have made up my mind that it is something i will do, if it takes 3 yrs, or 10 yrs, no matter.

I'm with cookie on this one...it's something you have to make a committment to, a promise to yourself, what ever you want to call it. Dealing with each and every trauma, and all of the other things that tend to hide behind the traumas (i.e. things that have hurt you before in life that haven't been dealt with-just stuffed down), being honest with yourself, having others be honest with you. It's not easy, it's not pretty, it will make your symptoms worse for a while...but it's worth it because you get to have your life back.

There's no cure, there's no magic pill...PTSD will be with you for life. It's a matter of learning to manage your symptoms AFTER you've dealt with your traumas. Otherwise, like you said, you're right back where you started.

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of my symptoms going out of control (even though I've had PTSD most of my life and didn't know). It's been a hell of a year. But I know I'm healing-it's been hard, hard work. No matter how long it takes, I'll keep fighting because I want it that badly.

I am just realizing too this is a monumental task at hand. Recovery and management. I wish you the best Monarch as I too don't know how or where exactly I am going to turn out. Sometimes I don't see how it will turn out to something different than it is...which makes it really hard. I just try and drop my expectations. That's all I can do along with being willing and honest.

I agree that it all has to do with dealing with the trauma first, then managing afterwards. But you know...try not to be so hard on yourself, and as willing said - drop your expectations a bit - give yourself some room. I am slowly figuring this out as I go, but giving yourself a break is something I know for sure.

True, when I first was diagnosed I thought, wow, I should be able to beat this in a year if I work really hard. Ha, I totally set that bar too high. i can't even think about saying that I am even close to well right now. I was diagnosed because I tried suicide, I completely spun out of control once I told my therapist why i was there. It brought up everything and I went back to being hurt. I still am not good at talking about it and my therapist isn't puching me too much because I still have suicidal thought, I guess that is what I am hoping will go away.

I asked my psychiatrist the identical question the day I was diagnosed. He said, "practice". Everyone's a comedian.

-Mark

Thats the problem though, therapists won't dig at you too much because of legal liability nowadays... being you walk out the door, commit suicide, someone is going to begin asking questions basically. Suicide is something you must control for starters, being you must come to terms with putting that shit out of your head, or simply go and do it if that is what you want. Either way, if you want to die, nothing anyone says will stop you except for you. That is the first decision to have to consciously make and stick by regardless how shit you feel, or are going to feel during the healing process.

If you come to me telling me that you want to commit suicide, and you didn't want to make an active decision to ensure you don't, being you really don't want to die and regardless what your brain tells you, you will fight it and not do the act, then I wouldn't touch you either, because your simply too much of a risk to yourself. I would simply tell you to go away, when you sort yourself out mentally in that regard, then come back and see me.

If you think what you have done thus far is tough, your only scratching the surface at a rough guess for when you really are provoked in relation to your trauma. Touchy feelie... soft approach DOES NOT work for PTSD.